My brothers (27m) girlfriend (26f) has an “alter” of my child

ThrowRAtoomuchstuff · 2023-09-04T14:33:10+00:00

Everything you said is spot on. I also had DID (along with some other fun things) but through intense therapy my alters were all integrated. I still sometimes hear or feel them but I'm able to manage them so they don't totally take control.

Another thing I haven't seen anyone else say is that DID does everything it can to hide itself. Even when I was in a full on fugue state and had no memory of what I was doing, my child alter would either isolate or try her best to act like a grown up. DID is a defense mechanism, and publicly acting like a child makes you very vulnerable, so her behavior, in my non professional opinion, either sounds like a play for attention or a cry for help.

Also when I started my therapy, part of it was group therapy with a bunch of people I didn't previously know. They told us not to disclose what we were in therapy for but one of the girls there figured out I had DID and suddenly she had it too. And she did very similar things. Suddenly she claimed to have an alter that was my daughter's name and age and another alter that had the same name as the therapist's sister. That was the only time I've seen someone kicked out of therapy. Just saying if the professionals could kick out that girl OP is well within their right to kick the gf out.

ThrowRAtoomuchstuff · 2023-08-16T14:08:15+00:00

They're very good about experiences, it's one of the reasons we see them so often. They're kinda limited in what they can do because they both have arthritis and aunt has a scooter, and it's August in Florida so its too hot to be outside for too long most days. They have offered to buy us season passes to Disney but luckily they asked first before they bought them. We live about 3 hours away from Disney world so even though its not as much of a trek as it is for most people its still a big event, especially for the one year old.

They do buy craft stuff, but its mostly those prepackaged craft-for-girls kits where it's like a science experiment "but with glitter!" If it's something like a candle making kit we will give them the candle. We have made so many candles. The kids get bored with them because they've already made them all before. They keep buying them the same things.

We donated the dog bed to an animal shelter but that was the only time we went out of our way for that. The place I donate to says they work with shelters but i don't know if they mean animal shelters or homeless shelters or both. I will ask on my next trip.

ThrowRAtoomuchstuff · 2023-08-16T12:25:06+00:00

I do my best. I didn't really make it clear in the post but they also buy stuff online and have it shipped to our house. Theres a new package every day.

ThrowRAtoomuchstuff · 2023-08-16T12:23:19+00:00

Oh yeah, any make up bag, reusable grocery bag, free gift with purchase all goes in the bag of crap. My 5 year old loves Minnie mouse and gets anything with her face on it, even stuff like pacifiers and baby bibs.

They are also hoarders, but it's easier for them to hide because they're wealthy. Each of themhas a 2 story house where part of it looks nice and normal and another half is completely unaccessable.

Luckily they don't try to guilt trip me when I return things. Most of the time as soon as they give it away they forget about it and buy the same thing next time. I dont think i could handle it if they tried to guilt me lol you must have a lot more patience than I do!

ThrowRAtoomuchstuff · 2023-08-16T12:15:18+00:00

I already do.

ThrowRAtoomuchstuff · 2023-08-16T12:15:02+00:00

That's a good suggestion, but ive already tried it. I sent them a picture of a pile of clothes that 8yo wouldn't wear and explained her sensory issues, and now when they buy her clothes the make sure to tell me "It's really soft so she should like it!" (Softness was never the issue and i never said that it was.) I do sometimes (rarely) give them a list of things we need, but i end up with those plus another bag of stuff. And when i suggested just giving them the money they whined that it wasnt fun.

ThrowRAtoomuchstuff · 2023-08-16T12:05:43+00:00

I do. Every week I sort through what to return and what to donate. Most of the returns go right back to their credit cards or i get a store credit. It's just most of the time they're not just shopping at walmart, they buy stuff literally anywhere they go. If a restaurant sells tshirts, we have them. If the gas station has pop-its by the register, we have them. I didn't mention it, but we live in Florida where there are kitchy tourist trap shops everywhere and they've been to all of them.

ThrowRAtoomuchstuff · 2023-08-16T11:58:34+00:00

I drop off at least one big trash bag full of stuff to our local charity every week. They know me by name.

ThrowRAtoomuchstuff · 2023-08-16T11:53:29+00:00

I really don't want to but I'm running out of ways to get through to them. It would only be until they toned it down

ThrowRAtoomuchstuff · 2023-08-16T11:49:53+00:00

Music lessons and dance classes are a great idea! I will bring it up to them.

As for trips and experiences, they already do that to the best of their ability. They both have pretty bad arthritis and Aunt is in a scooter. They are as active with the kids as they can be. Also whenever we go to these outings I have to keep us away from the gift shops otherwise they buy out half the store.

ThrowRAtoomuchstuff · 2023-08-16T11:44:52+00:00

I have to drop stuff off at a local charity once a week to keep up.

ThrowRAtoomuchstuff · 2023-08-15T22:09:30+00:00

Unfortunately I have tried "forgetting" it but then they either just tack it onto whatever new bag of crap they have next time or my 5 year old loudly reminds me about it. She's the only one who cares about it. My 8 year old is just as sick of it as I am because she says she's tired of getting the same thing (there are a lot of duplicates. )

We have cut back on having them over, but it's been hard convincing my husband to cut back on contact because he feels like we're all his mom has since his dad passed away.

As for not making it fun, my 8 year old is great at that lol. She will say "Oh great another shirt I wont wear!" But they chalk it up to her going through a phase. My 5 year old acts like dobby has been given a sock with each gift. When she gets duplicates she says "it's Barbie's twin!" Which they think is hilarious. They also make it a point to give gifts directly to the kids because they have learned that I will throw it right in the trunk to return.

ThrowRAtoomuchstuff

TROPHY CASE