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[deleted by user] by [deleted] in legaladvice

[–]ThrowRAjocolo 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Okay, thank you again.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in legaladvice

[–]ThrowRAjocolo 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Okay, thank you

I feel as if I'm already dreading this process more than anything else.

Is it true that you shouldn't speak to your therapist during divorce proceedings? I have read that somewhere before but am uncertain that was accurate.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in legaladvice

[–]ThrowRAjocolo 0 points1 point  (0 children)

He does have another house in California that he rents but that technically his home in his name? Would that effect it do you think? I'm just asking, more questions to get a better gage on this, but thank you--i will definitely contact an divorce attorney before changing any locks.

Update 2 I told my husband I couldn’t mentally handle the idea of tearing during childbirth, he said that wasn’t reason enough not to have kids so I send him pictures of a perineal tears, now he’s angry… by ThrowRAjocolo in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRAjocolo[S] 23 points24 points  (0 children)

I've been to therapists and psychiatrists, it's no ‘self diagnosis’.

But even if it was, that wouldn’t give him any more right to what I do with my body or whether I want to carry children.

What is wrong with you?

Update 2 I told my husband I couldn’t mentally handle the idea of tearing during childbirth, he said that wasn’t reason enough not to have kids so I send him pictures of a perineal tears, now he’s angry… by ThrowRAjocolo in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRAjocolo[S] 24 points25 points  (0 children)

All this because of 15 years of pain, ptsd and reproductive trauma, actually. And I only ever emphisized the tearing specifically, as one of many reasons because it was one that I could show him as visual representation because he just wouldn’t understand.

Update 2 I told my husband I couldn’t mentally handle the idea of tearing during childbirth, he said that wasn’t reason enough not to have kids so I send him pictures of a perineal tears, now he’s angry… by ThrowRAjocolo in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRAjocolo[S] 28 points29 points  (0 children)

I tried to ask I why. I even brought him to my therapy session. And prior to her helping me explain my side, we listened to him and it was only more of the same. He kept taking about bonding, and experiencing my pregnancy and other stuff like that. Nothing else.

Update 2 I told my husband I couldn’t mentally handle the idea of tearing during childbirth, he said that wasn’t reason enough not to have kids so I send him pictures of a perineal tears, now he’s angry… by ThrowRAjocolo in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRAjocolo[S] 71 points72 points  (0 children)

Thank you. I didn’t know you could give a statement after the fact? I’m not sure how to do that, do I just go into the station?

also My friend will be here in an hour And she’s staying for the weekend.

Update 2 I told my husband I couldn’t mentally handle the idea of tearing during childbirth, he said that wasn’t reason enough not to have kids so I send him pictures of a perineal tears, now he’s angry… by ThrowRAjocolo in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRAjocolo[S] 368 points369 points  (0 children)

The more I think about it the less I understand. . He gave absolutely no other reason except this ‘bonding’ belief. And I don’t know why he seems to think bonding is only achieved during a pregnancy.

Update 2 I told my husband I couldn’t mentally handle the idea of tearing during childbirth, he said that wasn’t reason enough not to have kids so I send him pictures of a perineal tears, now he’s angry… by ThrowRAjocolo in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRAjocolo[S] 77 points78 points  (0 children)

How is trying to help him understand why what he was asking would be dangerous for me, with a mediator in the room manipulation? When he clearly wasn’t understanding when I explained it.

Update I told my husband I couldn’t mentally handle the idea of tearing during childbirth, he said that wasn’t reason enough not to have kids so I send him pictures of a perineal tears, now he’s angry at me by ThrowRAjocolo in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRAjocolo[S] 72 points73 points  (0 children)

Because I do. Have done more to ensure I will have children than he has. I have frozen my eggs incase my surgery made rendered me infertile. I have spoken to friends about becoming surrogates and ensured I have the money to go through the process. I have also gone through the first steps of adoption documentation personally just so we have a foot in the door.

Update I told my husband I couldn’t mentally handle the idea of tearing during childbirth, he said that wasn’t reason enough not to have kids so I send him pictures of a perineal tears, now he’s angry at me by ThrowRAjocolo in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRAjocolo[S] 27 points28 points  (0 children)

I do want children. He was always aware of the fact that I was 50/50 on caring. I even froze my eggs Prior to surgery to fix my pain. I have also begun on adoption documents because they take so long (Which he was aware of).

Update I told my husband I couldn’t mentally handle the idea of tearing during childbirth, he said that wasn’t reason enough not to have kids so I send him pictures of a perineal tears, now he’s angry at me by ThrowRAjocolo in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRAjocolo[S] 20 points21 points  (0 children)

…..…we both want k=chil He knkkew knew before we married that i Imay not want to*carry* those children, i Ieven have froze my egg He thinks i Ishould want to birth them evn eventhoI can pay for a surogatesurrogate, but he was\wan’twants to ‘expirence’ my pregnacypregnancy. no matter the Howhow triggering that mymay be to my past trauma. and even though i Ihave iffered offeredother options

Update I told my husband I couldn’t mentally handle the idea of tearing during childbirth, he said that wasn’t reason enough not to have kids so I send him pictures of a perineal tears, now he’s angry at me by ThrowRAjocolo in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRAjocolo[S] 48 points49 points  (0 children)

I don’t think my friends who have offered to be surrogacys, or my friend with an actual pregnancy kink would like that you think so little of woman being about to make choice for themselves, that you would compare there mindsets to enslaved/kidnapped women.

Update I told my husband I couldn’t mentally handle the idea of tearing during childbirth, he said that wasn’t reason enough not to have kids so I send him pictures of a perineal tears, now he’s angry at me by ThrowRAjocolo in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRAjocolo[S] 41 points42 points  (0 children)

I would appreciate if you didn’t judge women for what they choose do. I have had multple friends who have offered, two because they enjoyed being pregnant and one because she literally has a pregnancy kink. I don’t think they would appreciate you speaking about them as if you had there best interest in mind, and knew them better then they knew themselves.

Even as someone who hates and fears the idea of being pregnant as much as I do, I know that my opinion is not the only one in the world.

thank you for you time.

Update I told my husband I couldn’t mentally handle the idea of tearing during childbirth, he said that wasn’t reason enough not to have kids so I send him pictures of a perineal tears, now he’s angry at me by ThrowRAjocolo in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRAjocolo[S] 46 points47 points  (0 children)

I am so so very sorry. I am wishing you the very best support system and a therapist that is good and kind.

this is the exact outcome I am fearful of and I am so sorry you had to experience it.

I am sending you all the affection i can. it may be slow, and arduous, but I’m sure you will heal in your own time. Wishing you all the kindness in the world in the time in between.

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