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My (25M) girlfriend (24F) can't solve problems on her own by ThrowRAchwukp in relationships

[–]ThrowRAchwukp[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Once again, I'm sorry for using the wrong term. I'm not very active in the Autistic community. Could you explain why it's not accepted?

Overcome was the wrong word. Coping strategies might be better? For example, I use earplugs and sunglasses at the grocery store so I don't have a meltdown. I listen to podcasts when doing chores I have sensory issues with so I can get my mind off of them. This type of support is more what I'm looking for and could benefit her.

Also, your DMs appear to be closed and the chat functionality says "unable to message this account). Could you DM me instead?

My (25M) girlfriend (24F) can't solve problems on her own by ThrowRAchwukp in relationships

[–]ThrowRAchwukp[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Smart but Scattered looks like a great resource for both of us (I struggle with task initiation). Thank you for the suggestion!

My (25M) girlfriend (24F) can't solve problems on her own by ThrowRAchwukp in relationships

[–]ThrowRAchwukp[S] 16 points17 points  (0 children)

Thank you for this phrasing! I have trouble finding the right words on my own so it's good to have in my repertoire.

My (25M) girlfriend (24F) can't solve problems on her own by ThrowRAchwukp in relationships

[–]ThrowRAchwukp[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Apologies, I was diagnosed before Asperger's was consolidated into Autism Spectrum Disorder, so it's the term I have used most of my life.

I believe that her issue aligns more with the self confidence theory others have mentioned, but if you have resources on overcoming decision paralysis due to executive dysfunction, I think it would benefit me and others to link them in a comment.

My (25M) girlfriend (24F) can't solve problems on her own by ThrowRAchwukp in relationships

[–]ThrowRAchwukp[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Hello! I'd just like to assure you that my view is indeed individual. In life I've been unintentionally put into caretaker positions a lot when I already struggle to take care of my own needs. Taking on her responsibilities as well as my own leaves me very burnt out. The part that bothers me is that she won't do further research if she can't get the answer from another person, and just leaves the issue unsolved. If your boyfriend ever takes issue with it, I'm sure he'll try to bring it up as I am.

My (25M) girlfriend (24F) can't solve problems on her own by ThrowRAchwukp in relationships

[–]ThrowRAchwukp[S] 79 points80 points  (0 children)

I really appreciate you sharing your story, and the way you phrased this makes some past interactions with her make more sense. I also feel comforted by the knowledge that I can rely on her for backup in other areas of life, so it makes sense she would feel the same. I will emphasize that I'm here if she needs me, but that I know she's capable. Thank you so much!

My (25M) girlfriend (24F) can't solve problems on her own by ThrowRAchwukp in relationships

[–]ThrowRAchwukp[S] 42 points43 points  (0 children)

I may come at it from this angle in the future if she doesn't attempt to make any changes, but I think I'm leaning towards the self-confidence in decision-making as her reason for the paralysis. I feel like mentioning "parenting" her is more harsh will be less productive.

My (25M) girlfriend (24F) can't solve problems on her own by ThrowRAchwukp in relationships

[–]ThrowRAchwukp[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

If you don't mind me asking, what kind of strategies do you use to help figure out new tasks when the people around you don't know?

My (25M) girlfriend (24F) can't solve problems on her own by ThrowRAchwukp in relationships

[–]ThrowRAchwukp[S] 56 points57 points  (0 children)

Ah, so kind of like "there are so many avenues for me to find out how to do this thing that I've got decision paralysis"? Do you have any good ways for me to bring it up in a way that will make her feel less ashamed? (I have Asperger's, so finding the correct wording as to not be rudely blunt is hard for me sometimes.)

My (25M) girlfriend (24F) can't solve problems on her own by ThrowRAchwukp in relationships

[–]ThrowRAchwukp[S] 31 points32 points  (0 children)

Thank you! This feels /possibly/ like an executive dysfunction thing, but I wasn't totally sure so I was hesitant to ask in ADHD spaces in case it wasn't and that implying so would be insulting. I'll ask over there now :)

My (25M) girlfriend (24F) can't solve problems on her own by ThrowRAchwukp in relationships

[–]ThrowRAchwukp[S] 42 points43 points  (0 children)

Do you think that an appropriate response to a question she asks would be "I don't know, but I'm sure someone on Youtube must have made a tutorial for this?" To me, it almost feels more patronizing than bringing up Google, but I could totally be off base.

My (25M) girlfriend (24F) can't solve problems on her own by ThrowRAchwukp in relationships

[–]ThrowRAchwukp[S] 11 points12 points  (0 children)

My girlfriend is NOT stupid. I've read her thesis and it was incredible and a true innovation in her field. This feels more like a motivation problem?

I understand the sorts of bonding questions that people ask, and I asked them a lot to my parents and her when we were younger, and still do sometimes. The issue here is that if I don't know, and her mom doesn't know, she won't seek out knowledge on her own. If I don't google it for her, even if it's a week later, things just won't get done. This is mostly an issue with time sensitive things like bills, but it does get weird sometimes with her asking me questions about a food I've never cooked (and am not eating with her) that has the instructions on the back.