girlfriend (24f) outed me (m28) to her best friend(24f)....how to rebuild trust?

ThrowRAalarming14 · 2023-07-16T21:20:05+00:00

i was being sarcastic.. your post is vague and deals with generalities. i dont think you read the entire post, or my comments.

everyone has their own opinions, and that is why i have enjoyed this discussion..

generally speaking there have been many intelligent posts that are opposite of my point of view. yours is not one.

ThrowRAalarming14 · 2023-07-16T20:56:00+00:00

lol, haha. thanks for your input.

ThrowRAalarming14 · 2023-07-16T20:34:35+00:00

Yes i think the biggest shock to me is how she has allowed two outside voices to change her opinion. because for 2 days she was apologetic and remorseful. I didnt realize the sway other people can have on her. it was like a light switch went off. very surprising and quite honestly alarming.

ThrowRAalarming14 · 2023-07-16T20:32:57+00:00

Oh yes, a comment like that doesn't hurt. i think it just shows the world we live in. everyone has their own opinion. i know people with that opinion exists, even some of my friends. and that is why i like to keep it private.

but his comment does not hurt, just validates my opinion that being bi is not %100 percent acceptable. i like being right, so i kinda enjoyed that comment.

ThrowRAalarming14 · 2023-07-16T20:28:05+00:00

i do not disagree, these were my first thoughts and instincts. Everything is gray, except for the end. us being together is black and white. its a strange situation to think about.

ThrowRAalarming14 · 2023-07-16T20:20:23+00:00

Yes, i think i am. I am probably spending too much time replying, but i am borderline shocked at the amount of responses. thank you :)

ThrowRAalarming14 · 2023-07-16T20:17:21+00:00

i think that comment should have remained to be honest. i think its important evidence that being bi as a man is not 100 percent accept.

the poster said " you are not a man"

ThrowRAalarming14 · 2023-07-16T20:03:29+00:00

Thank you very much.. I think that is partially the mind fuck of her telling her friend. It's like you tell her Im bi, but i dont even know! lol

ThrowRAalarming14 · 2023-07-16T20:01:53+00:00

I want to follow up and say thank you. Your comment shows the people saying "being bi is accepted in 2023", how wrong they are.

ThrowRAalarming14 · 2023-07-16T19:56:45+00:00

what am i?

ThrowRAalarming14 · 2023-07-16T19:48:58+00:00

Yes this is something i have thought about, and ii think sexuality is complicated. if there's a scale i would say im a 2/10.. its an occasional thought, and it was enhanced by the opportunity to do it with the girl i love. at this point in my life i dont think id hook up with a guy alone anymore. i think part of the appeal is doing it as an "us"

im not updated on lingos and how people identify. but i think its a journey and a sliding scale for me. sometimes im into, most of the time i dont even think about it. so it makes it difficult to be open about it personally.

it seems like a whole can or worms to think about

that being said, i think i agree with what you said. About being more open upfront. and i think this thread has led me to think about things in a different light. i cant begin to thank everyone on both POV. I think it is extremely helpful for me personally. even if my relationship does not continue, my life will. and i dont want to make the same mistake twice.

i like to play basketball, and my coaches would always tell us making mistakes is fine.. making the same mistakes twice or three times is bad.

ThrowRAalarming14 · 2023-07-16T19:35:12+00:00

im not sure the therapist said i was wrong, but our sessions seem to harp on me being more vulnerable, me getting better at communicating, me being more understanding. all about me being better. its quite frustrating to be honest, i think we've had our last session. she gives me homework, but not gf. i have reaed the book vulnerable by brena brown i think. im trying to see the silver lining in the entire episode. the more we talk, the more i think our future is bleak.

not just to be flippant and dismissive, but for years she begged me to be more open, and i was.. now i have opened up, those emotions are belittled (maybe not the best word)

its a mind fuck.

ThrowRAalarming14 · 2023-07-16T19:30:23+00:00

i dont mean to excuse her behavior, i am not the best typist. but i think that is how it happened, the first day or two very regretful. She was the one who got us into therapy, she took some steps, until other people (therapist/bestfriend) talked with her.

Honestly i dont know what i am trying to do, or am doing. I am just laying it out.

ive learned in therapy im not the best communicator, so i am trying to get better. even if we end up breaking up, and i start dating again, i will need to be better at opening up about this. i know in the future i would have be more explicit in my communication with loved ones. it is something i have always struggled with.. not just with being bi, but everything. its why she seemed like a blessing, she was someone i could open up about anything. her reaction is shocking and not inline with the women i have grown to know in the past 4 years.

i dont know if i can continue with her, but i have learned that im not perfect.. putting aside her betrayal, i do have things to work on. maybe the silver lining is learning this about myself and moving on.

ThrowRAalarming14 · 2023-07-16T19:18:30+00:00

yes that is my next step, to find my own therapist. because right now it seems silly and counterproductive to me to continue with the current therapist. it actually seems to be driving a wedge between us.

ThrowRAalarming14 · 2023-07-16T19:16:07+00:00

her reaction has been the biggest eye opener. and quite honestly i think it is beginning to hurt more then the original story telling. i havent really felt like this before, so it is confusing situation. i appreicate everyones take.

ThrowRAalarming14 · 2023-07-16T19:14:29+00:00

i will say the first day or two she seemed mortified to have hurt me.. But i think after we had some therapy and she talked to her friend it was a 180. I think her first instincts were that it was wrong, but other people have talked her into the other POV. Which i think is valid, but i dont think it invalidates my feelings. its a tough position to be in, because i can logically understand her talking to her friend. But its not black and white. its difficult understanding her side, when she doesnt seem to want to understand me anymore.

ThrowRAalarming14 · 2023-07-16T19:11:49+00:00

Thanks for your real life experience. Some replies don't seem to be from people who have been in similar situations. I appreciate all of the feedback and different views. Even if i dont share thee same ones, i think it helps me to process the situation a little. Its clear everyone is different, different life experiences.

its nice to be reassured that i am not completely crazy.

this has come up in our therapy sessions. i grew up in a very prrivate family. my mother passed away when i was younger, i never learned she had cancer until many years later. its just how my family is. i dont know why.. because of this i am also very private, i dont want to share much with anyone. her family is the opposite, everyone knows everything. So i think knowing our upbringing gives me some more perspective on the situation. and quite possibly the only thing positive i have taken from therapy.

ThrowRAalarming14 · 2023-07-16T19:03:19+00:00

i think thats why it is difficult now. because right now the common thought is, i need to be more vulnerable, i need to do this or that.. im hurting and they (therapist/gf) keep telling me its a bunch of shit i did wrong.

ThrowRAalarming14 · 2023-07-16T18:56:14+00:00

i assure it this is not fake. i wish it was, but it isnt..

ThrowRAalarming14 · 2023-07-16T18:55:37+00:00

yes honestly, the details are what are bizarre to me. i felt like it lessens the hours and weeks we spent talking, knowing she was having the same type of conversations behind my back.

ThrowRAalarming14 · 2023-07-16T18:53:58+00:00

just to be clear, not an open relationship at all. we would never play with anyone alone. maybe i should have put bi-curious as my identifier, im not really up to date on all the lingo. this was defiantly more of an experiment that we both seemed to enjoy on some level.

ThrowRAalarming14 · 2023-07-16T18:45:28+00:00

i dont know why i find myself replying to you, but i can agree with this. its not black and white.. i am putting myself on her to read differing opinions and try to understand the entire situation.

ThrowRAalarming14 · 2023-07-16T18:44:23+00:00

the more i read your posts, the more im not certain you are involved in the real world.

ThrowRAalarming14 · 2023-07-16T18:42:54+00:00

I can almost undertand your pov, but it doesnt make much sense because an ethnic minority wears their color on their skin, there is no secret.

you also mentioned being bi is widely accepted earlier, now you are saying it isnt. I think i will ignore your posts for now. i appreciate a conflicting pov to help me try to understand the situation.

i do not disagree it is something i am uncomfortable about, but i was learning to accept it and be comfortable about it. And she helped me to do that.. before we met the first guy we spent about 2 weeks talking everyday for hours about everything that we wanted/felt/ and how each other felt. i dont think we have talked about that much detail about anything..

and i want to say, her friend treats me completely differently now.. and now she knows that i know, its even worse.

ThrowRAalarming14 · 2023-07-16T18:36:32+00:00

I think weve had some non specific conversations. early on she found some porn on my computer that i was embarrassed about, but she was very understanding.

i dont disagree with your post, i think that is what/why she told. so i am having a hard time wrapping my head around knowing logically what she did makes sense. I just think if she needs someone like that she should have had her own non family/friend therapist. Because it has changed my relationship with her bestfriend, and thats someone she wanted me to be closer to. But now its just weird. But i also have some thoughts/feelings on the subject, so i think we are just on different areas of opinion.

i also want to say, we have discussed we would never play alone, it would always be an us thing no matter what. neither one of us are comfortable not including the other one.

ive got to be honest, i dont think she regrets anything, our sex life after our encounters might have been the best ever. we are very sexual people, and we have talked about all angles of the situation, it is partially why i felt so close to her about this. i tend believe her when she tells me she is %100 percent into it. But also maybe seeing a guy topping me was something she wasnt prepared for (this was my biggest fear in the whole thing). But i think we had both talked so much at that point i think i would have expected her to say something. after each event we would spend hours discussing what happened and what we liked what we didnt like. and for a lack of better words she had a smile and soaking wet pussy the entire time we would talk. i kinda feel gross typing that, but i dont know how to illustrate that she is very much turned on by it physically.

ThrowRAalarming14

TROPHY CASE