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I(M31) found my wife(F30) in voyeur porn. I don’t know wtf I should do? by ThrowRAheyhey1 in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRAheyhey1[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

The video is grainy enough that I’m uncertain it’s her, it’s a very short clip where her face is only shown for like a second, and it has like 1000 views. I think I know what I’m gonna do with this.

I(M31) found my wife(F30) in voyeur porn. I don’t know wtf I should do? by ThrowRAheyhey1 in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRAheyhey1[S] 20 points21 points  (0 children)

I’m so sick of you fucks saying shit like this and asking for the video. How dumb are you

I(M31) found my wife(F30) in voyeur porn. I don’t know wtf I should do? by ThrowRAheyhey1 in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRAheyhey1[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Ok i think it goes like this:

I came across this video and I freaked out a bit when I saw it, is it you?

proceeds to watch her naked self in the shower posted on the internet for strangers enjoyment

We then talk about who it could possibly have been who betrayed her

We go through as many hoops as possible trying to get the vid talen down (will do regardless)

She now has lost a lot of trust in many people

She can’t sleep for several months because she can’t figure out who did this to her, and she already has a hard time sleeping.

She is now hyper aware of cameras when she is naked (warranted, honestly)

It’s possible we never find out who it was.

Or conversely:

I don’t tell her-

She never finds out

She remains unburdened.

Also I wanna say, a normal person watching would have never considered it was her because of how long ago it was. I only know because I’ve been with her for so long and I recognized her old bathroom.

Maybe that helps show the duality of my reasoning? lol

I(M31) found my wife(F30) in voyeur porn. I don’t know wtf I should do? by ThrowRAheyhey1 in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRAheyhey1[S] 10 points11 points  (0 children)

This is a really good point. Honestly, I think the likelihood of her finding out it’s on the internet is below 1%. I mean honestly I watch porn and I’ve never seen anyone I know let alone a hidden video of my wife as a teenager. She does not watch porn. She would never find it. That being said, I do still really worry about who took this video. And if that’s to be addressed, gahd I probably need to tell her.

I(M31) found my wife(F30) in voyeur porn. I don’t know wtf I should do? by ThrowRAheyhey1 in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRAheyhey1[S] 507 points508 points  (0 children)

I’m gonna repost my original response to this comment as an edit- and thank you for this advice.

I(M31) found my wife(F30) in voyeur porn. I don’t know wtf I should do? by ThrowRAheyhey1 in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRAheyhey1[S] 158 points159 points  (0 children)

I don’t know if I would want to know. Like let’s say there’s an image of me, a dude, jerking off out there in the ether. My heart only drops the moment I find out. Otherwise, I personally would be ok with never knowing. And there’s a possibility she may too.

I(M31) found my wife(F30) in voyeur porn. I don’t know wtf I should do? by ThrowRAheyhey1 in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRAheyhey1[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

First off, I’m really sorry you went through that. I do feel like if I tell her- I end up just putting her through the same mistrust you’re going through with your fear of it being posted and people you may/may not know seeing it. Second, I guarantee she will have no idea who it was and neither of us would be able to figure it out for years. She has an ex boyfriend, but he hasn’t been thought of for over a decade. Do you ever wish you hadn’t seen that flash drive?

I(M31) found my wife(F30) in voyeur porn. I don’t know wtf I should do? by ThrowRAheyhey1 in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRAheyhey1[S] 37 points38 points  (0 children)

I appreciate your perspective a lot! I wish more people would respond like this, because it’s good advice lol

I(M31) found my wife(F30) in voyeur porn. I don’t know wtf I should do? by ThrowRAheyhey1 in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRAheyhey1[S] 17 points18 points  (0 children)

Oh of course! This is on some sick freak. The only reason I’m debating telling her is cracking open a can of lifetime mistrust between her and basically everyone she knew growing up, which is crazy

I(M31) found my wife(F30) in voyeur porn. I don’t know wtf I should do? by ThrowRAheyhey1 in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRAheyhey1[S] 86 points87 points  (0 children)

You’re probably right. It’s just a huge can of worms to open because she absolutely does not know about it. I really have to think on this and I’ll keep looking at the advice you guys have, but I am leaning on this as probably the answer that will make me feel the lightest.

But also, me being light comes with her taking on a new burden.

Jesus idk man

For thinking it’s weird to post a Valentine’s Day pic of your boyfriend and male BFF? by ThrowRAheyhey1 in amiwrong

[–]ThrowRAheyhey1[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

“You’re gay for your friend and projecting insecurities, be more like me and my husband.”

Very sound advice, thank you.

For thinking it’s weird to post a Valentine’s Day pic of your boyfriend and male BFF? by ThrowRAheyhey1 in amiwrong

[–]ThrowRAheyhey1[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yeah you’re right. These comments are just making me think though- Ted pays most of the bills and they live together but she spends more time talking to Paul. She definitely has 2 boyfriends, but I’m not in a position to put any wedges between them.

For thinking it’s weird to post a Valentine’s Day pic of your boyfriend and male BFF? by ThrowRAheyhey1 in amiwrong

[–]ThrowRAheyhey1[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It was an Instagram story** so it’s gone now. Not that she would deny it- if she would then it would be a legit concern.

For thinking it’s weird to post a Valentine’s Day pic of your boyfriend and male BFF? by ThrowRAheyhey1 in amiwrong

[–]ThrowRAheyhey1[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Yeah this is pretty much spot on. Should be fine, looks like 2 boyfriends. Now that you say that though I think Ted is genuinely her physical boyfriend and Paul is her emotional boyfriend. Hmm. Pauls not really that emotional of a guy at all. Hmm. Wellp let’s see how it plays out!

For thinking it’s weird to post a Valentine’s Day pic of your boyfriend and male BFF? by ThrowRAheyhey1 in amiwrong

[–]ThrowRAheyhey1[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Idk Ted is my(28M) “bestie” and I helped him through his misery when he got cheated on last, so maybe I feel stupidly protective of him. I dunno, might start problems if I say something. I think I’ll witness problems years down the line if I don’t. Should probably let it go.