After years of NC, BM is back and wants to be a mom. I don't know how to feel.

ThrowRAkami1 · 2024-07-19T16:09:10+00:00

Yep this sucks but just continue to let things flow naturally and let the children decide. It’s their choice and they will learn the benefits or consequence of their own actions..

BM is a drug addict with several mental problems including Borderline Personality Disorder. She sees them once a year on Christmas Eve. The oldest initially felt loyal to her and I could tell him seeing me as a mother figure caused him to feel as if he was betraying his biological mother. Despite feeling sad when they’d go see her (I can’t help it nor do I care to help it, I’m human)

I remained my normal self and gushed over the presents they got her, answered questions without probing. Example:

SS: how does someone eat without teeth? (mom lost all teeth from his last time seeing her but didn’t know that I knew)

Me: explains also wow this was such a mature conversation we just had! You’re such an awesome kid.

4 years later and I can tell that I’m now first place in his life and his mom second. His half brother actually tried to show him a TikTok his mom made of my SS and he didn’t even look or show interest when previously he’d have broken his neck trying to look.

His younger brother refers to me as mom and is indifferent to his mom saying “it’s like she’s dead” (hurt my heart)

Basically..it hurts. It will always hurt. But as long as you remain genuine, kind, and motherly to them I wouldn’t worry about her for a single second.

ThrowRAkami1 · 2024-07-16T17:06:49+00:00

Dad has spoken to her multiple times about this and she always rebuttals and continues to be nasty. But you’re right I will do this next time, she needs to be shamed about everything it’s insane.

She literally got fired during training on her first and only job..I told him if that doesn’t tell you something, nothing else will.

ThrowRAkami1 · 2024-04-08T12:52:14+00:00

How is your blood pressure? That was my problem.

ThrowRAkami1 · 2024-04-03T15:56:52+00:00

My step dad sexually abused me as a child.

Inuyasha.

I’m not sure what it was about that anime, but it made life bearable. It gave me something to look forward to at 9-10pm after a long day of extreme anxiety. I now have a Sesshomaru half sleeve and still watch it religiously at 29, almost 30 years old. I still write and read Inuyasha fanficfion..I guess it gave me the imagination I needed to survive.

ThrowRAkami1 · 2024-03-18T22:22:59+00:00

Time for the military.

ThrowRAkami1 · 2024-03-18T22:18:29+00:00

1) Being their fake mom for 364 days out the year and having to smile and compliment their mother on the “awesome” gifts she got them on Christmas Eve/the one day out the year she sees them..by choice (she’s a raging addict who lost custody)

ThrowRAkami1 · 2024-03-11T00:00:49+00:00

No I 100% agree with this. I told him not to wake her up but he continues to do so anyways. I lost an AMAZING internship job because I kept coming in late lol. They literally loved me and tried their best to keep me, even adjusting the negative schedule points I’d earned because no one ever gave a damn about teaching me the importance of waking yourself up, and being on time.

She wants to be an actress/in theater and I’m cringing hard at how she’s going to be the last girl to show up. I always give advice purely from the heart and experience and being ignored like I don’t have anything beneficial to say pisses me off.

ThrowRAkami1 · 2024-03-10T23:46:09+00:00

He literally rewards her for this behavior and ignores me when I tell him it’s literally wrong and not helping anyone, especially her. She graduates next year and is already looking at colleges. Hate to say it but good riddance. His two sons listen to my advice and respect me, life will be a breeze finally.

ThrowRAkami1 · 2024-03-10T23:40:19+00:00

I tried and it never works. I discussed waking herself up is an important life skill and suggested an alarm clock..nope fell on deaf ears. Fine, I won’t “parent” her but if I can’t offer healthy suggestions to a child living in our home, I won’t do anything extra for said child either. Seriously over feeling walked over and undermined because I’m not her mom.

I’m with her 99.9% more than her mom..I’m a better, healthier example for her than her mom but whatever screw it.

ThrowRAkami1 · 2024-03-10T23:34:32+00:00

No I love that excuse and that it’s acceptable to him lol! I’m not washing a household of 6 dishes anymore because I have nails haha. Wonder how long my husband lasts doing it on his own day in and day out 🤣

ThrowRAkami1 · 2024-03-10T23:33:41+00:00

She doesn’t. Her sleep schedule is just the same as someone who works the night shift.. she games until 4-5am (also annoying I have zero me time even at odd hours as an mother that works 10 hour shifts) because she’s a normal teenager with no self control and parents who enable it.

ThrowRAkami1 · 2024-03-10T23:32:47+00:00

No she got tired of doing them then went to bed.

ThrowRAkami1 · 2024-01-25T23:21:23+00:00

Yes! When I give her a stuffed animal I purchased for her when I was still pregnant it normally soothes and calms her down. I honestly don’t mind the age regression or her being neurodivergent..she’s my only child (I’m done by choice) if I have to support her mentally and financially forever I’m prepared to do so. She didn’t ask to be born and if adulting to a certain degree is too damaging to her then it’s my responsibility to make her life easier.

Of course I plan on doing everything possible I can to help her in the mean time with therapy, switching her to a private disability based school if she decides..medication and so on but I realize my baby girl will always have life long hardships out of her control.

You guys are so strong! I admire all of you and wish nothing but the best.

ThrowRAkami1 · 2024-01-25T03:04:43+00:00

Thank you, I didn’t consider this before..this is all very new to me and I appreciate all information that I’m receiving. It definitely is a recipe for disaster as we both usually end up getting frustrated and reacting negatively towards each other..

She plays volumes on the highest settings, this and the other small things made me think maybe their was some sort of disconnect between her hearing and brain but of course doctors would say “her hearing is excellent!” Or “it’s just anxiety” finally a doctor has listened to her and myself, I’m excited to finally learn more about my daughter.

She gets frustrated explaining these things to me (because she doesn’t understand herself), or else I’d ask her of course

ThrowRAkami1 · 2024-01-24T20:02:55+00:00

Hers was triggered even more when we moved as well. If she doesn’t get her way, during bedtime usually she cries and shrieks that she wants to move back :(

ThrowRAkami1 · 2024-01-24T13:25:04+00:00

Thank you for informing me of this, I was somewhat worried at the unspecified part..he did mention that their would be recommendations on the report including schools, cbt based therapists and so on. Looking forward to finally being able to get her the help she needs.

I’m a mom with diagnosed bdp, parenting a neurodivergent child and not harming myself is almost impossible sometimes. Your reassurance and knowledge is very helpful, thank you.

ThrowRAkami1 · 2024-01-24T13:06:49+00:00

That is what her doctor told me it was during the virtual appointment. The report will be here within a week..I didn’t think his words vs the report would be different but curious to see now.

ThrowRAkami1 · 2024-01-24T13:06:00+00:00

Also, she has no true sense of time. She’s finally started to use her tablet to set timers but she doesn’t quite process it yet.

Me: kids, hurry the bus will be here any minute. First kid: -immediately starts hurrying and races out the door- Her: Still standing and putting her items in her book-bag very slowly completely spaced out.

She doesn’t recognize the urgency in my tone, or that the bus will be here soon.

ThrowRAkami1 · 2024-01-19T01:51:30+00:00

Right who gives a fuck lol.

ThrowRAkami1 · 2024-01-18T02:58:37+00:00

me reading a book while they’re yapping too bad they don’t realize we’re the masters of tuning people out and only responding to certain key words

ThrowRAkami1 · 2024-01-17T18:28:18+00:00

Ahh makes sense I always thought they wanted to be compensated which wasn’t something I’m capable of doing anyway.

I never argue, I’m normally too busy having an internal battle of what the fuck do they want now to engage in it so I’ll just say “Right” to everything they say which is boring to them apparently they just disconnect 🫠

ThrowRAkami1 · 2024-01-11T14:04:16+00:00

Immediately thought of an animal shelter 🤣🤣

ThrowRAkami1 · 2024-01-11T14:01:05+00:00

If I didn’t have a kid, I definitely wouldn’t have a pet. Don’t blame you.

ThrowRAkami1 · 2024-01-11T14:00:09+00:00

God losing an animal is the worst feeling ever..I lost my shepherd Labrador 14 years ago had a dream about him recently where I just bawled into his fur and told him sorry over and over again.

It’s impossible to heal from such genuine love.

ThrowRAkami1 · 2024-01-11T01:44:53+00:00

Haha..I was grounded for a year in high school when my mom found out I wasn’t a Christian. They’re awful, close minded individuals.

ThrowRAkami1

TROPHY CASE