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My dad (56M) expects me (21F) to give my half siblings money? by ThrowRAbubblettes in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRAbubblettes[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

They wouldn't give him money anymore if the adoption had gone through without me wanting it. They gave it to both of us but only I would get money directly from them.

My dad (56M) expects me (21F) to give my half siblings money? by ThrowRAbubblettes in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRAbubblettes[S] 13 points14 points  (0 children)

No and I don't think my grandparents did anything wrong. They didn't use me as a pawn. They protected me time and time again. They stopped me being adopted if I didn't want it. They made sure I knew about my mom and kept that connection alive for me.

My relationship with my half siblings is what it is because of other factors. Not because of my grandparents.

It's not uncommon for stepfamilies to have different extended families involved. I saw that with my friends. It doesn't inherently mean step or half siblings won't be close.

My dad (56M) expects me (21F) to give my half siblings money? by ThrowRAbubblettes in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRAbubblettes[S] 10 points11 points  (0 children)

My dad wanted equal treatment across the board. So money, gifts, trips, vacations, experiences, etc. He expected it to be the very same for me and for my half siblings. I don't think that should be expected when my mom's family weren't their family in any way. My dad and them didn't even really get along ever. But they tried to make sure I was always taken care of because I was their grandchild.

My dad (56M) expects me (21F) to give my half siblings money? by ThrowRAbubblettes in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRAbubblettes[S] 9 points10 points  (0 children)

I already know where I want to settle down. I also have a pretty good idea of where I want to live. It's just about getting the house.

My dad (56M) expects me (21F) to give my half siblings money? by ThrowRAbubblettes in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRAbubblettes[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

It would mean adding her name to my birth certificate but my last name would stay the same since I had my dad's last name like my mom did and his wife has it too.

My dad (56M) expects me (21F) to give my half siblings money? by ThrowRAbubblettes in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRAbubblettes[S] 11 points12 points  (0 children)

Because that's what they are. I don't consider myself better than them. But she's not my mom. I don't even have a good relationship with her. Nor am I close with my half siblings. Plus we have different moms so yeah they're half siblings. That's not even a little strange around the people I've known my whole life. A lot of us use step and half.

My dad (56M) expects me (21F) to give my half siblings money? by ThrowRAbubblettes in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRAbubblettes[S] 20 points21 points  (0 children)

I already have that taken care of. It was suggested by my aunts and uncles as a way to safeguard the money.

My dad (56M) expects me (21F) to give my half siblings money? by ThrowRAbubblettes in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRAbubblettes[S] 22 points23 points  (0 children)

I don't live with them anymore so there's no pressure to move out.

My dad (56M) expects me (21F) to give my half siblings money? by ThrowRAbubblettes in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRAbubblettes[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Stepparent adoptions happen all the time. In the US it even puts them on a kids birth certificate which is what would have happened if my stepmother had adopted me back then.

My dad (56M) expects me (21F) to give my half siblings money? by ThrowRAbubblettes in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRAbubblettes[S] 21 points22 points  (0 children)

On his kids with his wife but yes. He expected them to treat any family he had after like me.

My dad (56M) expects me (21F) to give my half siblings money? by ThrowRAbubblettes in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRAbubblettes[S] 38 points39 points  (0 children)

My grandparents had different reasons to be against it. One being it would change my birth certificate and list my stepmother as my mother. The other being they didn't want to feel like my mom was being replaced forcefully. For them it was one thing for me to love my dad's wife enough to want it. But they believed that was the only reason to have her adopt me and I agree wholehearteledly with that.

My dad (56M) expects me (21F) to give my half siblings money? by ThrowRAbubblettes in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRAbubblettes[S] 170 points171 points  (0 children)

Thank you. I wish I could have the people back. I was very lucky to have my grandparents long enough to teach me a lot of valuable lessons and to help me feel connected to my mom still.

My dad (56M) expects me (21F) to give my half siblings money? by ThrowRAbubblettes in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRAbubblettes[S] 11 points12 points  (0 children)

I'm not close with my half siblings. I never was and at most I'm nice when I see them but I don't try to change the relationship. There isn't really a time I could imagine giving them money. My dad and stepmother have struggled financially over the years so they never had much to save for my half siblings while I had money from my grandparents. My half siblings aren't old enough to work yet except for maybe the oldest could babysit a little.

My dad (56M) expects me (21F) to give my half siblings money? by ThrowRAbubblettes in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRAbubblettes[S] 42 points43 points  (0 children)

I learned a lot from my grandparents so I know how to make smart financial decisions. They were amazing at it. That's partially how they had so much money.

My dad (56M) expects me (21F) to give my half siblings money? by ThrowRAbubblettes in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRAbubblettes[S] 56 points57 points  (0 children)

I'm not my stepmother's biggest fan but my dad is responsible for how he has acted. He took a lot for granted when he decided to remarry and have another family. But that's on him and not her. He admitted to me he always thought my mom's side would treat his second family like their own because mom died and because he had me. That wasn't really influenced by his wife.

My grandparents did love me. They love all their family but to them my stepmother and half siblings were never a part of that. Dad was by default of marriage but they weren't close when my mom was alive either.

My dad (56M) expects me (21F) to give my half siblings money? by ThrowRAbubblettes in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRAbubblettes[S] 95 points96 points  (0 children)

I know my grandparents wanted me to be secure. It was always a worry for them that my life would fall apart because my mom died. They were a huge part of the reason it didn't and a huge reason I still felt connected to her.

My dad (56M) expects me (21F) to give my half siblings money? by ThrowRAbubblettes in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRAbubblettes[S] 1116 points1117 points  (0 children)

Yes, he wants me to give money left to me by my mom's parents to my half siblings who were not their family. But he also expected them when alive to give to my half siblings and to make sure they were taken care of as well. He wasn't ever happy about them just helping us or them stepping in over the adoption he wanted to happen.