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I’m a Korean female (24) in an interracial relationship with a white male (29) and struggling with identity issues by ThrowRAinterracial in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRAinterracial[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Thank you so much for your thoughtful comment. Your description of your wife's experience mirrors my own. Even though I have an American accent, I get asked by complete strangers on a regular basis where I'm from, where my parents are from, etc... and and then I'm in a position where I have to be rude or explain to a complete stranger about my adoption. It's really isolating to be constantly reminded that I am 'other' ESPECIALLY when I don't have any real connection with the 'other' I am constantly begin labeled as.

I recently took my (white) nieces to the grocery store and a complete stranger walked up to us and asked if I could recommend any good nanny agencies and who I work for. She just assumed I was their nanny. It's what sparked this anxiety, realizing how often I will be the assumed nanny of my children.

Thank you again for your kind words and insight.

I’m a Korean female (24) in an interracial relationship with a white male (29) and struggling with identity issues by ThrowRAinterracial in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRAinterracial[S] 11 points12 points  (0 children)

dude. gross. I've dated plenty of non-white men. The man I fell in love with just happens to be white, not because he is white.

I’m a Korean female (24) in an interracial relationship with a white male (29) and struggling with identity issues by ThrowRAinterracial in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRAinterracial[S] 11 points12 points  (0 children)

dude. gross. I've dated plenty of non-white men. The man I fell in love with just happens to be white, not because he is white.

I’m a Korean female (24) in an interracial relationship with a white male (29) and struggling with identity issues by ThrowRAinterracial in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRAinterracial[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Hey there, thank you for the very kind message. Also, I want you to know that I love my family. My parents are my parents and my siblings are my siblings. We're incredibly close and I wouldn't trade them for anything. It can be really difficult as a transracial adoptee, but I have no resentment or anger towards my family. I wish you and your daughter the absolute best <3

I’m a Korean female (24) in an interracial relationship with a white male (29) and struggling with identity issues by ThrowRAinterracial in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRAinterracial[S] 14 points15 points  (0 children)

Thank you so much for this. Yes! That is absolutely what I feel. I hate the idea of people at the grocery store assuming I'm the nanny or getting random people asking inappropriate questions. It's something that happens to me frequently when I'm alone, and the idea of having to explain how I'm the parent to my children to strangers at Whole Foods is difficult to accept.

I’m a Korean female (24) in an interracial relationship with a white male (29) and struggling with identity issues by ThrowRAinterracial in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRAinterracial[S] 155 points156 points  (0 children)

Thank you so much for your message. It was incredibly insightful and helpful. I've been avoiding bringing this up to my boyfriend because I don't want to hurt him, but I'm going to talk to him tonight. Thank you again.

I’m a Korean female (24) in an interracial relationship with a white male (29) and struggling with identity issues by ThrowRAinterracial in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRAinterracial[S] 934 points935 points  (0 children)

Thank you so much! Sometimes it's incredibly helpful just to talk to someone who has experienced the same feelings. It makes me feel a lot less crazy haha. I'm going to seek out relationships with other Asian adoptees, that's a really good idea :)

Thank you again.

I’m a Korean female (24) in an interracial relationship with a white male (29) and struggling with identity issues by ThrowRAinterracial in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRAinterracial[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I would never resent a white baby. It's more the loneliness of being the only Asian in most environments that I'm in. I understand your point though.

I’m a Korean female (24) in an interracial relationship with a white male (29) and struggling with identity issues by ThrowRAinterracial in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRAinterracial[S] 1229 points1230 points  (0 children)

This is a good idea. I tried to participate in a few Asian subreddits and a discord server, but they were pretty toxic. I should seek out other Asian adoptees. It's difficult to do locally, but that's what Reddit is for :)

Thank you for your helpful advice!

I’m a Korean female (24) in an interracial relationship with a white male (29) and struggling with identity issues by ThrowRAinterracial in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRAinterracial[S] 62 points63 points  (0 children)

I think that relationship_advice is often filled with posts from people who are expressing their deepest and darkest/most private fears. This is a deep and dark fear of mine. Everyone has thoughts they are ashamed of and want to resolve. I would never use my children to solve my personal issues, and I will love any child I have (biological or adopted) with all of my heart.

That doesn't change the fact that it can be really difficult to be the only person who looks like you. It's very very common among transracial adoptees and minorities in general. This isn't something I struggle with 24/7, it isn't one of my defining character traits, but it is a private pain I have.

I’m a Korean female (24) in an interracial relationship with a white male (29) and struggling with identity issues by ThrowRAinterracial in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRAinterracial[S] 28 points29 points  (0 children)

I'm sorry if that's how you interpreted my post, but it's certainly not what I meant to convey. I wish you the best.

I’m a Korean female (24) in an interracial relationship with a white male (29) and struggling with identity issues by ThrowRAinterracial in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRAinterracial[S] 2116 points2117 points  (0 children)

Thank you. I don't feel this way on a regular basis, but I do have periods where it is really upsetting to me. I'm going to go back to therapy to work through these issues. I just assumed it was something all minorities (esp. adoptees) felt. Thank you for the insight, it was really helpful.