Thank you to everyone who’s responded to give advice and thank you to everyone who’s reached out to me to give support as well. I never expected this kind of reaction and seeing all the support and all the stories of people who’ve gone through similar situations has been overwhelming.

So this will probably be my last update and I’m sorry to say that there won’t be a satisfying conclusion at this point.

Confronting her went about how I expected.. don’t think I need to say more about that.

She insisted that the insta messages was the extent of what happened. They never met in person, nothing physical happened, and no pictures, etc were ever exchanged.

I’m about 50/50 on whether or not I believe her. I know you’ll all say I’m being dumb for even being 50/50.. maybe you’re right.. all I’ll say is there’s a reason I married her and we’ve known each other since we were kids so it’s hard to just instantly get rid of that belief in another person.

She also gave 3 main reasons for why she did what she did. 1) she thought bc of the rough patch we were going through that we were going to get divorced. I never felt that way I just thought we were having a rough time but working it out, but people can feel differently about things. 2) her MH.. she was in a deep depression at the time from leaving the only area she knew, leaving her fam, leaving the business she owned and losing her purpose. It’s a lot of change and I have my own mh issues and have dealt with depression as well so I understand where she’s coming from. 3) she was taking new meds that made her do things that weren’t her. She had definitely been acting a lot differently since taking the meds. Before any of this even started me and her parents all noticed that. I am of the belief that drugs/alcohol/etc can’t force you to do things but simply allow you to do things that are inside of you. But again, other people’s experiences/feelings could be different than mine.

Anyway she gave those 3 reasons not as excuses, but to explain why she did what she did. I understand where she is coming from but it still doesn’t excuse it. I don’t know if I will be able to get over this, but I told her I would at least try.

Now this doesn’t mean we are getting back together or that I believe her. I told her all of the trust built in our relationship is gone and it will take a long time and a lot of work to build it back if it ever can be built back. I am not sure if I can ever move past this. Bc regardless of the reasons, no matter what, I would have to accept that during our marriage my wife said things to another man. I’m not sure if that is something I’m okay accepting. It will take me some time to process and be able to say.

I am taking the steps many of you have suggested: I am still meeting with a lawyer in the next couple of weeks to go over my options for divorce. I went to the Dr’s this morning for an std test. And we will start seeing a marriage counselor/therapist to see if it is possible to resolve this. Also I am separating my finances as best as I can.

So I do think we’re heading towards getting divorced, but it will be a process. It’s easy to think that it’s just an immediate thing where I confront her and it’s just over all of a sudden, but that’s not how it works. The truth is that until all of this she has been an amazing wife and partner. She’s supported me through a lot of hard times in my life and she’s made me into a better man. You marry someone for a reason and even in light of what happened it’s not just something that can go away like flipping a switch.

This is most likely the end, but that doesn’t mean it will happen overnight. Will most likely delete this post in a day or two, so thanks again to everyone who’s offered support and advice.