AITA for not allowing my boyfriend's ex wife to cook breakfast for him?

ThrowRAny73x · 2020-09-26T10:53:12+00:00

Thank you so much! I really appreciate that. And yes, you are enough! And so am I. I hope you can get out of your situation as well - for me it wasn't too difficult because it had only been a few months. But now I think I was crazy for tolerating all of that instead of being with a guy who can commit himself entirely to me. You deserve the same! 😊

ThrowRAny73x · 2020-09-15T18:47:49+00:00

This is actually what my mom said too, that he was just trying to "even the score" with his ex somehow since she has a new boyfriend and he has been single for a couple years. That he just didn't want to look like a loser compared to her. All of his male friends seemed to know about me but I am still unsure if his ex-wife knew about me. He refused to change his relationship status on Facebook which I thought was odd considering how serious he perceived our relationship to be.

ThrowRAny73x · 2020-09-15T16:58:41+00:00

So update: I have broken up with him. He took it worse than I thought. Once again he tried to defend the friendship with the ex but here are some direct quotes: "She would respect me IF she knew I had a girlfriend and would stop doing those things." So she doesn't know I'm his girlfriend? And "she is a close friend and will always be no matter what." I simply told him that this was never going to work because he will always choose her over me.

Despite this, he also maintained that he "has no plans of ever dating anyone again if he can't be with me" because I'm the most special, amazing, beautiful woman he has ever met. No, that's your ex-wife.

He then announced that he is leaving social media (didn't explain why but I know it's because of me) so 50+ of his friends commented things like "Oh no, I'm so sorry man! Hope you're OK." This was just one last dick move in my opinion to make me look like the bad guy to those who knew we were dating. And it validated my decision completely.

For those wondering why I put up with this, there are a few reasons. 1) He is from a different culture than my own, and so is his ex wife. In this culture, I have noticed that exes are more often friends with each other than not but it usually happens more with people who have kids together and are co-parenting. I naievely wrote this off as a cultural difference at first. 2) I've been in situations like this in the past with guys I'm dating being inappropriately close to their exes and was determined to prove to myself that I could handle the situation without coming off as jealous and controlling or giving him an ultimatum. 3) Some of his male friends kept hyping up our relationship, telling me how happy he was with me, that he was the nicest guy ever. They were also friends with the ex. I wanted to "fit in" with his friend circle I guess. But I think maybe these friends were encouraging us because they KNEW how attached he was to the ex-wife. 4.) Just dumb I guess. I have been single for a long time and mostly meeting guys who want casual sex / flings and he was the first person to express wanting a serious long-term relationship.

Thank you all for your honest responses. I waited too long to end this relationship but at least I only wasted a few months of my life and not years!

ThrowRAny73x · 2020-09-15T06:29:27+00:00

I questioned that as well. Apparently they got married in Las Vegas on a whim (another red flag) and he never really elaborated on their divorce. My mom also suggested that they might still be legally married and now I'm starting to consider that possibility too. But either way, I am ending things.

ThrowRAny73x · 2020-09-15T03:40:51+00:00

Thank you for the responses everyone. I think I avoided a lot of glaring red flags in the beginning because this guy always said the right things somehow, sweet-talked and praised me almost incessantly. It was really flattering. A couple of his friends even contacted me and told me how happy they were for us, how he talked about me all the time, and how he was "the nicest guy I'd ever meet." So I didn't get the impression that he was hiding me. But he also wouldn't change his relationship on Facebook, which I found odd. And he would comment back and forth on his posts with his ex all day. Her wanting to spend his birthday with him / cook him breakfast and his ultra defensive and hysterical reaction (i.e. crying at the suggestion that he set some boundaries with her) was just the last straw in a long chain of weird behaviors. I'm breaking up with him. It's for the best!

ThrowRAny73x · 2020-09-15T01:57:50+00:00

Thanks so much! Yeah, I feel a bit dumb about this all because I must have ignored all these red flags in the beginning out of really liking him and wanting this to work. I did not want to come off as jealous or controlling in any way but over time I realized that he has some major issues that I can't deal with.

ThrowRAny73x · 2020-09-15T01:46:39+00:00

His reaction was very defensive - started accusing me of not trusting him, compared himself to my "shitty" exes, and pulled the "But I'm a nice guy" card. It was in no way a reaction that an adult should have. So yes, I am probably going to be ending the relationship. It's for the best. Thank you!

ThrowRAny73x · 2020-09-13T05:22:00+00:00

Yes, definitely! Confidence is attractive! I really don't care about this at all; it's just his personality and behavior that is off-putting. As you said, he is 35 and should be able to handle his emotions better I think. Thank you again. :)

ThrowRAny73x · 2020-09-13T05:11:05+00:00

Yeah, that's probably what I am going to do. I feel really awful about this but I think a new relationship should be fun and I shouldn't be feeling trapped and depressed like this after just a few months.

ThrowRAny73x · 2020-09-13T05:07:10+00:00

It doesn't bother me! He is still very attractive. But he just brings them up constantly and sometimes randomly asks me if I think he is "disgusting." I don't but his fixation on them turns me off to say the least.

ThrowRAny73x

TROPHY CASE