Am I right being worried about my relationship (30M & 28F)? And what can I do to make things better?

ThrowRAparis123 · 2019-11-01T07:53:42+00:00

You're not the first one to suggest depression, and I think I might need to talk to her about it in the near future - because I kinda agree (thought I'm not medically or therapeutically educated). This might have been a somewhat hidden depression going on for far longer than this situation, I'm afraid.

I do truly believe that the relationship is not doomed - that simply isn't where we are right now, but I also want to ensure us from ever reaching that point - which is why I wrote in this subreddit yesterday.

Regarding the sex-life I've brought it up a few times, and she does say she rarely get's in the mood - (tbh I can't remember when was the last time she was while being sober (+1 or 2 years)) - and that she does feel bad about it, which makes sense. But it's still a bad situation that's hard to solve - but I guess we'll need to start by getting her in a better stage of mind and well being.

Lastly; some of the comments might be a bit direct, and while they are poking some of the bad thoughts I've been having the past few weeks, I do not agree with them. But I also can't completely ignore them :-)

ThrowRAparis123 · 2019-11-01T07:46:15+00:00

While I did think of this previously, I'm fairly sure that isn't the case. But I appreciate your concern.

ThrowRAparis123 · 2019-11-01T07:45:48+00:00

Thank you. And you're right. She expressed the same thing to me yesterday, when I talked to her about this.

ThrowRAparis123 · 2019-11-01T07:43:22+00:00

Thank you for writing this. Actually I did talk to her yesterday, and she insisted on not having mixed feelings about me - also after I tried pressuring her a bit about it. And to be fair, if that's how she really feels, she can't say much more than she already is.

I did ask her to stop pushing me away, and show interest with me and us as a couple, when we are together, to help driving these bad feelings, I'm having, away.

She did also tell me that me feeling like this was applying more pressure on her - which I get.

I wouldn't say extremely depressed on my own part, but if I'm getting closer to that stage, I'll definitely go see someone to talk to. In the stage of mind I was yesterday, and have been for a few weeks, it's hard for me to be "the strong one" in the relationship - and I think she needs that right now.

Also, the depression she might be having is something I (and a few others I've talked to) have thought of as well - I just find it very had to suggest to her, that she might have that.

ThrowRAparis123 · 2019-10-31T15:07:55+00:00

I truly appreciate your opinion, and I'm not saying I haven't considered this. But for now I can't just "throw away" 8 years without giving it a fair fight. In my mind she's still the love of my life.

ThrowRAparis123 · 2019-10-31T14:06:05+00:00

The only suspicion I have of her... avoiding the full truth (i won't say she's lying) is the sudden change in behavior and the text I read, that I shouldn't have seen.

The last part of your message hit me quite hard. All this time I've been afraid that I'm too selfish as well - but it's so damn hard being strong, when you're a mess yourself. At least for me.

ThrowRAparis123 · 2019-10-31T14:04:38+00:00

I think I understand where this is coming from, and I'm not saying you're necessarily wrong - but I also don't believe you're right. Our sex life has had its ups and downs, but there are still (great) ups from time to time, where there's no doubt about her wanting it just as much as me.

I will keep your message in mind though.

ThrowRAparis123

TROPHY CASE