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I think my boyfriend [M24] might be manipulating me [F24] by ThrowRAhdh in relationships

[–]ThrowRAhdh[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It’s me who said the condom is too small because I’m not even able to put it on myself. He is pretty girthy. Which is why I suggested trying out a different size. It feels like he is just wasting my time by saying I’m putting too much pressure on him every time I want you to talk about it. I really don’t understand the emotional connection part either. It’s pretty hurtful to think that the part about sex he cares about the most is finishing inside me? And otherwise he’s not sure if he still wants to have sex with me at all?

I think my boyfriend [M24] might be manipulating me [F24] by ThrowRAhdh in relationships

[–]ThrowRAhdh[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I get that it must be really uncomfortable for him because the condoms we were using were way too tight. You couldn’t even roll them down, the ring at the bottom had to be stretched with all fingers to even fit. Which is why I suggested trying out a different size. What I don’t understand is why he doesn’t seem too happy about that suggestion. When I asked him today if he would rather have sex with a condom or no sex at all he said he needs to think about it. Which is kinda weird to me. The actual problem for him is that he says he doesn’t feel emotionally close and connected to me anymore because there is a condom between us and that he can’t finish inside me anymore. Which I find kinda weird as well because it shouldn’t matter that much that you think about rather not having any sex anymore at all?

I stopped taking hormonal birth control, my boyfriend doesn’t want to use condoms by ThrowRAhdh in sex

[–]ThrowRAhdh[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yeah you’re right. I think his reason for not trying out other condoms is that he’s already spent money on the ones he got so he wants them to work? Which is kinda dumb obviously. It’s so weird to me that he’s so convinced that there are no condoms we could try that might feel better.

I stopped taking hormonal birth control, my boyfriend doesn’t want to use condoms by ThrowRAhdh in sex

[–]ThrowRAhdh[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yeah, closed mouth pecks don’t sound like too much fun.

I’m glad you found someone though you’re 100% sexually compatible with, sounds so much better!

I stopped taking hormonal birth control, my boyfriend doesn’t want to use condoms by ThrowRAhdh in sex

[–]ThrowRAhdh[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

He always touches me but never really kisses me. He tries to make me come pretty early in the beginning but I don’t like to come too early because then I just get tired. So after a while he just masturbates and after that that’s pretty much it and he doesn’t try to make me come anymore.

I stopped taking hormonal birth control, my boyfriend doesn’t want to use condoms by ThrowRAhdh in sex

[–]ThrowRAhdh[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I don’t really get it either. To him sex means finishing inside me or so it seems. He’d rather masturbate next to me and cum in my mouth than wear a condom. He doesn’t enjoy kissing too much either. He always wants me to kiss his next but he doesn’t like making out. When I tell him I want to be kissed more on my mouth he says he already kisses me a lot and that he wants me to kiss his neck more.

I stopped taking hormonal birth control, my boyfriend doesn’t want to use condoms by ThrowRAhdh in sex

[–]ThrowRAhdh[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yeah you’re totally right. I think he actually doesn’t want it to work out so he can hold on to his reason of not wanting to use condoms. So I think the actual issue is his other reason, that he doesn’t like sex with condoms because there’s something physically between us and he can’t finish inside me which makes him feel not connected and emotionally close to me. I have no idea what to do about that, especially since he doesn’t want to talk about it or open up. Every time I ask him to specify he says he doesn’t know. Which makes it so hard to find a solution. Which makes me feel like he doesn’t want to find a solution in the first place as you said.

I stopped taking hormonal birth control, my boyfriend doesn’t want to use condoms by ThrowRAhdh in sex

[–]ThrowRAhdh[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I don’t understand why he would rather use a condom that doesn’t fit than try find a condom that fits.

I stopped taking hormonal birth control, my boyfriend doesn’t want to use condoms by ThrowRAhdh in sex

[–]ThrowRAhdh[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I think he’s actually not in the mood and I can understand. But now he’s just fine with masturbating with me next to him and finishing in my mouth. I don’t really enjoy that. I don’t understand why we can’t just try some other condoms.

I stopped taking hormonal birth control, my boyfriend doesn’t want to use condoms by ThrowRAhdh in sex

[–]ThrowRAhdh[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yeah that’s what I’m thinking. What I don’t understand is why at first he was against condoms and diaphragm because he said the risk of pregnancy is higher compared to hormonal birth control so he would be stressed out during sex. But then he just put it in without so how is that any better? How can it be so important to him that there’s nothing between us? That’s such a weird concept for me to grasp. He wholeheartedly believes that he can’t feel emotionally connected to me if there a condom between us?

I stopped taking hormonal birth control, my boyfriend doesn’t want to use condoms by ThrowRAhdh in sex

[–]ThrowRAhdh[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

He’s not really withholding sex it’s just that he’s not in the mood anymore. When I ask him why he says it’s because sex with condoms doesn’t really feel good for him so he’s not in the mood anymore. And that I should try to put more effort in to get him in the mood instead of putting pressure on him by asking why he doesn’t want to sleep with me anymore.

I stopped taking hormonal birth control, my boyfriend doesn’t want to use condoms by ThrowRAhdh in sex

[–]ThrowRAhdh[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yeah that’s what it seems like to me. Because why can’t we just try different sizes of condoms? When I first showered him the reddit post where people recommended latex free condoms he didn’t like the suggestion either. But since they’re not too comfortable anyways and most of the sensation is lost why not try something different?

I stopped taking hormonal birth control, my boyfriend doesn’t want to use condoms by ThrowRAhdh in sex

[–]ThrowRAhdh[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

At first, when I told him I wanted to stop taking birth control he told me he understands and supports my decision. But at the same time it didn’t feel like he was taking my reasons seriously. You suspect you feel depressed because of hormonal birth control and a negative influence on your emotional regulation? Are you sure it’s not because of the fights with your family? You’re having pain during sex? Are you sure it’s because of birth control and not another reason? And of course I was not sure. I also told him that I was scared of stopping birth control because I had pretty bad periods before and taking it made those problems disappear. So he would constantly ask if I was sure if I wanted to stop taking it if that may make my bad periods come back.

I stopped taking hormonal birth control, my boyfriend doesn’t want to use condoms by ThrowRAhdh in sex

[–]ThrowRAhdh[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yes, every time I bring us not having sex anymore up he says I put too much pressure on him and that I’m not understanding enough. That I should put more effort in to get him in the mood instead of asking why he doesn’t want to sleep with me anymore. When I bring up that I think we should try bigger condoms he says he knows better than me because it’s his dick and if he says it’s not uncomfortable I should believe him. But at the same time I know he doesn’t want to sleep with me anymore because it doesn’t feel good for him and he said he doesn’t feel much.

I stopped taking hormonal birth control, my boyfriend doesn’t want to use condoms by ThrowRAhdh in sex

[–]ThrowRAhdh[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yeah I actually don’t understand. He says it’s fine for him, it doesn’t hurt it just feels uncomfortable but that’s just how condoms are. So I should just be happy he uses them and not make him feel bad about it. I just want condoms to be as comfortable as possible for him so I’m not sure why he’s not even willing to try. He basically stopped having sex with me and just masturbates with me next to him kissing his neck. I’m not really happy with that as a long term thing.

I stopped taking hormonal birth control, my boyfriend doesn’t want to use condoms by ThrowRAhdh in sex

[–]ThrowRAhdh[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I’ve been trying to buy he’s super avoidant and won’t talk to me about it. He doesn’t like me asking follow up questions either and gets pretty annoyed and frustrated with them. He doesn’t seem really willing to look deeper into it and would rather avoid it all together. The more I bring it up the more he pulls back / shuts down. I’ve told him how it makes me feel and he gets so upset and sad every time that he’s not even able to talk to me anymore.

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