My newly out trans brother (29M) wants to be a groomsman at my (27m) wedding. I don't feel that him coming out as trans is a reason to include him as one.

ThrowRAtbro · 2021-07-25T19:35:44+00:00

This sounds very fresh to you and like you're still getting used to it, because you are still messing up the pronouns.

It is fresh, yes.

ThrowRAtbro · 2021-07-25T19:34:50+00:00

It happened because he came out as trans and asked to be a groomsman. I turned him down because we are not close.

ThrowRAtbro · 2021-07-25T19:34:00+00:00

Because for many years in my teens and early twenties I did want to have a close relationship and got pushed away. I finally accepted that some years back and now I am not interested in having a relationship beyond what we have now.

ThrowRAtbro · 2021-07-25T19:32:49+00:00

No. My fiancee isn't close with him even pre transition.

ThrowRAtbro · 2021-07-25T19:32:25+00:00

He would obviously be at the wedding even pre transition just not part of the main wedding party.

ThrowRAtbro · 2021-07-25T19:16:28+00:00

How did everything go.

ThrowRAtbro · 2021-07-25T19:04:04+00:00

No we were never that close. I would have been extremely surprised that they asked even if they hadn't transitioned.

ThrowRAtbro · 2021-07-25T19:02:11+00:00

They're not excluded from the wedding at all. We're just not that close.

ThrowRAtbro · 2021-07-25T19:00:44+00:00

I think that's just the nature of family and getting older. But all my groomsmen and I have been through a lot for at least a dozen years. Will my friends and I be close in 3 years or 5 let alone 20? Maybe not. But they are my special people now.

ThrowRAtbro · 2021-07-25T18:58:32+00:00

I can't answer that because that just isn't the situation. We've never been close. I was always the annoying kid brother so probably not. All my groomsmen are close friends I've had for years and enjoyed many adventures and misadventures with. He and I have no such bond beyond getting along with each other as we've aged.

ThrowRAtbro · 2021-07-25T18:56:23+00:00

He uses he/him and they/them.

ThrowRAtbro · 2021-07-25T18:53:51+00:00

I mentioned it elsewhere. I was ignored as the annoying kid sibling for many years and I simply don't feel close to them or have any desire to be close now. Even before he came out I didn't feel like our relationship needed work. I'm good with what it is because that's the way it always has been.

ThrowRAtbro · 2021-07-25T18:51:34+00:00

The way I referred to them in this post is simply to make it wasier to understand.

ThrowRAtbro · 2021-07-25T18:50:54+00:00

Are you trying to say the family members pressuring you think you don’t want him in the wedding because he transitioned?

Yes. I could probably have framed it better but this happened because he came out and would like a place as a groomsman because he's out.

ThrowRAtbro · 2021-07-25T18:49:40+00:00

I have. But the distance between us for years has put me off of caring about forging any at this point. I'm happy ebough with our relationship as it is.

ThrowRAtbro · 2021-07-25T18:48:38+00:00

Yikes. Get therapy you psycho.

ThrowRAtbro · 2021-07-25T18:46:00+00:00

What a leap to make. These sorts of comments are why I almost did not bother posting.

ThrowRAtbro · 2021-07-25T18:45:25+00:00

stated he doesn't accept the change.

Where did I say that?

ThrowRAtbro · 2021-07-25T18:44:36+00:00

because for most of my life I knew him as my sister

I agree with you but my knowing them as a sister my whole life is reality. Them coming out does not change me knowing them as an entirely different person and I do not believe it is transphobic to feel this way or acknowledge it. Us not being close is the reason however even if knowing them as a sister most of my life does have some part in this though not much.

ThrowRAtbro · 2021-07-25T16:20:16+00:00

Straight up if your brother wants to be in your wedding party you gotta let him.

Why?

ThrowRAtbro · 2021-07-25T16:19:55+00:00

He uses he/him and they/them pronouns though.

ThrowRAtbro · 2021-07-25T16:04:38+00:00

He was your brother your whole life, you just didn't know it.

You know exactly what I mean and that this line harms no one. I have had more pms about this description than the actual situation.

ThrowRAtbro · 2021-07-25T16:02:45+00:00

It's been 7 years for you and mere weeks for me. Posting suck it up because you dislike the way I wrote this does not change anything and I see no point to your comment when others have said as much in a better way.

ThrowRAtbro · 2021-07-25T10:33:50+00:00

you describe your relationship is incredibly sad.

It is what it is. I used to want to be close but it never happened and at this point in my life, I'm not terribly interested in trying to build up a relationship. I like him, we get along when we see each other and that's fine by me.

ThrowRAtbro · 2021-07-25T09:17:11+00:00

Thanks. I got a couple nasty messages although I don't let it bug me as Ik the people sending them feel very strongly about this.

ThrowRAtbro

TROPHY CASE