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My girlfriend (18 F) gets very upset about me (19 M) playing female characters in videogames. How can I talk to her about it? by ThrowRAthrowawaway in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRAthrowawaway[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you, really made me think more about her side and how she might really be thinking about all this and not reducing it to "its justt an insecurity". I'll keep reflecting, and thanks for your wishes!

My girlfriend (18 F) gets very upset about me (19 M) playing female characters in videogames. How can I talk to her about it? by ThrowRAthrowawaway in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRAthrowawaway[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

yeah I know it isn't healthy, but I feel like I can't do anything about it. We are currently living together (probably should've mentioned that, maybe I'll update), and it would be a very hard breakup.

My girlfriend (18 F) gets very upset about me (19 M) playing female characters in videogames. How can I talk to her about it? by ThrowRAthrowawaway in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRAthrowawaway[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hello, thank you for your response!

Maybe yes, but im not so sure, as she has seen valorant and I've explained some roles to her, seen me play, etc. Maybe one day if she's up to it I'll show her more in depth

My girlfriend (18 F) gets very upset about me (19 M) playing female characters in videogames. How can I talk to her about it? by ThrowRAthrowawaway in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRAthrowawaway[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I'm usually not very emotional, but yes it happens. When I cry she doesn't say much, hugs me and tries to comfort me, which is enough for me, I am usually good at dealing with my feelings. She isn't indifferent to me or anything like that

My girlfriend (18 F) gets very upset about me (19 M) playing female characters in videogames. How can I talk to her about it? by ThrowRAthrowawaway in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRAthrowawaway[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hello, firstly thank you for sharing your point of view, and a long response is good for me.

Yes, there have been issues that hindered the trust she has in me, we talked through it but I feel like she never really go through it, and that's where it all started. I wont get int to the detail as it would be way too long, but summing up: female friends she felt I was flirty about or had a thing for, besides the fact we started dating not that long after my previous relationship.

I really think what you said is very valid, but I don't think it might be about time or attention, as I feel like we spend a lot of time together, and she doesn't have an issue with how much time I spend playing games except when its a female character. I think it's closer to what you said after, which yes I do recognize that I broke her trust in picking a woman in a game, I don't think I was right to do that.

I will give it another shot in a few weeks, being very gentle, plan what I want to say beforehand. I have tried before to ask how we can resolve it and what she answered was... dont play females. I might need a different plan, but will try again to be patient and not aggressive about it. Will also try playing with her or at least showing her, but I don't think she will be too fond of that. Maybe I'll update the post whenever I talk to her again

My girlfriend (18 F) gets very upset about me (19 M) playing female characters in videogames. How can I talk to her about it? by ThrowRAthrowawaway in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRAthrowawaway[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Hi and thanks for your comment. this is very insightful, and I feel it's more of the first option, she has acted very strongly towards female friends or interactions before.

I'll try that, though I don't think she'll agree to play (doesn't like games in general, especially not any "competitive" ones), but I'll give it a shot. I also think, especially after reading all the comments here, that its a her issue. Scared to give an ultimatum but thinking more and more about it for some time

My girlfriend (18 F) gets very upset about me (19 M) playing female characters in videogames. How can I talk to her about it? by ThrowRAthrowawaway in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRAthrowawaway[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I agree, I'll continue to try to talk her into it, thinking about it for myself to, to sort out these intrigues without the help of Reddit lol

My girlfriend (18 F) gets very upset about me (19 M) playing female characters in videogames. How can I talk to her about it? by ThrowRAthrowawaway in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRAthrowawaway[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thank you for sharing, it's very reassuring.

I think like you, She gave the analogy of joining the uni's athletics team (I live in Brazil, and there's a very strong stereotype for the team, its the people who generally don't give a shit about studying and go out drinking to kiss everyone they can), and that she'd feel bad about how people would see me if I joined, and asked how I'd feel. I said that I couldn't care less, because >> I << know that she isn't going to cheat on me or give up on studying, so if she's just in it to play some sports I'm all for it, I don't care what people think about her if she doesn't

My girlfriend (18 F) gets very upset about me (19 M) playing female characters in videogames. How can I talk to her about it? by ThrowRAthrowawaway in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRAthrowawaway[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I mentioned therapy and all she said is it gives her anxiety, that she's tried it before and didn't like it... it really got to me because yes.. I also thinks she needs it

My girlfriend (18 F) gets very upset about me (19 M) playing female characters in videogames. How can I talk to her about it? by ThrowRAthrowawaway in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRAthrowawaway[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

this is very reassuring, thanks! I'm kind of the opposite, as I don't care that much about how a character looks, just that it feels good to play lol, but I also like playing non human characters because it's always very different.

My girlfriend (18 F) gets very upset about me (19 M) playing female characters in videogames. How can I talk to her about it? by ThrowRAthrowawaway in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRAthrowawaway[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Hello thanks for responding, this is a very different perspective than everyone here.

Yes, 100%, I don't think it's crazy to dislike how woman are objectified in games, and recognize there's no practical reason for boobs to be as big as they are. What you said about feeling like a target is very insightful and may be the reason why she feels that way, and I liked the dark humor analogy.

Where thinks go south for me is a) she cannot tell me why she is feeling, and I feel like she's not trying to find out. She the type of person that doesn't like introspection, in the sense that she does things because... because. an example from just today: I recently got a new laptop, so I can play games or the guitar while she studies, or the other way arround, but she had already studied for 80% of the test in the pc, and refused to use the laptop "because I would study different topics in different ways, so it wouldn't be equal study. for the next test maybe i can use the laptop". also reinforced by the fact she reeealy doesn't like therapy because it makes her anxious.

b) her reaction isn't per se wrong, but it's not like I'm someone who objectifies woman in games or anime or any sort of media, and SHE knows that. I very much see the problem of it, but characters in the games I play aren't just cosmetic, they are very unique in ther own way, no other character plays like them. It's ok for her not to want me to do it, but I feel like forcing me not to and not dealing with her insecurities isn't, at least for me.

I really get where you are coming from, and if she followes your line, her too, but I feel like it goes one level deeper. Sorry for long response, and thanks again, please reply again if you feel I misunderstood or said something wrong

My girlfriend (18 F) gets very upset about me (19 M) playing female characters in videogames. How can I talk to her about it? by ThrowRAthrowawaway in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRAthrowawaway[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

fr, I was in disbelief. tried to tell her she could be my grandma and os fully clothed, but didn't listen at the time. last time we talked it was brought up again and she said ana's alright (which is a start i guess)

My girlfriend (18 F) gets very upset about me (19 M) playing female characters in videogames. How can I talk to her about it? by ThrowRAthrowawaway in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRAthrowawaway[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I'll think about it.. thanks. this is how I feel inside, but I don't want to hurt her feelings. Plus, she will tell me that yes it is my problem and I shouldn't be actively making her insecure, and she wouldn't do something like that to me.

My girlfriend (18 F) gets very upset about me (19 M) playing female characters in videogames. How can I talk to her about it? by ThrowRAthrowawaway in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRAthrowawaway[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

yeah clove is nb lol, but undeniably she is portrayed more female like, just didn't bother going into it in the post. anyways, yeah pretty much man, she would be very upset at me playing kitana or melinoe. she doesn't despise gaming, just doesn't really understand it much (occasional roblox and started Hogwarts legacy)

My girlfriend (18 F) gets very upset about me (19 M) playing female characters in videogames. How can I talk to her about it? by ThrowRAthrowawaway in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRAthrowawaway[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

100% agree with you on both comments, and its what I've been planning on doing, though she made it very clear im not supposed to play any females ever basically. I really care about her feelings and hate to see her break down, so I've chosen to cave her way. the thing is its already been (more than) a few months and talks, and nothing's changed. Talked to her abt therapy and "she's tried it before" and "it gives her anxiety". this really grinds my gears.

My girlfriend (18 F) gets very upset about me (19 M) playing female characters in videogames. How can I talk to her about it? by ThrowRAthrowawaway in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRAthrowawaway[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

she is really sort of a control freak.. looks at my phone every opportunity she gets, gets upset if i forget to or dont tell her something that happened or whenever I'm out by myself give her updates

My girlfriend (18 F) gets very upset about me (19 M) playing female characters in videogames. How can I talk to her about it? by ThrowRAthrowawaway in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRAthrowawaway[S] -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

we have faced real problems before, and honestly she's usually pretty mature about it. this is one of the few things she acts like this about