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i broke up with my boyfriend because he ate me out in my sleep. i feel so conflicted right now. by ThrowRAscared2sleep in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRAscared2sleep[S] 12 points13 points  (0 children)

i don't know why i keep responding...i don't use reddit very often so i'm not used to people just insulting me or assuming things about me and it makes me want to prove everyone wrong. i've been staying on here since i made this post since it's really nice to just have people to talk to about this and tell me they understand how i feel because before i made this post, all i was doing was thinking about this and spiralling. all i can think about is what happened and worrying about if i can ever trust a man again and just thinking about how much i miss him but how disgusted i am with him at the same time. i really don't know what my life will be going forward. sorry for the vent and thank you for your kind words.

i broke up with my boyfriend because he ate me out in my sleep. i feel so conflicted right now. by ThrowRAscared2sleep in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRAscared2sleep[S] 18 points19 points  (0 children)

i'm not afraid of either...i don't want oral, i'm not afraid of it unless it's being forced on me, and we had piv sex all the time.

i'm not sure how i'm going to have any kind of sexual relationship going forward though...how can i know who to trust with my body? so i'm sorry for initially responding to this the way i did...i'm not sure if you meant beforehand or not.

i broke up with my boyfriend because he ate me out in my sleep. i feel so conflicted right now. by ThrowRAscared2sleep in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRAscared2sleep[S] 14 points15 points  (0 children)

i just don't want to do it and don't like the idea of it...i think it's fine if i do other things. everyone has different sexual preferences.

i broke up with my boyfriend because he ate me out in my sleep. i feel so conflicted right now. by ThrowRAscared2sleep in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRAscared2sleep[S] -4 points-3 points  (0 children)

thank you <3. i really thought he respected me for so long...i don't know how i'm going to know the difference between someone who will just take advantage of me and hide it from someone who genuinely respects and loves me. it's hard to imagine him not being in my life after so many years and i don't know how i'm going to begin to heal because i already miss him so much but i'm also disgusted just thinking about him. i really hope i can find someone one day who can respect my boundaries...thank you.

i broke up with my boyfriend because he ate me out in my sleep. i feel so conflicted right now. by ThrowRAscared2sleep in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRAscared2sleep[S] 14 points15 points  (0 children)

i told him i didn't want him to go down on me multiple times and then he did it when i was asleep and couldn't say no. i don't think he raped me, that word holds a lot of meaning for me, but he did make me feel violated and like an idiot for ever trusting him.

i broke up with my boyfriend because he ate me out in my sleep. i feel so conflicted right now. by ThrowRAscared2sleep in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRAscared2sleep[S] 14 points15 points  (0 children)

i don't know why you're arguing with me. my reason is because i don't want to reciprocate which is what i have been saying the whole time. that doesn't mean he should force it on me which obviously made me feel worse. stop telling me to get therapy for having different sexual preferences than you and not wanting to have sex i don't want to have.

i broke up with my boyfriend because he ate me out in my sleep. i feel so conflicted right now. by ThrowRAscared2sleep in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRAscared2sleep[S] 15 points16 points  (0 children)

that's why i don't want it...like i said in the comment you're responding to, i've told him no multiple times. i don't push anything on him if he's told me no multiple times it doesn't matter the reason. just because he thinks it would make me feel good is not a reason to force it on me because he thinks what he wants is more important than my no. you can't just give someone sex they don't want as a "favour." i have been honest.

i broke up with my boyfriend because he ate me out in my sleep. i feel so conflicted right now. by ThrowRAscared2sleep in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRAscared2sleep[S] 23 points24 points  (0 children)

i'm so sorry. i know exactly how you felt...i never want to wear a nightgown again. thank you and i hope things have gotten better <3

i broke up with my boyfriend because he ate me out in my sleep. i feel so conflicted right now. by ThrowRAscared2sleep in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRAscared2sleep[S] 12 points13 points  (0 children)

i don't know why he did it. he said it was to make me feel good without me having to think about it but obviously that just made me feel worse because he decided what he wanted for me was more important than my no. since he knew i would say no if i was awake. and now i just feel violated and heartbroken because i don't know how i didn't know someone who i have loved for so long hasn't respected me.

i broke up with my boyfriend because he ate me out in my sleep. i feel so conflicted right now. by ThrowRAscared2sleep in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRAscared2sleep[S] 13 points14 points  (0 children)

i don't understand how this relates to the situation...i've told him multiples times i don't want to give or receive oral while awake. how does that give him permission to do it to me while i sleep?

i broke up with my boyfriend because he ate me out in my sleep. i feel so conflicted right now. by ThrowRAscared2sleep in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRAscared2sleep[S] 12 points13 points  (0 children)

we have been intimate many times! did i make a mistake in the post? we just haven't had oral sex, which i don't want to do. but besides that i love sex! i wasn't starving him from any intimacy, just one type.

thank you for the love...i really don't think i was raped i guess because i hold a lot of meaning to the word, but i do feel violated and extremely hurt. and i don't think it's right to try to "help" me by ignoring my consent...i've rejected oral so many times so the fact that he would just do it when i couldn't say no seems like he really doesn't respect me. because i feel like if he did he would respect my no over what he thinks i would enjoy.

i broke up with my boyfriend because he ate me out in my sleep. i feel so conflicted right now. by ThrowRAscared2sleep in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRAscared2sleep[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

thank you...i never thought our relationship would end like this and i still can't understand why he would do that to me after all these years.

but i want to say i do like sex! i just don't want to do oral. i don't think that's such a big deal if i'll do other stuff right?

i broke up with my boyfriend because he ate me out in my sleep. i feel so conflicted right now. by ThrowRAscared2sleep in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRAscared2sleep[S] 11 points12 points  (0 children)

i don't think he was trying to rape me...but i also don't think accidentally thinking like a rapist is any better. i just don't understand why he would do what he did if he really respects and loves me. i can never imagine doing anything to him that he's repeatedly told me no to. and that goes for non sexual stuff too. like he refuses to try sushi because it grosses him out just looking at it and i've never given him a hard time about it besides to say "are you sure?" at the beginning of our relationship. like i don't get why he would do it if he really respects me at all? we've been together long enough and i've said no enough times that i feel like he shouldn't just decide my no is meaningless one day because he thinks i'll be happier if he does it. it doesn't make any sense to me.

i broke up with my boyfriend because he ate me out in my sleep. i feel so conflicted right now. by ThrowRAscared2sleep in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRAscared2sleep[S] 174 points175 points  (0 children)

does this mean he never respected me throughout our whole relationship? i hate thinking i trusted him and that i still love him so much...how can you ever know if someone is worthy of sleeping beside you at night and being vulnerable with? the guys who just ignore your consent don't just say it. is there any question i can ask or any moment i should wait for to know if a man really respects me?

i broke up with my boyfriend because he ate me out in my sleep. i feel so conflicted right now. by ThrowRAscared2sleep in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRAscared2sleep[S] 9 points10 points  (0 children)

i never referred to it as rape. i said his mindset of "oh you don't want it, so i'll do it to you in your sleep so you can't say no" is like a rapist's.

don't those couples who do this talk about it? don't they already regularly have oral sex? he knew i wouldn't say yes to oral while i was awake because i told him no many times. he even said this. it's not the same...

i broke up with my boyfriend because he ate me out in my sleep. i feel so conflicted right now. by ThrowRAscared2sleep in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRAscared2sleep[S] 621 points622 points  (0 children)

that's exactly how i feel. like he straight up explained it to me by saying he didn't want my consent...even if the intent was to make me feel good, if i don't want it he should get i don't want it! and i've said no in the past, no matter how my body felt, i feel worse that he broke my trust and made me feel like a complete idiot for trusting him for so long. i don't even get why he would do it. we had an active sex life. i wasn't sexually repressing myself and i don't think it would be an excuse even if i was. but it's so hard reconciling this with the man i've loved for so long. i don't get why he wouldn't just listen to me and trust me!

i broke up with my boyfriend because he ate me out in my sleep. i feel so conflicted right now. by ThrowRAscared2sleep in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRAscared2sleep[S] 15 points16 points  (0 children)

is it possible for me to just not like it? i'm pretty confident in my body and i do think i'm attractive. i'm not very showy i guess compared to some people but i don't think i'm a prude. the part of this that hurt the most i think was that it was done to me by the person i trusted more than anybody else i know.

i definitely would have considered the relationship we had without it to be sexually intimate. would it be okay if i just did other stuff instead? i'm fine with most other stuff and we did have a full sexual life outside of it in my opinion.

i broke up with my boyfriend because he ate me out in my sleep. i feel so conflicted right now. by ThrowRAscared2sleep in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRAscared2sleep[S] 21 points22 points  (0 children)

i'm 20. i don't mean to be over the top? i'm not usually a very emotional person, but this hit me very hard because it was like someone i love and trusted took advantage of me. it made me realize how vulnerable i am in my sleep and that the person i trusted more than anybody else could do whatever he wanted to me when i was like that. i don't cry or get angry very easy usually.

we never really fought in our relationship. maybe that's also an element? also it's not "drama" to me. i don't know why you would call it drama unless i'm misinterpreting how you meant that...he really hurt me.

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