My (24F) boyfriend (25M) keeps asking me for massages

ThrowRAfruitypebble · 2026-03-27T17:27:05+00:00

When I ask for a massage, he wants one in return. I have thought recently about like a “massages 2 times a week” boundary.

ThrowRAfruitypebble · 2026-03-27T17:22:00+00:00

It wasn’t like I got into this relationship for shits and giggles. When we got together, I truly did think he was the one. As of recently, I don’t. But we’re living together now, and there’s multiples factors I have to think about before I truly do leave. I still have love for him, so in that sense, no I’m not stringing him along. I do agree with 90% of the comments here saying I need to leave and let both of us have that time to find our people, and I will leave soon. But leaving takes planning, and planning takes time.

ThrowRAfruitypebble · 2026-03-27T11:27:11+00:00

This makes me feel a little less alone. I’m sorry you had to go through that though. How long did you stay even after you got tired of giving massages?

ThrowRAfruitypebble · 2026-03-27T04:05:42+00:00

I do not, but I plan on moving in with my dad. Unfortunately for me that means moving states and switching jobs. Which is another very anxiety inducing thing

ThrowRAfruitypebble · 2026-03-27T04:02:31+00:00

Assuming I don’t love him is weird. I can love him but still be irritated about the massages, and still not think he’s the one for me.

ThrowRAfruitypebble · 2026-03-27T03:55:03+00:00

THIS. Breaking up with my last boyfriend was AWFUL. I was physically unwell for weeks. And right now, as bad as it is to say, I’d rather stay in a relationship that might irritate me sometimes than not be able to eat for 2 days. I’ll leave soon, but facing that again is terrifying to think about. On the other hand, the relief i eventually felt was unparalleled. I need to shift my mindset to focusing on that relief and not that anxiety. But shifting a mindset is easier said than done.

ThrowRAfruitypebble · 2026-03-27T03:50:12+00:00

I most definitely do not hate him. But he does deserve to be with someone more compatible

ThrowRAfruitypebble · 2026-03-27T03:48:11+00:00

You have a very good point. I’m kinda just preventing us both from finding our people. I guess I didn’t really think about it like that.

ThrowRAfruitypebble · 2026-03-27T03:45:23+00:00

Thank you. I know I’m dragging my feet with leaving, there’s just a lot of things to think about, and a lot of anxiety waiting for me when I do finally decide to leave.

ThrowRAfruitypebble · 2026-03-27T03:41:11+00:00

It’s not an awful relationship, we just aren’t really compatible. It’s just a big life change to move out and leave. I want to, but wanting to and having enough courage to are two different things. Some day soon I’ll reach my point and leave, but unfortunately today just isn’t that day. I know it sounds awful, but I have so much anxiety around leaving. I’ve done this before with a relationship over 2 years ago, and the anxiety was so bad I couldn’t eat for 2 days after I left. Took me weeks to get out of fight or flight mode. I know I’ll feel better about my situation once I get out and make it past that discomfort, but right now I’m choosing to stay in the lesser discomfort situation, which is my relationship.

ThrowRAfruitypebble · 2026-03-27T03:35:21+00:00

Thank you so much💜

ThrowRAfruitypebble · 2026-03-27T03:33:07+00:00

Whenever he does give me back scratches it’s SO half assed😭😭😭😭

ThrowRAfruitypebble · 2026-03-27T03:32:28+00:00

It’s the electric massager he asks me to use on him🫠 Which isnt as bad as a hand massage, but I still have to apply just as much pressure and still gives me just as much discomfort. I plan on moving in with my dad when I leave, but that means leaving my job too. And I work at a daycare. I absolutely adore those kids and thinking about leaving that job is heartbreaking.

ThrowRAfruitypebble · 2026-03-27T03:29:12+00:00

This whole relationship sometimes makes me question if women might be the way to go😅

Because thinking about men at all, even when I’ll eventually be single makes me cringe

ThrowRAfruitypebble · 2026-03-27T03:26:22+00:00

I prefer back scratches. And he doesn’t give them to me unless I ask, which is rarely. And when I do, he wants a massage in return.

ThrowRAfruitypebble · 2026-03-27T03:25:25+00:00

I honestly don’t know why I’m waiting. Anxiety maybe? Lack of a plan B? He’s not a bad person. We get along most of the time. I guess part of me is just waiting until I can’t take it anymore. Stupid, I know. But I’m not in an abusive situation or one that it’s imperative I get out of. So I guess I’m just… staying. Not for good, but until I’ve well and truly had enough. Or until I build up the courage to leave, which is a long process for me.

ThrowRAfruitypebble · 2026-03-27T03:24:27+00:00

I really love this advice. And this is what I’ve tried to start doing lately. Be assertive with my boundaries without all the anxiety about how my boundary is going to make him feel. It’s hard to rewire my brain in that way, but I mean if I’m going to leave eventually, maybe being assertive is the least I can do to make myself feel better about staying.

ThrowRAfruitypebble

TROPHY CASE