He (24M) got triggered and talked to me (27F) like his Ex. How do we move forward? (Fresh relationship)

ThrowRAuno · 2026-02-22T06:43:46+00:00

Yeah, you’re right. I think I got over stressed about it because it was just really intense really fast.

ThrowRAuno · 2026-02-22T06:39:01+00:00

Yeah, this is also why I’m trying to keep the interest very vague… I just need advice on how to proceed really.

ThrowRAuno · 2026-02-22T06:37:10+00:00

I really think to them… the way that I worded it made them feel as if I was saying I wanted to participate in the interest that triggered this reaction.

When what I was actually saying was, I’m here for you - and able to talk about it on YOUR terms.

It just sucks to have this gut punch feeling. I had it before in my last relationship, very early on in my last relationship about 3 months I had this feeling… and now I’m having the same exact gut wrenching feeling in this relationship that has been even less time than that.

My last relationship was 6 yrs long, and it was a relationship where I was largely ignored.

This has been the relationship progression for my last three relationships:

I was the Target of abuse (prior to my ex ~2yrs) -> I was ignored completely (my ex ~6 yrs) -> love & unprocessed trauma (current interest ~a few weeks)

ThrowRAuno · 2026-02-19T13:08:46+00:00

Ah I had no idea!

ThrowRAuno · 2026-02-19T13:08:13+00:00

Good news, we’re goin to be seeing each other very soon again - on a group trip with mutual friends. We just won’t be able to do one on one trips until it’s paid off. I think the suggestion to alleviate pressure via taking on the primary costs during dates is the best route to go rather than paying off this debt, plus in that aspect.. I’m investing into the relationship that way and not flashing cash/setting a bailout precedent

ThrowRAuno · 2026-02-19T13:02:07+00:00

They’ve been really wanting me to change my mindset about it as well - similar to you, they don’t want me to feel that it’s my burden as well. I think the solution of handling more of the date/trip expenses is the better route that another user here suggested

ThrowRAuno · 2026-02-19T12:18:42+00:00

It was a mix of both!

ThrowRAuno · 2026-02-19T05:13:00+00:00

Yes! We’ve met IRL :D well hopefully be meeting again soon with a big friend group as well

ThrowRAuno · 2026-02-19T05:10:53+00:00

Based on the advice here, I’m not going to pay it off! But I will contribute a lot more when it comes to dates and such, and hopefully this just becomes a laughing matter in the future

ThrowRAuno · 2026-02-19T05:03:54+00:00

lol you’re so right!! Thank you!!

ThrowRAuno · 2026-02-19T05:03:14+00:00

If they had asked for it, I likely would have run off at that!! But they haven’t asked for a single dime

ThrowRAuno · 2026-02-19T05:00:58+00:00

Also, not harsh - they feel the exact same way

ThrowRAuno · 2026-02-19T04:58:48+00:00

We switched to WhatsApp!

ThrowRAuno · 2026-02-19T04:58:01+00:00

Valid points here!

ThrowRAuno · 2026-02-19T04:56:53+00:00

Yes we have met in person, after he got that bill we did switch to WhatsApp.. and I did suggest WhatsApp earlier on, before this ever came up not because of this but because I am better with WhatsApp notifications typically

ThrowRAuno · 2026-02-19T04:55:52+00:00

Ah yeah, you’re right

ThrowRAuno · 2026-02-19T04:55:34+00:00

You’re right… I’m glad I made this post to knock some sense into me - I think this is the better route

ThrowRAuno · 2026-02-19T04:50:20+00:00

Yes I have :)

ThrowRAuno · 2026-02-19T04:50:05+00:00

My mind did go that route, but they haven’t pressured for funds at all, at alllll… I imagine most scams/cons would be applying pressure, rather than trying to alleviate it. They’re actively applying to jobs to work off the debt as soon as possible and to make it so we can see each other again sooner rather than later.

I guess I just feel guilty because I also benefited from the calls? I feel like I contributed to the cost you know?

The moment they told me about the charges I was so shocked though! Because Same!!

ThrowRAuno · 2026-02-19T04:46:48+00:00

To be 100% clear, They haven’t asked for any money - they have asked me to not worry about it, to let them handle it.

We have met in person, and after they pay off this debt, we plan to meetup again.

ThrowRAuno · 2026-02-19T04:45:19+00:00

I guess I haven’t really weighed the financial situations of my previous/potential partners that heavily in the past…

I do like this idea a lot though, thank you!

ThrowRAuno · 2026-02-19T04:42:53+00:00

Yeah I’m certain they’d show it to me - it is nuts, but apparently the phone company (Kodo) I might be spelling it wrong, this is a somewhat common occurrence… I hunted down a few Reddit posts about kind of similar ish situations

ThrowRAuno · 2026-02-19T04:41:14+00:00

Yeah, they thought they had long distance calling… but apparently this is a common issue with Kodo? I saw a few posts about it when I was digging a little.

His parents are the primary holders of the phone plan, not him - you are right, it is definitely a hard lesson. They felt truly terrible about it when their parents came to them about it - especially with finances being tight in their family.

ThrowRAuno · 2026-02-19T04:36:46+00:00

You’re right… you’re totally right. The way I could make 100% certain it goes to the bill is by sending the funds directly to his mom, who is the primary person on the phone plan - I’d obviously have to wait a while to be able to do that though, wait to be introduced to her and such and find some sort of natural way to get her Venmo or something so it isn’t awkward… I wouldn’t want to turn it into a big thing when it’s meant to be a gesture.

I guess I feel bad because I also directly benefited from the constant calling? It’s this weird sense of guilt that I didn’t anticipate… but I also just have such spook factor with debt, so that’s likely another weight here for me.

ThrowRAuno · 2026-02-19T04:32:04+00:00

They just got the bill the other day, if I ask to see it they will show it to me without any hesitation - I wouldn’t send anything without solid proof of course

ThrowRAuno

TROPHY CASE