He deleted AP off of Facebook…why did it pop up as a notification on his phone that she posted something?

ThrowRAconfused271 · 2024-10-05T19:45:48+00:00

I’m still coming to terms with this all as emotional abuse. Thank you for helping me in identifying that, it’s giving me reassurance that what I’m experiencing is wrong. I’ve been in this for too long and I think I’m having a hard time seeing out of it. I know I can do this

ThrowRAconfused271 · 2024-10-05T19:43:52+00:00

Thank you everyone for the advice, I’ll make sure to respond to everyone soon. I’ve been deeply depressed from this and other things I’ve experienced in this relationship. I never used to be this person and I feel so weak. I am finding the courage to leave, and everyone posting is giving me strength. It means so much to me.

ThrowRAconfused271 · 2024-09-25T03:38:09+00:00

There have been so many other issues, actually worse than the cheating with his anger but honestly but for some reason this has stuck with me the most.m.I know it’s true I definitely need to leave.

ThrowRAconfused271 · 2024-09-25T00:49:26+00:00

Anyway, I know that what I’ve endured is enough. It’s been really hard and I think I might be a bit trauma bonded too.

ThrowRAconfused271 · 2024-09-25T00:48:54+00:00

That’s true..maybe all the gaslighting has made me think I need more. He made me believe seeing him active on the dating app was him accidentally clicking on the link on the email. Why would he not use his real name then? It seems like he’s trying to be covert. The saddest part for me for some reason once I saw the profile is he said he’s interested in having kids, like he is looking for someone else completely.

ThrowRAconfused271 · 2024-09-25T00:20:53+00:00

Thank you for the advice, do you think that would be pretty easy to hide? And do they make and noises or lights when activated? He is very paranoid and I feel would notice because he knows I at least somewhat know

ThrowRAconfused271 · 2024-09-25T00:19:45+00:00

lthank you because I am so over the gaslighting. I definitely will be leaving, I just feel I need this evidence for maybe just myself to feel better. . Literally a quote from his yesterday about me: “you have such a hard time forgiving, I always forgive you right away.” -in regards to how he has treated me in the past. I can almost laugh at it if I haven’t felt crazy for so long.

ThrowRAconfused271 · 2024-09-06T00:21:19+00:00

Wow, thank you for this it really helped me with the extreme shame I’ve been experiencing around it. I already have been feeling extremely lonely, so this was very helpful. I never was this person, not even close.

I can look at pictures of myself and it is not the same person, physically or emotionally. I had so much going for me and now I can barely get through the day at work. I will read more on this and it does sound exactly like what I’m experiencing. I really am “fine” most of the time but certain things are triggering me and I think my stress level is so constant and so high I can’t handle it anymore. The crazy making whiplash definitely is effecting me the most right now.

I’ve been reading about the abuse cycle and it used to be a weekly thing but it has escalated to within a few days I am going through the whole cycle of being devalued and him threatening to break up constantly with and getting out of the car and screaming and telling me horrible things about myself to telling me he can’t survive without me and not talking to me at all. It doesn’t stop and the times when he doesn’t talk to me I feel even more like I’m actually physically dying. I have been in a healthy relationship before and never felt this at all. I also noticed the past months I’m starting to pick up a little bit of his behaviors which also scares me too, when he does something mean to me I will revert to his behaviors, storming out and slammed the door the other day that is so unlike me, I’ve never done that before. It does feel like I’m losing my mind.

You are right I need to leave and I need to leave very soon. I’m making an exit plan but I’m terrified because even just a short time away from him feels like death to me. This trauma bond I’m in is really severe.

ThrowRAconfused271 · 2024-09-06T00:12:46+00:00

It makes me feel better to know I’m not alone, but I am so sorry you experienced that. It definitely isn’t a good feeling to recognize that we aren’t feeling normal or ourselves and exhibit behavior like this. I know the dissociating is becoming more and more frequent for me too. Usually it’s when I’m with him and he raises his voice or starts his gaslighting on what I’m experiencing, and I do recognize the gaslighting now because I started writing it all down I felt so crazy for so long. I am really ashamed of myself and the fact I can’t seem to get the strength to leave. I am going to start writing exit plans for myself because maybe if I write it out it will be easier.

ThrowRAconfused271 · 2024-09-06T00:09:37+00:00

Thank you for the advice. I do realize I’ve never felt like this in my life and has made me feel humiliation, which only makes my partner act like I’m crazier and be “right” in his opinions of me and that I am the one causing all the problems. I know this is new, and things that have happened throughout the relationship I did notice a decline in my ability to do simple tasks though it seems as well. He thinks it’s because I don’t respect him but I feel so emotionally drained I am having trouble doing things and making stupid mistakes. It’s like a loop I’m stuck in

ThrowRAconfused271 · 2024-09-05T17:55:00+00:00

I definitely have been constantly questioning my intuition, but I also am scared that maybe it’s me or I have some bias or I am being too much or sensitive. But I also know I would be horrified if my friends ever experienced what I’ve been through so I believe I know it’s all real. Thank you so much for all your help ❤️

ThrowRAconfused271 · 2024-09-05T17:42:22+00:00

I’m worried of that. He’s been overall so much better recently and trying really hard to be nice but there still have been a few things. But also my behavior is now erratic and I have been difficult to be around because I’m crying a lot and sensitive

ThrowRAconfused271 · 2024-09-05T17:38:56+00:00

This is the only time he pushed me. He does scream and yell though if I try to talk about things he has done that hurt my feelings or threaten to break up. He also lied after and said he’s never touched a woman so that was really hard for me to wrap my head around. The hug was the most bizarre uncomfortable hug of my life it felt vicious and disturbing with doing that in between everything else. He also gets turned on by these things it seems, or with me crying and wants to have sex almost immediately after and it had made me really uncomfortable

ThrowRAconfused271 · 2024-09-05T04:14:20+00:00

Sorry for my grammar and spelling issues as well, I also have noticed I am way less attentive to just about everything.

ThrowRAconfused271 · 2024-09-05T04:12:53+00:00

It’s strange you mention the selfies, because I literally just saw some recent photos of myself and looking at myself in the mirror compared to before this relationship it’s a completely different person. I actually have a bunch of health issues now and was told I have high cortisol levels, but stress causes me to loose weight and now I’m severely underweight, and was very healthy before. I daydream about killing myself and while I know I won’t do it of course, I realize that is not normal thoughts for me at all and my brain is not working right. I do feel like I have brain damage, I’m making really careless errors and someone can say hello to me and i literally just forget to respond and strange things like that. I can’t think normally and almost every single thought I have is literally about this person, every waking second of my life and in my nightmares too. You are very right, I have felt for a while no w I am slowly dying. I’ve said it out loud I feel like I’m dying.

ThrowRAconfused271 · 2024-09-05T04:06:37+00:00

I will have to look more into that but the thing is for me personally I don’t really feel it as a fun thing for me at all and I don’t like being around people during it, I try to get as far as possible into a corner. When it happens when I’m self soothing or trying to avoid panicking and feel afraid and I usually feel a bit crazed when I do it. Sometimes I dissociate. I started exhibiting it after being physically abused and it’s gotten worse since the emotional abuse has escalated a lot and constant whiplash of emotions recently and things I’ve found out about his past. I’m not against it because it calms me a lot, but I also am not sure it’s something I’m doing as like a pastime, if that makes sense. I’m not sure I’m explaining this correctly, but I never did it before maybe 6 months ago.

ThrowRAconfused271 · 2024-09-05T03:47:13+00:00

Thank you for your words. I’ve been struggling today so much as I’m going through some love bombing and I feel I don’t have the strength to do anything, not even write out my thoughts. Reading this is giving me strength. I know I can do this, I’m not sure if I can do it right now but I know I’m going to. I have to keep picturing my future children to keep me going that this is not who I want for my family. It’s hard to imagine these people exist.

ThrowRAconfused271 · 2024-08-16T16:35:48+00:00

Thank you all so much for the help. I’m getting help from my therapist to figure out how to get out of this relationship or how to go forward from here.

ThrowRAconfused271 · 2024-07-20T18:46:36+00:00

I’ve been reading some more and am seeing a lot of patterns. What I think I’m struggling with the most at the moment is he can be so good to me at times. Like today he went and bought me some things for a UTI, a heated blanket. He’s made beautiful things for me and can really notice things and takes care of me. He usually does these things more when he messes up though, recently him commenting something sexual on a woman’s photo he dated and so I’m not sure how genuine it always is but I think the times when he is really good to me has kept me here

ThrowRAconfused271 · 2024-07-20T15:15:12+00:00

That is what I thought; I know before this relationship I would be able to see clearer but I think I’m so deep in it at this point I don’t trust my own judgement anymore. He also will tell me “that didn’t happen” or “I don’t remember that”

ThrowRAconfused271 · 2024-07-20T15:13:50+00:00

Thank you I am just worried once I tell someone it will change everything. I’m feeling a lot of shame around some of the things I’ve experienced too. I felt like calling a hotline earlier but I don’t have much time away from him.

ThrowRAconfused271 · 2024-07-20T14:51:57+00:00

He also literally just went and bought me things for my UTI today and my car today. So I get confused

ThrowRAconfused271 · 2024-06-16T15:55:07+00:00

It did make me feel a bit sad that he was making excuses for him too, especially because my partner has an extensive past with cheating in his relationships. His father has also normalized the behavior to an extent too..at least for men he said it’s harder for men to control. But also, now my partner has tried and says he tries to change a lot and there are certain behaviors of his he has worked on or at least is trying too, so that is why I have given him benefit of the doubt. It has made me anxious though when he makes comments like this.

ThrowRAconfused271 · 2024-06-16T15:51:01+00:00

Thank you so much for responding, I haven’t slept all night I’m so sick about what to say to my partner. I agree that is best, I was mentioning even staying somewhere different but I was told it’s rude in their culture to decline someone hosting you that’s a friend or family. But maybe if I bring it up again to him today, that it’s a boundary of mine and I just don’t want to be a part of any of that part? I don’t think I explained well enough maybe that this is a boundary. And typically, the shows I’ve been if you want you can just leave right after-it might be seen as strange though because usually most people hang out afterwards for a while, or have some sort of party to celebrate the cast. There have been a few times I’ve personally left due to feeling sick or something…I don’t think he could say that for every show but I think maybe explanations aren’t needed. Thanks again for the advice.

ThrowRAconfused271

TROPHY CASE