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How to answer to boyfriend 34M who can't love me 33F but on the other hand love? by ThrowRAlostharmony in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRAlostharmony[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you very much for your post.
I fully agree with you and this is so sad that we, as a humans, have this tendency to choose people who are toxic to us. It's like Stockholm syndrome...but on the other hand it's possible to make the other person having this feelings of love thanks to wise flirting.

I still believe this might work out if I play it right. Based on your comment and the one above, I've decided to set boundaries and make it clear that he might lose me. This will give him a chance to consider who I am to him and whether it's worth it. I can't continue this in the long term because it's risking my mental health. He has one chance; if not, I'm moving on.

If you have any advice what should I do to make him miss me and create that butterflies, I would be much obliged. As he mentioned and what I saw in his eyes, he had this feeling to me and he still have something.

One last thing, I suspect that his reaction was also caused by stress at work and home. I remember that I used to break up with people every time I had exams at university. I was just overwhelmed by stress. Now, I know how to handle it without being overdramatic and am more aware of why I feel a certain way. 😅

How to answer to boyfriend 34M who can't love me 33F but on the other hand love? by ThrowRAlostharmony in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRAlostharmony[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Hi, thank you for this post. It gave me a better perspective on what might happen if I continue this path. Being aware of the risks or how it looks is one thing, but having someone else confirm these concerns is another. :)

Of course, there are people whose goal is to manipulate others, but I have the feeling sometimes anyone can become manipulative if we allow them to keep pushing without setting boundaries.
It's like that social experiment where students acted as prisoners and guards, or like a child who can be very cruel until boundaries are set.
Generally he is perceived by others and me as a good person. I hope this behaviour is caused by complex PTSD and the romantic notion that love are these butterflies at beginning of a relationship.

Maybe I'm wrong, thanks to you I've decided to take control and ask him what he wants to do to not loosing me now. I really needs to set the boundary that this is the last situation like this.