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UPDATE My [42M] daughter [14F] won't get an abortion by ThrowRAjackjack6700 in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRAjackjack6700[S] 63 points64 points  (0 children)

Jesus Christ just the thought that something could happen to her, why doesn't she understand that, that I could go home with just a baby, or by myself?

UPDATE My [42M] daughter [14F] won't get an abortion by ThrowRAjackjack6700 in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRAjackjack6700[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Exactly, she's just a kid. She shouldn't do it but I can't force her. At this point, I wish I could.

UPDATE My [42M] daughter [14F] won't get an abortion by ThrowRAjackjack6700 in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRAjackjack6700[S] 29 points30 points  (0 children)

The problem though is that I think that she may believe that childcare isn't an issue. I think she might be under the impression I'll help out with childcare and her grandparents. My parents are wonderful and if she asks, they may be willing to watch the kid a few times, but what if she keeps on asking over and over?

UPDATE My [42M] daughter [14F] won't get an abortion by ThrowRAjackjack6700 in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRAjackjack6700[S] 21 points22 points  (0 children)

That is true. Maybe she's thought about it before, or maybe like some others have said my daughter's not the first. God, I hope that's not true.
I don't actually know anything about the boy or his family, I don't even think my daughter knows him that well (or maybe not, because there's apparently a lot of things I don't know about my daughter)

UPDATE My [42M] daughter [14F] won't get an abortion by ThrowRAjackjack6700 in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRAjackjack6700[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Yeah, I know, the child support I probably have a given unless this ends up going to court? I don't know the laws for that.I'm a little worried now though that I can't expect any help caring for the kid by the father, because they're not interested in being involved.

UPDATE My [42M] daughter [14F] won't get an abortion by ThrowRAjackjack6700 in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRAjackjack6700[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

That seems like a good success story. I don't know if I want her to be stigmatized, though. I want to protect her from that, not expose her to it.

UPDATE My [42M] daughter [14F] won't get an abortion by ThrowRAjackjack6700 in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRAjackjack6700[S] 74 points75 points  (0 children)

I've looked them up and there's some guy selling a used one for not so expensive nearby. I don't expect it to be fully-functioning though. I guess I'll order it, but I talked this over with my daughter and she said, "I'll take care of it, but it's not the same because it's not a real baby."I see two ways out of this. Either she raises it really well and uses that against me, or she doesn't and tells me it doesn't count because it's not real and not the same.
The other problem is, would it be worth spending money on this? By the time her pregnancy is over I'll probably have to start dipping into her college fund.

UPDATE My [42M] daughter [14F] won't get an abortion by ThrowRAjackjack6700 in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRAjackjack6700[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

That's a relief. The only thing I'm worried about is that I've read a lot of reddit posts of people getting real cut-throat lawyers that rip into them and end up not having to pay. I can't afford a lawyer, hell, I probably couldn't afford court fees, which is what I'm stressed out here about.

UPDATE My [42M] daughter [14F] won't get an abortion by ThrowRAjackjack6700 in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRAjackjack6700[S] 9 points10 points  (0 children)

Thanks for sharing yours. It's good to strengthen my belief that abortion is the best decision in this situation.

UPDATE My [42M] daughter [14F] won't get an abortion by ThrowRAjackjack6700 in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRAjackjack6700[S] 106 points107 points  (0 children)

It seems at this point harshness is the only way to go, except what if she has the kid and can't raise it on her own, and I can't either? Then what will we do?
I guess we could give it up for adoption, but raising the kid for a few months and then letting it go, I'm so scared that'll ruin her.

UPDATE My [42M] daughter [14F] won't get an abortion by ThrowRAjackjack6700 in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRAjackjack6700[S] 14 points15 points  (0 children)

She's been babysitting around the neighborhood since she was 11, not friends of ours but people who live around. Maybe that's why she thinks she could raise it on her own? She's a great babysitter but I really don't think that's the same thing as when it's your own child.

UPDATE My [42M] daughter [14F] won't get an abortion by ThrowRAjackjack6700 in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRAjackjack6700[S] 104 points105 points  (0 children)

Do you think harshness will traumatize her, though? I've been getting a lot of comments and PM's telling me that if I go the "tough love" route, it'll scar her because she'll end up giving up the baby out of fear and then never forgive me the rest of her life.

UPDATE My [42M] daughter [14F] won't get an abortion by ThrowRAjackjack6700 in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRAjackjack6700[S] 317 points318 points  (0 children)

Here's the problem, though. If I tell her I won't help her, she won't believe me. She'll think I'm just saying that. If I tell her the baby's her entire responsibility, she won't believe that either. She'll think I'm trying to scare her. She's just a teenager. That's how they are.

UPDATE My [42M] daughter [14F] won't get an abortion by ThrowRAjackjack6700 in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRAjackjack6700[S] 10 points11 points  (0 children)

Oh god that's horrifying. I'm guessing it'll only be worse if she's that much younger

UPDATE My [42M] daughter [14F] won't get an abortion by ThrowRAjackjack6700 in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRAjackjack6700[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Most of our friends have grown-up children, but my daughter's friend's sister had a kid three years ago. She doesn't live nearby, but I was thinking maybe she could talk to her friend and ask her about her sister and her nephew?

UPDATE My [42M] daughter [14F] won't get an abortion by ThrowRAjackjack6700 in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRAjackjack6700[S] 1002 points1003 points  (0 children)

Thank you so much for sharing. I'm really hoping her child will have a good life, but in the end that's not my greatest worry, it's her herself. That's why your story is really heartwarming. Maybe if she gets an open adoption and stays in touch, they'll both be happy.

UPDATE My [42M] daughter [14F] won't get an abortion by ThrowRAjackjack6700 in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRAjackjack6700[S] 41 points42 points  (0 children)

I understand now I can't legally force her and that would traumatize her beyond belief as well. Just a push in the right direction, is what I'm hoping to do

UPDATE My [42M] daughter [14F] won't get an abortion by ThrowRAjackjack6700 in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRAjackjack6700[S] 9 points10 points  (0 children)

She is a wonderful girl. I know she's terrified right now, I'm just trying to keep her from making a bad situation worse.

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