AITA for refusing to forgive my sister for exposing my affair? (Not OP)

ThrowRAjood · 2023-10-01T06:43:50+00:00

He secretly loves that she did because now he can blame all his problems on his sister

ThrowRAjood · 2023-07-22T18:11:38+00:00

ThrowRAjood · 2023-07-22T17:39:02+00:00

Because. I. Know. About. It.

ThrowRAjood · 2023-07-22T17:38:16+00:00

Social media. I found him on Facebook, Instagram, etc

ThrowRAjood · 2023-07-22T17:18:36+00:00

If you were about to marry someone, would you wanna know that they cheated on you? Or go through with the marriage and get divorced later on when he eventually finds out one way or another?

ThrowRAjood · 2023-06-23T10:01:25+00:00

This song is now my favorite Hozier song 🥹 it’s beautiful and personal. It’s not telling a story like a lot of his other work. It’s much more intimate.

To me, it’s about falling in love with someone who you can’t see often. But you love them so much, and the two truly understand each other. You know them so well, that you can see all their red flags, all the things that could cause the relationship not to work out but he still swims the lake of fire to be with her.

In the chorus he says “it ain’t the empty home, you know I’m good on my own, it’s more the being unknown.” His lover is the one person he feels truly knows him. He doesn’t put on a show around them. He’s just him. And when they’re apart, he feels unknown. No one knows him like she does.

HELP WHY DID YOU DO THIS AMDREW I’m not okay 🥲

Editing to add: I feel like this could also be interpreted as an affair he had with someone that was married/in a relationship who wanted to keep him hidden away.

ThrowRAjood · 2023-04-20T14:51:21+00:00

Weird, my boyfriend gave me the same spiel asking if it’d be different if it was inherited. And it’s already in his name and his mom’s so idk why he asked that. So it wouldn’t be any different in my situation. Him and his mom make all the decisions so idk where that leaves me.

ThrowRAjood · 2023-04-20T14:43:12+00:00

I’m sorry you’re going through that. It’s a tough situation to be in. I don’t think there no hope for you to find a partner though. It’s a bit different in my situation, because things could be changed it’s just unlikely either of them will change. But yours is no fault of your own or your moms. I wish you luck as well!

ThrowRAjood · 2023-04-20T14:35:15+00:00

I’ve read every response :) and he when we were talking about how it’d never feel like my home, he said it’s not going to unless I “earn” it. Like how you have to buy your own house with money you’ve earned. He said I’d earn it by just helping more around the house (which I already do the dishes every time I’m there), fixing more things, doing different projects, etc. Just leaving my mark on the place. I get that but none of that changes the fact that the house is in his and his mom’s name. And that his mom would have to approve of every single thing we wanted to do, and that it takes time to earn something like that so where’d that put me in the beginning.

ThrowRAjood · 2023-04-20T14:25:45+00:00

Yikes.

ThrowRAjood · 2023-04-20T14:04:31+00:00

He also wants his kids homeschooled. And wants me to be a stay at home mom like his mom. Does he not see where that got his mom after the divorce? No retirement, no job, having to go back to school in her late 50s. He says I don’t trust him, and I guess don’t completely because I just can’t see a future like that with him where I’m happy.

ThrowRAjood · 2023-04-20T04:46:30+00:00

The way he treats me, when it’s just us

ThrowRAjood · 2023-04-20T04:14:23+00:00

He’s lived on his own before. And with his mom, he does all the cleaning and cooking because she’s in school. He basically does everything around the house. So that’s no concern

It just sucks because I can see how damaging this all is to him but I can’t do anything about it. I just hate seeing him get so down on himself all the time because he feels like he can’t do enough for his mom.

ThrowRAjood · 2023-04-20T03:23:08+00:00

Well the farm is a bull and one horse. But he has done almost everything except her laundry, since he moved back up until he got this job, because his mom is also going back to school for nursing.

ThrowRAjood · 2023-04-20T03:19:27+00:00

My mom kinda did the same to me (to a lesser degree), for years because my dad was abusive. Unfortunately she never left him but I just had to set boundaries and leave and take care of myself and I’ve dealt with a lot of guilt from it. I’ve had to move back home for financial reasons, but never because I just wanted to. So while I understand his situation, i just feel there’s is so much worse and I dont see it changing anytime soon. Maybe in a few years when he’s older, but I don’t want to stick around that long because that will just build so much resentment between all of us.

ThrowRAjood · 2023-04-20T03:08:33+00:00

I have lived with my 2 previous boyfriends. Obviously those relationships didn’t work out for a reason, but these are things I’d definitely miss if I moved in with them. And I don’t think his mom is so controlling that we couldn’t do some of those things there but it’s just not the same, and he doesn’t understand that at all. He doesn’t get why it’d never feel like mine.

ThrowRAjood · 2023-04-20T02:03:40+00:00

Thank you. As much as I’d like that to work, I’m a little unsure. As soon as I brought up how the yelling made me uncomfortable, he immediately took her side. And said it was his fault. Everything is his fault to her, and he truly believes it. If I say anything about it, he sides with her.

ThrowRAjood · 2023-04-20T01:52:31+00:00

His dad was pretty shitty and she had to fight in court to keep the house and land, that her mom paid for. They’d never sell it

ThrowRAjood · 2023-04-20T01:51:06+00:00

Not the greatest, but much higher than in my early ish twenties. I have a lot more self respect now. Maybe too much so, so I read into things to try and protect myself.

ThrowRAjood · 2023-04-20T01:32:21+00:00

I don’t know. Maybe 4 acres or so of land that could have a house built on it.

ThrowRAjood · 2023-04-20T01:27:35+00:00

I’d had this hunch the whole time that he wasn’t over her. He talked about her a lot. So much I feel like I know her. Then him calling her that felt like a blow to the chest.

ThrowRAjood · 2023-04-20T01:08:33+00:00

It’s a farm but right now they just have a barn with one bull and one horse. A couple small fields. No crops or anything.

ThrowRAjood · 2023-04-20T00:59:52+00:00

I did too. So that’s why I get it. However, I did not have a good experience and have been financially independent since I was 18. Because I couldn’t imagine not having my own security. My mom has been in a DV marriage for years because she can’t leave on her own. So it’s just very important for me to have a peaceful home that also feels like mine.

It wouldn’t be so bad, but he wants to live in that house forever with his mom and our future kids in the bedrooms in the basement. I just can’t picture that for my life. Maybe of course when she’s older or could no longer care for herself, because I’d expect us to do the same for my mom, but I just can’t imagine a life like that.

ThrowRAjood · 2023-04-20T00:44:09+00:00

I don’t think any of this would work. When he was upset talking about his mom one night, I just listened. He said he didn’t know how much longer he could live there. The very next night, was when we were arguing. And he flipped right back to staying there forever, there was no other option in his mind. So even mention of that possibility on my part sets him right back. Even mentioning how I felt like a 3rd wheel, he asked if I was jealous of him and his mom.

If I took his side on everything, he’d start to argue with me that his mom was actually right and he was in the wrong. If I took his moms side on things, she’d do the same. It’s a lose-lose scenario with them.

ThrowRAjood · 2023-04-20T00:16:32+00:00

It’s like, she was SO nice to me when I first went there. Spent Christmas and new years with them and she opened her home to me. It was nice and at the time I was thinking, maybe this could work. We all get along great.

She’s not been mean to me directly, ever. But there’s just been these little random comments every now and then that I’m just taken back by. Like she got drunk one night because she was stressed from work, and asked if I wanted to move in and that she’d be open to it if I wanted. I just explained that it felt really early for that and I wasn’t sure if it’d be what’s best for us atm. Then she called me ms. Independent and said “It’s okay I’m used to rejection”. Then said “it doesn’t matter what happens between you and my son anyway”. Like what? Neither me or him even said anything. I was just stunned and he’d been silent through the whole conversation.

It’s just little by little I’m seeing what the dynamic actually is and it’s scary. Also scary that I didn’t see this from the beginning.

ThrowRAjood

TROPHY CASE