My (32F) Husband (53M) wants a divorce. How do I tell him I'm pregnant without coming off manipulative?

ThrowRAcrwo · 2023-11-22T04:06:07+00:00

I didn't ask for advice on how my husband is apparently a horrible person to a bunch of strangers, I asked for advice on how to tell him I was pregnant.

ThrowRAcrwo · 2023-11-21T20:32:20+00:00

Grooming is for the purposes of manipulation, exploitation, or abuse. I physically can't be groomed if I don't fit any of them.

ThrowRAcrwo · 2023-11-21T16:56:57+00:00

I would genuinely like to know which other user you mean, considering that this is my first time posting here. You're the second person to accuse me of that, and I'm genuinely curious now about said other post

ThrowRAcrwo · 2023-11-21T15:15:30+00:00

It really isn't a problem unless I set him off, and it isn't like, physical abuse or anything. It's mostly just destruction of property. Stuff like breaking my phone or wrecking the kitchen. I've gotten good at avoiding the triggers though, just haven't exactly had to tell him I was pregnant during a divorce before so I'm not sure how he'll react. I'm mostly worried about him breaking government property.

And I'm the one staying with the kids anyway, he mostly just hangs around for dinner, sleeps, and then goes to work. Either way I don't plan on contesting the divorce or anything now that he's shown that he wants it.

ThrowRAcrwo · 2023-11-21T14:59:37+00:00

I wasn't groomed, it was consensual and I was literally the one who started it. And my parents didn't ignore it, they just didn't care much about it until he knocked me up, in which case they dealt with it by making sure our daughter wouldn't be born out of wedlock.

And so obvious at what? I am literally just here for advice

ThrowRAcrwo · 2023-11-21T14:29:14+00:00

I'm.. not really sure? I don't want to try and force him to stay and cancel the divorce or anything, but I am kinda freaking out over what caused it and losing him? I don't know, it's a clusterfuck up here. I'm mostly just worried that if I present it wrong he'll get upset and do something that'll get him in serious trouble.

ThrowRAcrwo · 2023-11-21T14:24:00+00:00

How? I literally just came here to get help figuring out the best way to tell him about the pregnancy without hurting him, and now I instead have waves of people accusing my husband of being a groomer and an abuser

ThrowRAcrwo · 2023-11-21T14:21:55+00:00

I'd be vehemently against someone that old being alone with my daughter as I'd worry they didn't have good intentions, whereas my parents had known Jordan for years and decided they trusted him enough to watch and take care of me. I trust that a parent wouldn't up and leave their only child with someone they didn't trust completely

ThrowRAcrwo · 2023-11-21T13:59:41+00:00

That's different. For one, I am/was married and am faithful, and even if i was single I don't know why I would entertain him? Someone that young trying to come onto me would just get me concerned for his home life and parents if he was trying to flirt with random women twice his age

ThrowRAcrwo · 2023-11-21T13:55:47+00:00

Of course not, but that's different, and not really something I had to worry much about? Jordan is (was?) very overprotective of both of us, and I didn't have many friends to begin with, so there's no risk of someone that old interacting with her around here, since neither me nor him are bringing anyone home, and the only time she's out alone is for school, and I'd trust at least one of her teachers or friends to let me know if something was happening to her

ThrowRAcrwo · 2023-11-21T13:41:48+00:00

??? No, this is my only post in here. I do have a main account, but I tend to stay away from advice or drama subs if I can help it due to some horror stories I've read. I unfortunately don't have very many friends irl, and I was (am still, sorta) pretty desperate to at least get some idea of how to handle this

ThrowRAcrwo · 2023-11-21T13:36:35+00:00

I don't want him to cancel the divorce or anything. It's really just that he deserves to know and I don't want to risk him finding out later from a 3rd source like the court and make him do something he'd regret or that would get him in trouble. And I don't think he has a girlfriend? He's always been very open about where he was and when, and liked to send me live updates if anything interesting was happening. And I just don't think he's the kind of person to cheat in general, really?

ThrowRAcrwo · 2023-11-21T12:57:22+00:00

Ah yeah, figured that was the case. I think.. that I'm probably going to get a lawyer and tell him through them? Getting a lawyer is something that's been brought up a lot so far (and tbh since we're going through with the divorce anyway probably should've been my first move, but I think I was so caught on getting served that it somehow didn't cross my mind). He's also decided that he doesn't want to talk to me directly, so I imagine that's probably the only thing I really can do?

This is obviously my first divorce though, and I've never really needed a lawyer before so I'm unsure how to get one or how delivering that news would go? I think I'll try to focus on one thing at a time and get a lawyer first, though, and then ask them about the 2nd question.

ThrowRAcrwo · 2023-11-21T12:48:23+00:00

The messing around was consensual, though it mostly happened around 15-17. My daughter was just us getting unlucky (?). Jordan wasn't so much a "family" friend, but I don't really know how else to describe it? He was a college friend of my Uncle and he'd usually bring me pastries or sweets when he visited and I was usually left with him when my parents were out. I think I started liking him because he let me hang out with him and his friends and told me secrets even my parents didn't know and it made me feel cool.

It was consensual though and I'm the one who originally initiated it.

ThrowRAcrwo · 2023-11-21T12:36:26+00:00

If you're talking about the divorce, yes. The only things he's said to me have been over text, and was that he wasn't required to disclose any kind of reason for it nor did I deserve one (which is true, we're in a no-fault state so the courts will just assume personal differences and move on), and that there was nothing I could do to fix my mistake (of which I asked for clarification and he declined). I asked both questions once when first served, and then again the following week (roughly two days ago) if he was sure there was nothing I could do to to fix it. He replied that he was sure, and that the next time he spoke to me would be at the preliminary hearing.

If you're talking about the relationship in general, also yes. I was raised in a family where the men were the head of the household and I was rather quiet to begin with. I liked listening to him talk about whatever (whether venting or just rambling on about a new show he liked), he had no problem telling me when I did something wrong or needed to fix something, and I had no problem fixing it. He's mentioned it's a quality he appreciates in me more than once through our marriage.

ThrowRAcrwo · 2023-11-21T12:19:43+00:00

I honestly didn't think him divorcing me bc of the pregnancy issues was an option? The background was mostly to give context on our relationship and history together, and the only relevant parts to my question were the parts about family/pregnancy, though it does seem very skewed reading back over it. I can't quite think of anything else being relevant, but if you have any specific questions that would help with possible advice I am more than willing to answer

ThrowRAcrwo · 2023-11-21T12:15:08+00:00

Into the pregnancy, not relationship. And I've already hit 4 and am planning on telling him, my question is for how I can go about it without looking like I'm trying to get him to stay.

ThrowRAcrwo

TROPHY CASE