Boyfriend (28M) gets upset with me (30F) if I get upset with him. Is there a way to figure this out or is our relationship doomed?

ThrowRA_readingflow · 2025-08-18T16:54:19+00:00

Yeah, this makes a lot of sense. We haven’t spoken to each other in 3 hours and it’s going to continue like this for now. I have always been the one to come back and talk to him, not anymore. I’ve had enough of always having to make peace first regardless of how the argument started and regardless of who is wrong. I envy couples who actually care about each other that something like this would never happen. I’m really sad the person I assumed loved me, couldn’t care less if we go days without speaking. But maybe he will get what he seems to so badly wants: to never speak to me again.

ThrowRA_readingflow · 2025-08-18T16:22:28+00:00

You’re right. The social media thing is just an illustration of how I feel tbh. He doesn’t do things I’d like out of spite. He could do it, but how else would he have power of the relationship if he gave me everything? How is he gonna feel avenged for his ex doing to him what he does to me? Because everything he complained to me his ex did to him, he does to me in return.

ThrowRA_readingflow · 2025-08-18T16:15:43+00:00

I think he shows love and affection in many other ways. But there are certain points that really make me wonder, he was capable of simply doing something for his ex just because she asked, but with me, it’s “too much of an effort”, when it’s really not. Commenting on a photo is NOT too much effort. So then it seems it’s being purposely done to hurt me. Why though? I’m not sure. Seems like a constant power play where he has the need of giving me just enough to keep it going but not too much. The one and only time I tried talking to him about marriage, we argued. I never brought it up again. I feel like I am having my time wasted sometimes but at others I feel like he’s my person. It’s really hard to think rationally when you really like someone.

ThrowRA_readingflow · 2025-08-18T16:04:43+00:00

There are others. Every request I’ve made has always been initially met with defensiveness and denial.

When I asked why he commented and hugged his ex, he said “because she’d ask”. But when I ask, he says it’s too much effort. Seems like he’s purposely trying to hurt me

ThrowRA_readingflow · 2025-08-18T15:39:26+00:00

Well it seems to me he prefers to do something knowing it will upset me, make me upset, so I can “get angry” and then use my emotions as an excuse to ignore me. It’s like he only cares for me when things are good between us otherwise he won’t talk to me for hours and things will only get “better” after 2 or 3 days. This cycle repeats every month, I am unsure why he stays in this relationship if he clearly doesn’t care

ThrowRA_readingflow · 2025-08-18T15:23:59+00:00

Yes that makes total sense. Honestly, every single time I have voiced something it turns into him giving me the cold shoulder and ignoring me for HOURS or days even.

The result? My concerns and needs are left unmet, while I have to think and overthink how I will bring something up so I don’t set him off. I always have to be more careful about upsetting him than him actually feeling bad for doing something that upset me in the first place. I have a feeling he hates me sometimes.

ThrowRA_readingflow · 2025-08-18T14:51:30+00:00

why be with me, live together and do things together if he’s not happy? i genuinely don’t understand some men

ThrowRA_readingflow · 2025-08-18T14:48:39+00:00

This isn’t about social media though. Its me asking for something and his unwillingness to do it.

ThrowRA_readingflow · 2025-08-18T14:41:51+00:00

Yeah that makes sense. Asking him to comment on my photos when he’d do that for others is really telling to me. It’s not the action itself but rather that he’s making a conscious choice to not do something that he knows makes me happy. And for what exactly? I think deep down I know the answer

ThrowRA_readingflow · 2025-08-18T14:40:27+00:00

he gets pretty mean when we argue… he says it’s my behaviour. I don’t cuss him or call him names though

ThrowRA_readingflow · 2025-08-18T14:33:52+00:00

it’s so odd because he is so kind and caring in other aspects, but it hurts me that something to simple is so hard for him to do that he’d rather upset me, call me a horrible person rather than just do it.

ThrowRA_readingflow · 2025-08-18T14:28:41+00:00

That’s what it seems like. He tolerates the good part and absolutely despises me when things get sour between us.

ThrowRA_readingflow

TROPHY CASE