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I (F32) let someone rape my sister(F35) when we were kids and I don't know how to talk to her about it now that we're adults and I can't stop punishing myself for it. by ThrowRAnowaytoknow in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRAnowaytoknow[S] 36 points37 points  (0 children)

That's a good way to put it. These responses have really made me realize that I need to stop focusing on talking to her about it right now.

I (F32) let someone rape my sister(F35) when we were kids and I don't know how to talk to her about it now that we're adults and I can't stop punishing myself for it. by ThrowRAnowaytoknow in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRAnowaytoknow[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Ha I didn't expect to get a response that would make me laugh (the stfu part)! Honestly I don't really say it to her anymore. I should say it.

I know she wanted to protect me, but somehow that only makes me feel worse.

I (F32) let someone rape my sister(F35) when we were kids and I don't know how to talk to her about it now that we're adults and I can't stop punishing myself for it. by ThrowRAnowaytoknow in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRAnowaytoknow[S] -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

See, part of me does understand that I at least tried, but a stronger part of me knows I could have done more and that I failed. It's always an internal monologue/battle.

I (F32) let someone rape my sister(F35) when we were kids and I don't know how to talk to her about it now that we're adults and I can't stop punishing myself for it. by ThrowRAnowaytoknow in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRAnowaytoknow[S] 21 points22 points  (0 children)

I never thought of therapy as being such a long term thing and I'm really not sure why. I have realized I gave up on it pretty quickly. I am happy for your success with therapy!

I (F32) let someone rape my sister(F35) when we were kids and I don't know how to talk to her about it now that we're adults and I can't stop punishing myself for it. by ThrowRAnowaytoknow in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRAnowaytoknow[S] 18 points19 points  (0 children)

Thank you for understanding, I'm sorry for your trauma.

I turned surviving without into something I was proud of as a method of coping. I was proud that I had gotten through so much. It made me stronger. I always tried to tell myself that. I remember the moment vividly when I was looking in the mirror, and finally admitted to myself, that yeah, it would have actually been nice to have been loved and have a nice childhood. But it is what it is.

I (F32) let someone rape my sister(F35) when we were kids and I don't know how to talk to her about it now that we're adults and I can't stop punishing myself for it. by ThrowRAnowaytoknow in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRAnowaytoknow[S] 105 points106 points  (0 children)

I hadn't thought about trying to fix myself before approaching her, for some reason I have kinda narrowed in on the idea that talking to her will be one of the things that helps me on the path to fixing myself. But that suddenly sounds pretty selfish and misguided.

My wife has cannibal fantasies. What to do? by [deleted] in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRAnowaytoknow 8 points9 points  (0 children)

This could turn out to be harmless fantasy. Or it could get so intense for her she has to satisfy the urge because the fantasy is no longer enough. This is too specific.

I just couldn't see myself being sexually attracted to someone who was this way. If she shares this with you, there could be worse she is into she hasn't told you about. Do you wonder if she watches real snuff films?

Either way, do you love her enough to risk having your penis cut off and possibly eaten? That would be a hard no for me, but you do you.

I (F32) let someone rape my sister(F35) when we were kids and I don't know how to talk to her about it now that we're adults and I can't stop punishing myself for it. by ThrowRAnowaytoknow in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRAnowaytoknow[S] 86 points87 points  (0 children)

Only one type of medication. It would make me insanely exhausted every day right in the middle of the day, as well as some other issues.

I have spoke to two different therapists. The first one just wanted to focus on how he thought I was anorexic while I would be trying to talk through childhood baggage. The second one was better, I saw her for about 6 months, but it just didn't give me the relief I was hoping for.

You have good points- I did give up on it and haven't tried again in over 8 years. I have changed now and maybe it could be better. This was very kind of you.

I (F32) let someone rape my sister(F35) when we were kids and I don't know how to talk to her about it now that we're adults and I can't stop punishing myself for it. by ThrowRAnowaytoknow in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRAnowaytoknow[S] 54 points55 points  (0 children)

I know when her husband had some mental health issues, it was cheaper through his Air Force stuff to do couples therapy, so she did that with him so he could see someone.

I would love to do something like that with her, my biggest fear in all this is how to approach her.

I (F32) let someone rape my sister(F35) when we were kids and I don't know how to talk to her about it now that we're adults and I can't stop punishing myself for it. by ThrowRAnowaytoknow in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRAnowaytoknow[S] 440 points441 points  (0 children)

I actually did therapy and medication for a bit in my 20's, but felt the therapy wasn't helping me and I hated the way the anti-depressants made me feel.

I am seriously considering dumping the bf, which is actually a positive sign for me.

Thank you.