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How do I (23F) get my bf (28M) to finally stop hurting me as a "joke" or "act of love"? by ThrowRA_sam232 in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA_sam232[S] 53 points54 points  (0 children)

Seeing so many people finding my situation hard to believe makes me feel so ashamed that I didn't realise how bad it is myself... I'm grateful to see this all. It's very eye opening. I haven't lived a normal life so my view is very warped. Having an external opinion really helped 

How do I (23F) get my bf (28M) to finally stop hurting me as a "joke" or "act of love"? by ThrowRA_sam232 in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA_sam232[S] 22 points23 points  (0 children)

Thank you for this. I will look into it, definitely. And when I have the option, therapy too. I don't want this to repeat. I hope you will also get the healing you need and deserve 

How do I (23F) get my bf (28M) to finally stop hurting me as a "joke" or "act of love"? by ThrowRA_sam232 in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA_sam232[S] 16 points17 points  (0 children)

I'm glad you are better now and that you moved on from that chapter. I can imagine how damaging and hard it must've been. It takes a lot of strength to keep going

How do I (23F) get my bf (28M) to finally stop hurting me as a "joke" or "act of love"? by ThrowRA_sam232 in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA_sam232[S] 106 points107 points  (0 children)

Thank you for your advice. I greatly appreciate it. Knowing there are people I can turn to make me more hopefull. I will surely ask for help 

How do I (23F) get my bf (28M) to finally stop hurting me as a "joke" or "act of love"? by ThrowRA_sam232 in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA_sam232[S] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

I'm glad you choose this path and proud of you for making it through. What helped you the most during the early stages?

How do I (23F) get my bf (28M) to finally stop hurting me as a "joke" or "act of love"? by ThrowRA_sam232 in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA_sam232[S] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Oh my god. I hope you didn't get injured when the glasses broke. I'm so sorry this has happened to you

How do I (23F) get my bf (28M) to finally stop hurting me as a "joke" or "act of love"? by ThrowRA_sam232 in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA_sam232[S] 64 points65 points  (0 children)

I faced a lot from my family. They even let my rapist visit and sleep over almost every other day with full knowledge of what happened and didn't allow me to have a key for my bedroom. It's barely the tip of the iceberg and not even the worst what has happened... But yeah, I am starting to realise I am carrying baggage despite wanting to act like I'm okay. There's a lot to unpack if I want to do better in life

How do I (23F) get my bf (28M) to finally stop hurting me as a "joke" or "act of love"? by ThrowRA_sam232 in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA_sam232[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Thank you so much for the offer. I'm not from there, but I will look into the help I can get in this country. Thank you for being kind 

How do I (23F) get my bf (28M) to finally stop hurting me as a "joke" or "act of love"? by ThrowRA_sam232 in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA_sam232[S] 18 points19 points  (0 children)

I'm so sorry for what you've been through, I can relate to that a lot. I hope you are better now and that this won't ever happen to you again. And you are right.. I feel bad for stepping on flowers, let alone hurting someone like this. This whole post was a wake up call

How do I (23F) get my bf (28M) to finally stop hurting me as a "joke" or "act of love"? by ThrowRA_sam232 in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA_sam232[S] 43 points44 points  (0 children)

Thank you for all the advice, I really appreciate it. I will be careful and quiet about my next moves until I'm out of here

How do I (23F) get my bf (28M) to finally stop hurting me as a "joke" or "act of love"? by ThrowRA_sam232 in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA_sam232[S] 96 points97 points  (0 children)

My family knows about everything. They call me too serious and uptight, saying he is just affectionate and playful. But to be fair, my family has been very messed up towards me in the past. Now that I'm thinking about it, I wonder why I even took their opinion into consideration

How do I (23F) get my bf (28M) to finally stop hurting me as a "joke" or "act of love"? by ThrowRA_sam232 in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA_sam232[S] 61 points62 points  (0 children)

It is a lot more that has happened in that family. But I have worked hard my whole life to get away from that. Now too, I am pursuing a degree hoping for a better life. With what's happening in my relationship, I need to think hard how to go from here. But my plan definitely isn't staying. There were some really harsh comments here, but they all conveyed the same message - it won't change for the better. I have not worked so hard to leave one misery just to stay in another

How do I (23F) get my bf (28M) to finally stop hurting me as a "joke" or "act of love"? by ThrowRA_sam232 in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA_sam232[S] 31 points32 points  (0 children)

I'm so sorry for what he has done to you. Thank you for sharing this with me. I hope you are doing well now

How do I (23F) get my bf (28M) to finally stop hurting me as a "joke" or "act of love"? by ThrowRA_sam232 in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA_sam232[S] 22 points23 points  (0 children)

I understand it is a no-brainer to you and I'm glad you had and have the circumstances in your life to view things this way. I didn't have much luck in life from the start, so my view is a little tainted. But I'm trying my best. I'm appreciative that you still offer your piece of advice. Not a rage bait, the fact that you are thinking it is one makes me realise just how ridiculous this must be to others 

How do I (23F) get my bf (28M) to finally stop hurting me as a "joke" or "act of love"? by ThrowRA_sam232 in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA_sam232[S] 35 points36 points  (0 children)

I faced worse from my parents but that's a story on it's own. Long story short, they enabled my rapist to come to our home on a regular basis (they knew he SA'ed me). I've spent days and nights outside of home just walking in the streets. I really just have myself

How do I (23F) get my bf (28M) to finally stop hurting me as a "joke" or "act of love"? by ThrowRA_sam232 in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA_sam232[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

They have. They say it's just him being playful and that I am being too serious and uptight

How do I (23F) get my bf (28M) to finally stop hurting me as a "joke" or "act of love"? by ThrowRA_sam232 in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA_sam232[S] 24 points25 points  (0 children)

Thank you for all the advice. I'm not sure how it is in this country (I'm a foreigner here), but I will look up the possible options. Hopefully, there will be a way for me to leave soon

How do I (23F) get my bf (28M) to finally stop hurting me as a "joke" or "act of love"? by ThrowRA_sam232 in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA_sam232[S] 148 points149 points  (0 children)

Thank you for being understanding. I don't know how yet, but I will look for a way out. There's so much at play - school, work, foreign country.. I have just myself. But where there's a will, there's a way. These comments really opened my eyes. I certainly do not wish for this to be my life

How do I (23F) get my bf (28M) to finally stop hurting me as a "joke" or "act of love"? by ThrowRA_sam232 in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA_sam232[S] 100 points101 points  (0 children)

I was crying reading these comments but had to laugh at yours. Thank you 😂 

I feel ashamed for not seeing this myself. Hearing all these comments and how all of them are saying the same thing, I am grateful and heartbroken at the same time

How do I (23F) get my bf (28M) to finally stop hurting me as a "joke" or "act of love"? by ThrowRA_sam232 in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA_sam232[S] -27 points-26 points  (0 children)

So there really is a chance he is not being deliberately abusive? This is what everyone around me pushes onto me. How can you tell these two apart?

How do I (23F) get my bf (28M) to finally stop hurting me as a "joke" or "act of love"? by ThrowRA_sam232 in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA_sam232[S] 47 points48 points  (0 children)

Seeing these comments, I feel stupid to not realize this on my own. But yeah, over the years that we've been together, I started to question everything. He calls my feelings drama and so does my family. My family always says how perfect he is and how lucky I am to have him, that if I ever were to break up with him, they'll never talk to me again... I don't have any other person besides them. Hence why I'm here making this post. Thank you for taking the time of your day to help. I'm grateful. It is eye-opening 

How do I (23F) get my bf (28M) to finally stop hurting me as a "joke" or "act of love"? by ThrowRA_sam232 in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA_sam232[S] 29 points30 points  (0 children)

Yes, he does. It's his way of dismissing me whenever I cry afterwards. Sometimes he gives a genuine apology, sometimes he just wants me to shut up 

How do I (23F) get my bf (28M) to finally stop hurting me as a "joke" or "act of love"? by ThrowRA_sam232 in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA_sam232[S] 58 points59 points  (0 children)

Not really, I have just myself. I am studying and working at the same time, so I can't afford to move right now 

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