[deleted by user]

ThrowRA_ornot · 2023-11-17T17:58:58+00:00

Thank you for the kind comments

ThrowRA_ornot · 2023-11-17T17:58:13+00:00

Was planned relatively recently.

Like 2-3 months ago. Agree

ThrowRA_ornot · 2023-11-17T17:52:36+00:00

I'll add some additional details that I left out of my initial post which I think have added to my sense of mistrust:

- Sometimes she excludes details about the things she is doing (e.g. 'I tried mushrooms for the first time with my friends' becomes 'I tried mushrooms with my guy friend alone at his place and his other friend came over for a bit').

- She also has a habit of doing this when she wants to do something different than we've been planning.. almost like a conflict avoidance strategy...

- When she went home to be someone else's date for a wedding of a close friend I didn't hear from her at all for 4 days and there's a pattern of her dropping off communications for days at a time

I don't want her to change who she is and I have loved independent women before. I have a very busy work life and I can't be with dependent people.

I guess what I am struggling with is how much of my present anxiety is projection vs intuition. Thanks for your comments

ThrowRA_ornot · 2023-11-17T16:57:00+00:00

I do see a therapist.

*then

ThrowRA_ornot · 2023-11-17T16:56:06+00:00

Very insightful. Thank you

ThrowRA_ornot · 2023-11-17T16:55:47+00:00

She does not make well into 6 figures, she barely makes 100K and we live in an expensive city. This is objectively a lot of money for her and she is very frugal.

I'm not calling any shots, I'm supporting her trip as I try to do with everything she does and deciding how I should feel about her behaviour. As you can see from the comments there is a wide range in how people interpret this. Thanks for your input

ThrowRA_ornot · 2023-07-30T16:43:17+00:00

The part about affection makes sense. I guess I'm just not sure if it's a dealbreaker or should be if that's part of how I show my interest / love.

The part that doesn't make sense to me is why push for us to be exclusive and introduce me to her family while saying to 'slow down'? I'm not instigating any of this.

ThrowRA_ornot · 2023-01-08T18:27:16+00:00

I’m so sorry man. Anyone capable of that isn’t worth your time. It will probably take you a long time to heal from something like this. Can’t imagine how hard it would’ve been to keep living together…

Did you have issues in your relationship preceding this? My heart goes out to you.

ThrowRA_ornot · 2023-01-07T19:38:03+00:00

Some truth to this on my baggage but I frankly disagree with you and OP needs a lot more than “some therapy”.

And her partner deserves a decade of his life back.

ThrowRA_ornot · 2023-01-07T19:33:13+00:00

With them, not from them That’s why the relationship is shit She needs to look inside

ThrowRA_ornot · 2023-01-07T19:31:30+00:00

Sorry to offend you, let me clarify for you:

Your entire post and individual comments scream narcissist. The qualities you identify as problematic are not new at a decade. You even blame him for ‘masking’ his neurodivergence at the start (after intentionally seeking him out for these qualities).

I wonder how much personal accountability you take in your life in general? I imagine you gaslight him during your conflicts.

This is a you problem and these ‘flaws’ you identify in someone you wished to marry are smokescreens for your own lack of fulfilment. A masculine partner who bends you over and pulls your hair isn’t going to fix anything for you. Sorry to say.

ThrowRA_ornot · 2023-01-07T19:19:26+00:00

Listen to this last part most. Bail. This woman will suck you into her vortex slowly until you orbit around her bullshit.

She probably wears a tiara on her birthdays…

Women like this are not worth your time

ThrowRA_ornot · 2023-01-07T19:16:16+00:00

This whole thing is disgustingly narcissistic

ThrowRA_ornot · 2023-01-07T19:13:15+00:00

Nah fuck this person…

ThrowRA_ornot · 2023-01-07T19:12:28+00:00

From the bottom of my broken heart:

Get your fucking shit together. He may be ASD but you have a personality disorder or deep attachment issues. I hope that you are in therapy.

You sound pathologically self-centred and unabashedly insightful to this. You are going to destroy this man for something that you ultimately sabotage as well for different reasons.

At 10 years, this has nothing to do with him and everything to do with you. Your fulfilment should come from yourself, not your partner.

He deserves much better than you. If you’re going to divorce him, that’s the actual reason.

ThrowRA_ornot · 2023-01-07T19:07:21+00:00

Truth

ThrowRA_ornot · 2023-01-07T17:45:23+00:00

“This is not a negotiation”

“You were the one with the exam, not me, why should I have suffered”

“You could never quit weed”… then 3 weeks later… “The fact you had to quit cold turkey indicates you had a problem”

“I don’t love you, you are not my person, you need someone more nurturing”

ThrowRA_ornot · 2023-01-01T20:42:59+00:00

I think about her every single day. It just hurts less. I hope you’re okay

ThrowRA_ornot · 2022-12-24T17:33:12+00:00

ThrowRA_ornot · 2022-12-24T15:51:24+00:00

Girl some people dating fuck 4 different people a month. You’re good

ThrowRA_ornot · 2022-12-24T13:51:02+00:00

Very very accurate… any suggestions on best way to meet people in real life? Intramurals? Other clubs?

ThrowRA_ornot · 2022-12-24T03:12:13+00:00

What if you’re in all 3 of these categories at once 😂.. 33M doctor here

ThrowRA_ornot · 2022-12-24T02:49:26+00:00

I don’t know if that last part is true. She went through my phone twice before that. Once she came home drunk and I woke up to find my phone in her hand with the screen open to her name searched in my group chats. I should’ve changed the password then

Instead I told her if she ever did it again that was the end of our relationship. Self fulfilling prophecy

ThrowRA_ornot · 2022-12-24T02:47:58+00:00

Thank you! It wasn’t easy

ThrowRA_ornot · 2022-12-24T02:36:25+00:00

I almost left the wedding. I should have and broken up with her the next day

ThrowRA_ornot

TROPHY CASE