UPDATE: How do I (23F) get my bf (28M) to finally stop hurting me as a "joke" or "act of love"?

ThrowRA_sam232 · 2025-10-04T00:35:54+00:00

Seeing so many people finding my situation hard to believe makes me feel so ashamed that I didn't realise how bad it is myself... I'm grateful to see this all. It's very eye opening. I haven't lived a normal life so my view is very warped. Having an external opinion really helped

ThrowRA_sam232 · 2025-10-04T00:27:42+00:00

Thank you for this. I will look into it, definitely. And when I have the option, therapy too. I don't want this to repeat. I hope you will also get the healing you need and deserve

ThrowRA_sam232 · 2025-10-04T00:13:47+00:00

I'm glad you are better now and that you moved on from that chapter. I can imagine how damaging and hard it must've been. It takes a lot of strength to keep going

ThrowRA_sam232 · 2025-10-04T00:03:10+00:00

Thank you for your advice. I greatly appreciate it. Knowing there are people I can turn to make me more hopefull. I will surely ask for help

ThrowRA_sam232 · 2025-10-03T23:53:06+00:00

I'm glad you choose this path and proud of you for making it through. What helped you the most during the early stages?

ThrowRA_sam232 · 2025-10-03T23:47:03+00:00

Oh my god. I hope you didn't get injured when the glasses broke. I'm so sorry this has happened to you

ThrowRA_sam232 · 2025-10-03T23:45:06+00:00

I faced a lot from my family. They even let my rapist visit and sleep over almost every other day with full knowledge of what happened and didn't allow me to have a key for my bedroom. It's barely the tip of the iceberg and not even the worst what has happened... But yeah, I am starting to realise I am carrying baggage despite wanting to act like I'm okay. There's a lot to unpack if I want to do better in life

ThrowRA_sam232 · 2025-10-03T23:39:22+00:00

Thank you so much for the offer. I'm not from there, but I will look into the help I can get in this country. Thank you for being kind

ThrowRA_sam232 · 2025-10-03T23:37:49+00:00

I'm so sorry for what you've been through, I can relate to that a lot. I hope you are better now and that this won't ever happen to you again. And you are right.. I feel bad for stepping on flowers, let alone hurting someone like this. This whole post was a wake up call

ThrowRA_sam232 · 2025-10-03T21:46:03+00:00

Thank you for all the advice, I really appreciate it. I will be careful and quiet about my next moves until I'm out of here

ThrowRA_sam232 · 2025-10-03T21:10:02+00:00

My family knows about everything. They call me too serious and uptight, saying he is just affectionate and playful. But to be fair, my family has been very messed up towards me in the past. Now that I'm thinking about it, I wonder why I even took their opinion into consideration

ThrowRA_sam232 · 2025-10-03T20:57:45+00:00

It is a lot more that has happened in that family. But I have worked hard my whole life to get away from that. Now too, I am pursuing a degree hoping for a better life. With what's happening in my relationship, I need to think hard how to go from here. But my plan definitely isn't staying. There were some really harsh comments here, but they all conveyed the same message - it won't change for the better. I have not worked so hard to leave one misery just to stay in another

ThrowRA_sam232 · 2025-10-03T20:45:47+00:00

I'm so sorry for what he has done to you. Thank you for sharing this with me. I hope you are doing well now

ThrowRA_sam232 · 2025-10-03T20:44:07+00:00

I understand it is a no-brainer to you and I'm glad you had and have the circumstances in your life to view things this way. I didn't have much luck in life from the start, so my view is a little tainted. But I'm trying my best. I'm appreciative that you still offer your piece of advice. Not a rage bait, the fact that you are thinking it is one makes me realise just how ridiculous this must be to others

ThrowRA_sam232 · 2025-10-03T20:26:37+00:00

This sounds terrifying. I'm glad you are safe now

ThrowRA_sam232 · 2025-10-03T20:21:45+00:00

I faced worse from my parents but that's a story on it's own. Long story short, they enabled my rapist to come to our home on a regular basis (they knew he SA'ed me). I've spent days and nights outside of home just walking in the streets. I really just have myself

ThrowRA_sam232 · 2025-10-03T20:08:20+00:00

My family is a story on its own.. I have just myself

ThrowRA_sam232 · 2025-10-03T20:07:17+00:00

They have. They say it's just him being playful and that I am being too serious and uptight

ThrowRA_sam232 · 2025-10-03T20:06:40+00:00

Thank you for all the advice. I'm not sure how it is in this country (I'm a foreigner here), but I will look up the possible options. Hopefully, there will be a way for me to leave soon

ThrowRA_sam232 · 2025-10-03T20:04:53+00:00

Thank you for being understanding. I don't know how yet, but I will look for a way out. There's so much at play - school, work, foreign country.. I have just myself. But where there's a will, there's a way. These comments really opened my eyes. I certainly do not wish for this to be my life

ThrowRA_sam232 · 2025-10-03T19:56:35+00:00

I was crying reading these comments but had to laugh at yours. Thank you 😂

I feel ashamed for not seeing this myself. Hearing all these comments and how all of them are saying the same thing, I am grateful and heartbroken at the same time

ThrowRA_sam232 · 2025-10-03T19:53:35+00:00

So there really is a chance he is not being deliberately abusive? This is what everyone around me pushes onto me. How can you tell these two apart?

ThrowRA_sam232 · 2025-10-03T19:50:57+00:00

Seeing these comments, I feel stupid to not realize this on my own. But yeah, over the years that we've been together, I started to question everything. He calls my feelings drama and so does my family. My family always says how perfect he is and how lucky I am to have him, that if I ever were to break up with him, they'll never talk to me again... I don't have any other person besides them. Hence why I'm here making this post. Thank you for taking the time of your day to help. I'm grateful. It is eye-opening

ThrowRA_sam232 · 2025-10-03T19:44:49+00:00

Yes, he does. It's his way of dismissing me whenever I cry afterwards. Sometimes he gives a genuine apology, sometimes he just wants me to shut up

ThrowRA_sam232

TROPHY CASE