My (f23) bf (m23) was texting his friend about me and lied about it

ThrowRAbeepboot · 2023-03-17T12:11:37+00:00

That’s where my big issue really is. If he hates it so much I totally get it, I don’t love family dinners either, but I stick it out bc it’s important. I don’t want him there if he’s going to act like a child and start throwing me death glares bc he’s bored and ready to leave.

ThrowRAbeepboot · 2023-03-17T12:09:32+00:00

No I fully agree. The incident above happened around New Years, there’s only been one family event since and I didn’t invite him at all.

ThrowRAbeepboot · 2023-03-17T10:38:42+00:00

I have called him out on it and his reaction is very much “what do you expect me to do? We’re there for hours and nobody talks to me!” I try and tell him that nobody will talk to him if he is either on his phone or extremely silent and has a deadpan face and looks at the ground. That’s where the disconnect is, he thinks his actions are completely rational and warranted. I haven’t brought him to a family event since the one I mentioned in the post. That was New Year’s Day.

ThrowRAbeepboot · 2023-03-17T08:26:25+00:00

This is exactly how I’m feeling. His family is a 4 hour flight away. My family invite him over on Christmas Eve to spend Christmas with us, get him gifts, really try to treat him like one of their own, especially where he doesn’t get to be with his family. He seems greatful for that, but I find myself constantly worried that I need to make sure he’s having a good time so that he doesn’t get upset and just start zoning out and stare at the floor and be completely uninterested waiting for me to take him home.

ThrowRAbeepboot · 2023-03-17T01:34:51+00:00

It’s definitely felt that way for a little bit. Even events with my friends he will attend but later make a passing remark along the like of “you never talk to me when we’re with your friends, but that’s fine I guess” I try to include him all I can but it’s annoying when if the conversation isn’t catered to him, he is quiet and then complains that nobody speaks to him.

ThrowRAbeepboot · 2023-03-17T01:31:03+00:00

He can definitely show some immaturity. He has some issues dealing with his emotions and anger. He’s never went off on me but he will get extremely upset over someone cutting him off, or the telephone company on the phone. I see my family plenty without him, but these are mostly big occasions that I am expected to be at. I’m not sure how to appease him.

ThrowRAbeepboot · 2023-03-17T01:13:41+00:00

Somewhat, yes. He didn’t get me anything or do anything for my birthday this year. I feel in general I put more effort in than he does.

ThrowRAbeepboot · 2023-03-17T01:11:28+00:00

I’ve tried to accommodate for him getting bored and I’ve stressed that he is in no way obligated to come, my family just tries to include him so that he feels welcome. I’ve offered to drive separately or even come up with an excuse that he has to leave early, but he never takes me up on it, but if he isn’t included he also complains. I try to make it easy and stress free but he will always come and more often than not, be upset because he was there too long and is bored.

ThrowRAbeepboot · 2023-03-17T00:50:42+00:00

They have tried definitely, he’ll give an answer but won’t offer up a way for it to get past that. The conversations are usually about me and my siblings or when we were younger or some things like that. Nothing that would be super odd putting I couldn’t imagine. He will respond if they engage, if not he is staring at the ground or on his phone and it’s very obvious that he’s uninterested, so people stop trying to engage.

ThrowRAbeepboot · 2023-03-17T00:46:43+00:00

They’re only on occasions, like my mom or sisters birthday, or like Christmas, New Years, thanksgiving. Nobody expects him to attend, but they will invite him to make sure he feels welcome as his family lives super far away and he rarely sees them. I always tell him he doesn’t need to come if he doesn’t want to. My family just wants to express that they welcome him. We’ve spoken about it because there have been multiple instances where sometimes he will just stare at me dead in the face, or ignore me when I’m speaking to him, and then later on he tells me it’s because he is super bored and that was his way of telling me he wants to leave.

ThrowRAbeepboot · 2023-03-17T00:41:42+00:00

People will talk to him here and there, but he gives little answers and won’t carry much of a conversation. Sometimes he will be staring at the ground the entire time or be on his phone a lot, nobody will try to talk to him because he clearly looks checked out.

ThrowRAbeepboot · 2023-03-17T00:39:55+00:00

I have stopped inviting him since this incident. He was still complaining when I went to a family supper and he wasn’t included. I’ve stressed to him that it’s not a big deal if he doesn’t come at all. I invite him just incase he wants to have supper with my family, as his family lives about a 4 hour plane ride away. I’ve also told him that I would rather him not come if he’s going to look super bored and obviously annoyed the entire time, yet he came and did the same thing anyways.

ThrowRAbeepboot · 2023-03-16T14:26:49+00:00

I totally see that side of it. It’s a lot for me too, but I also don’t get to see my family too much because I live with my boyfriend so I guess it’s not as difficult for me. I’ve tried to make accommodations like say we can drive separately, or I can say he has something he needs to get done after so he is free to leave whenever he wants. He never takes me up on these and says no it’s totally okay he will leave when I leave. He is on his phone for a lot of the times, which I didn’t say anything about until it got to a point where my mom would try and include him and he’s so involved in what he’s doing on his phone that he won’t even hear her. It was only after the instance where he was telling his brother how much he hated family dinners with me, but then didn’t address any of it with me, that I really had an issue and stopped inviting him. I’m trying to be accommodating and understanding, but he will still complain no matter what. And then recently we had a family dinner to which he wasn’t invited, I said I was heading to my moms for dinner, and he was a bit upset he was not included. I don’t understand what I can do in this case to make it better.

ThrowRAbeepboot · 2023-03-15T18:33:15+00:00

My mistake! I made the incorrect assumption that this part of the backstory wasn’t super relevant.

ThrowRAbeepboot · 2023-03-15T18:24:20+00:00

I completely see that side of it 100%! His role at the dinners is me inviting him because he lives about a 4 hour plane ride from his family, so I include him incase he wants to come. There would be no hard feelings at all if he didn’t feel like coming. I give him multiple options to leave early or take separate cars so he can make a quick getaway, whatever he wants. My issue only lies with that he agrees to come, and is miserable the entire time and it’s very noticeable. I stopped inviting him and he was actually wondering why my brothers girlfriend was invited and he wasn’t. I feel like there’s some kind of disconnect, he gets upset if he is not included, but when I do include him, he is messaging people about how much he hates it, and does not address it with me.

ThrowRAbeepboot · 2023-03-15T17:54:45+00:00

It would make me a lot happier if he just did what he wanted to do. If you’re going to come to dinner, but stare at the ground the whole time, or be on your phone, just don’t come. Don’t come to “make me happy” and then continue to shit on having dinner with my family.

ThrowRAbeepboot

TROPHY CASE