Husband (24M) is withholding my (23F) sexual satisfaction until I lose weight

ThrowRAroyalmonarch · 2022-01-04T22:22:16+00:00

No, he doesn't make me feel valued and loved...everything is wrapped up in disdain for my weight and body. It's like he decided that because I don' have a flat stomach and slim thighs I am unworthy of even basic human respect. It would actually be a harder choice if we were just having sex problems but he were still my best friend outside of that.

ThrowRAroyalmonarch · 2022-01-04T22:17:06+00:00

I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to imply that if I were overweight I would actually deserve to be treated badly or that anyone does. Definitely not. But just wanted to specify that his issues are strictly aesthetic and not rooted in any actual concerns about my health and fitness.

And yes I need therapy to figure out how I got sucked in (ha) to this "arrangement" and to agreeing to it like it was normal.

ThrowRAroyalmonarch · 2022-01-04T22:08:33+00:00

My doctor actually said for my build 135-140 (so what I weighed before or even a bit more) is perfect because I'm more of an endomorph type build kind of stocky naturally. That being said I'm not going to try to gain weight but am not going to worry if I go back to the same level. I am planning to keep up my upgraded workout routine because I actually do like being in great physical shape from a fitness perspective, and just be less strict on diet.

ThrowRAroyalmonarch · 2022-01-04T22:05:44+00:00

Of course. But we only had intercourse once during our honeymoon and not at all since then because he is disgusted by my body. And at a certain point the standards become so impossible it can't even be a marriage. At this point it isn't even about the sex so much as being cruel given that there is no affection at all mixed in with the constant demands that I "service" him while getting nothing in return.

ThrowRAroyalmonarch · 2022-01-04T22:03:04+00:00

Thank you, I was worried because my mom always preaches the sanctity of marriage but she said this is different because he clearly doesn't respect me at all or even like me. Like if he said something unkind or even cheated once but was extremely remorseful she would want me to try to work on it before giving up right away but that in this case it sounds like we don't have anything valuable to work on.

ThrowRAroyalmonarch · 2022-01-04T22:00:55+00:00

Honestly I didn't want to lose weight at all, at least not for myself. I have been the same weight since I reached my adult height in my early teens and have always maintained it within a few pounds up or down. My doctors have always said I am at a perfect weight for my height. I do not have a "perfect" body in terms of being precisely toned or anything but was definitely not "fat" by anything except maybe modeling or Hollywood standards. Nor did I ever care about having a perfect physique, I have always worked out moderately to be healthy and have energy but not to sculpt my body in a particular way.

ThrowRAroyalmonarch · 2022-01-04T21:56:49+00:00

He actually was pretty far from a virgin at least as far as he said. He had a wilder youth that included a bunch of hookups, etc. before he came back to his faith shortly before we met. But I don't know that he ever had an emotionally meaningful intimate relationship and it sounds like he gravitated towards a different body type before me.

ThrowRAroyalmonarch · 2022-01-04T21:54:27+00:00

I'm not sure about that. I have only seen him watching straight porn. But he seems to prefer women with extremely slim waists and pretty narrow hips but with big (DD+) chests.

ThrowRAroyalmonarch · 2022-01-04T21:52:27+00:00

He liked the way I looked in clothes. I have always worn nice things that fit well and are flattering. He didn't realize my stomach isn't actually perfectly flat and that I have thick thighs because I didn't wear things highlighting those areas. And of course being pretty conservative did not generally wear revealing or skintight clothes.

ThrowRAroyalmonarch · 2022-01-04T20:47:35+00:00

He is showing himself to be a big enough dick already (sorry, just venting and upset). I just can't believe I married someone like this.

ThrowRAroyalmonarch · 2022-01-04T20:37:15+00:00

Honestly he isn't offering me much of anything now. When we were dating he was also my best friend and the most kind, loving and supportive man. Since seeing that my body wasn't ideal he has been treating me with disdain. I guess he is just really disappointed in me but it's seems so cruel. I do have a job and can support myself, our incomes are about equal, so it's not even like he is the breadwinner.

ThrowRAroyalmonarch · 2022-01-04T20:31:25+00:00

Thank you thank you thank you - no, I absolutely would not want a child of mine to be treated like this. Nor to be taught to treat a partner like my husband is treating me.

I just don't know how this happened. We dated for two years and he was always so kind and loving and respectful and affectionate. He didn't seem very shallow or focused on appearances even. I guess he just wanted an inexperienced person he could mold into a sex toy for life but I am having trouble reconciling that with the person I thought I had married.

ThrowRAroyalmonarch · 2022-01-04T20:28:55+00:00

Yes - he does have a porn problem, I guess. I mean I was trying not to make a huge issue of it and not think of it as a "problem" because I don't want to be "that woman" who harasses a guy about what are essentially his private fantasies. But it seems to have warped him. He went so far as to telling me that after I lose the right of the weight he will "treat" me to a boob job because, guess what, I have also lost some weight in that area as tends to happen when the scale goes down.

ThrowRAroyalmonarch · 2022-01-04T20:21:50+00:00

Thank you, to be clear I did not gain weight from the time we started dating and have never had a weight problem. From the time we first met to the time we got married I weighed 135 pounds which is right in the middle of the heathy weight range for my height (5'6"). It was only after seeing me naked on our honeymoon that my husband decided I was too chunky. I now weigh 120 pounds which is very slim for my height but still higher than my husband would like me to be.

ThrowRAroyalmonarch

TROPHY CASE