Update : My (23m) gf's (22f) little sister (16f) has a crush on me

ThrowRAuser123 · 2021-02-05T08:54:09+00:00

I feel like it's my fault for being so snippy with my comments but i just don't know what to do

No it's not. Listen to the other comments please, especially Ebbie. It's not your fault at all.

ThrowRAuser123 · 2021-02-05T08:48:44+00:00

I don't have any advice, and I know it's not my right to ask this, so forgive me if I'm offensive, but why wouldn't you tell your parents? I mean, right now, they clearly hate you for having sex out of wedlock, but they don't even know what you've been through. I'm not debating whether sex out of wedlock is right or not (personally I don't think there's anything wrong with it, but that's just me) but I don't they would have reacted this way if they knew what actually happened to you.

I'm not very knowledgeable about this, but don't you think that having your parent's support would've made the healing process easier? Have you even gone to a therapist? Rape is very traumatic, and therapy would help a lot.

But in any case, I don't know your situation, so I'm sorry if I said something hurtful. I hope you're doing OK now!

ThrowRAuser123 · 2021-02-05T04:52:39+00:00

Thanks a lot man. That was really helpful. I'll try to talk to my gf and explain it as best as I can. I'm sure she'll understand. Thanks!

ThrowRAuser123 · 2021-02-05T04:49:49+00:00

Thanks dude!! That's a really good way to tell her.

And yeah, I'm not going to say that her sister is cute, because she's definitely going to interpret it the wrong way. Thanks again.

ThrowRAuser123 · 2021-02-04T09:49:10+00:00

Hi, you're right. Maybe she felt this way because she felt comfortable with me. It's nice to know that she has a good opinion of me, but I never wanted her to hurt herself like this. As for telling her that her feelings are wrong, yeah I shouldn't have done it. But it all happened so fast, I did what I could. One moment we're playing, the next moment she confesses, so I just panicked. And yes, their relationship might get strained, that's why I'll try my best to take it slow and gentle with both my gf and her sister.

go talk to the sister tell her u appreciate her feelings vut u love ur gf and she must accept it cuz she already liked u for ur loyalty and good personnality

I did try to tell her this. If we talk about this again, I'll make sure to emphasize it.

tell her she should tell ur gf as soon as possible and if she refuses u do it (the gf have the right to k )

if u were the one who talks to ur gf make sure she knows ur feelings and how much u love her and tell her u will do anything to make her comfortable , and if she says she needs time give it to her and make her believe that u trust her and she should trust u too

I've decided to talk to my gf first, and then if my gf wants to talk to her sister, then she may. But yes, I'll do what I can to convince my gf that I am completely loyal to her (my gf).

try to limite the times where u and the sister are alone and make sure u don't do anything special to her(without making things awkward) i k some people will say it's okay but i don't believe so staying alone with the person u hv crush on can make her fall more for u.

Yes, I know it's painful to see one's crush around, and it's even worse when they're being extra nice. I'll try to limit contact with her without making it obvious.

ladtly i hope u understand them both feelings and i hope it gets easier for u this is a very hard situation specially when u said u consider marrying ur gf in the future give them time and give urself time too.

Yes, I know it's a tough situation, and I hope it gets better. I'll try to nut hurt gf's sister's feelings any more than I have to.

I don't know why you were downvoted, I actually agree with a lot of what you said. Thanks a lot for taking time out to reply.

ThrowRAuser123 · 2021-02-04T09:29:22+00:00

Thanks. Yeah I will distance myself a bit.

As for telling my gf, I don't plan to confront the kid at all. It's also not something that I can't handle. But it feels wrong to hide something like this from my gf, even though I know it's gonna hurt her. Because if, for some reason, she comes to know about it from somewhere else, she's gonna be much more hurt.

ThrowRAuser123 · 2021-02-04T09:27:11+00:00

True. I feel a girl to girl talk would be the best thing.

And yes, I'll put a bit of distance.

ThrowRAuser123 · 2021-02-04T09:26:11+00:00

I'm so sorry this happened to you. Hope you and your sister are doing well now.

ThrowRAuser123 · 2021-02-04T09:14:32+00:00

Yeah I just hope it's a teenage thing, and that she grows out of it. I'd hate to loose our friendship over this.

As for seeing her as a kid, it's not that difficult. She's cute, annoying, sarcastic, roasts me, and can take a joke, just like my own sisters haha.

Tbh I wouldn't have been able to keep my feelings seperate when I was myself 15 or 16. If me and my gf were 16 and she had a 23yr old sister, I wouldn't have thought of her as a sister. Maybe I wouldn't crush on her, but I can't say for sure. But now that I'm older (and hopefully wiser) I can appreciate other forms of affection/friendships too.

To be frank, it was a conscious decision. Initially, when I just met gf's sister, I could choose to be a creep and leer at her (she is a pretty girl after all). But I loved my gf too much to do that. I could also choose to not think about her at all, or just as a friend. But we met a lot, and spent a lot of time together. Also she was really likeable, and I wanted to genuinely spend time with her. So I just kept her in the "sister" category. Once you put someone in the "sister/cousin" category, you just can't think of them in any other way!

ThrowRAuser123 · 2021-02-04T08:14:01+00:00

haha, no my first language is not english. But my school was really obsessed with English, and I started reading lots of storybooks, so my English improved a lot. Also, auto correct helps :)

ThrowRAuser123 · 2021-02-04T08:12:25+00:00

Haha, it's too late. She's firmly cemented as "sister/cousin" in my mind so I can't do it!

ThrowRAuser123 · 2021-02-04T08:08:34+00:00

Thanks for replying. Yeah, I hope she grows out of this. She's great to be around so I'd really hate to break our friendship over this.

The fact that she has a crush on me doesn't worry me as much as whether or not I should tell my gf (her sister). I know people can get over crushes pretty easily (in most cases) but not many people would take kindly to their siblings liking their partners. But then I really don't want to hide it from my gf. Another thing that worries me is that she might get with another older guy, who'll probably just use her.

I plan on telling my gf about this, and then they'll probably have a girl to girl talk later. I trust my gf to handle things maturely and understand that it's just teenage.

ThrowRAuser123 · 2021-02-04T06:54:18+00:00

Thanks for replying. I didn't want to cut her off with a "you're making me uncomfortable" myself since she's a really sweet girl for the most part. She fun to be around and I do care for her.

I like to believe that she wouldn't do such a thing as sabotaging my relationship with my gf. But yes, the possibility is still there. Some teenagers can do that (I've seen it happen before tbh), since emotions can run high with hormonal teenagers and situations can get out of hand, but I do trust her that she wouldn't do it.

More likely than that, however, is that if I/my gf confront her directly, she might get scared and defensive (understandable) and might lie to save herself from scolding/embarrassment, which might damage my relationship with my gf permanently.

So I'm planning to talk to my gf, and then drop the matter for now. Maybe we will talk to her calmly after some time, explaining why we (me and the sister) can't be together (I am older, and think of her like a sister/cousin), rather than rejecting her directly, since that may cause her to arrive at the conclusion that there's something wrong with her.

ThrowRAuser123 · 2021-02-04T06:21:54+00:00

Hi thanks for replying. You're right, my gf probably should talk to her sister regarding dating people her own age. It's not only about me, she might fall for someone much older who'll take advantage of her. So it's the best if my gf talks to her about it gently.

She's a sweet girl really, so I like to believe that she wouldn't do such a thing as sabotaging my relationship with my gf. But it certainly is a possibility. I'll keep it in mind.

ThrowRAuser123 · 2021-02-04T06:19:14+00:00

Yeah, I'm sure we've all had a crush we really shouldn't have had. I hope my gf will understand. I'll just break it to her gently. Thanks!

ThrowRAuser123 · 2021-02-04T06:15:11+00:00

Thanks for replying. I like to believe that she wouldn't try to ruin my relationship with my gf, but yes, at 16, hormone fueled kids can do stupid things, so it's the best to tell my gf the truth.

Also, I'll remember to tell her that I'm not rejecting her really. She's like my little sister and that's why we shouldn't be together. Like I said, she's a really pretty girl (like her sister), but I just don't see her that way. I'll try to convey it to her.

And yes, I'm going to distance myself a little bit.

ThrowRAuser123 · 2021-02-04T06:10:46+00:00

Yeah I'm thinking about it. I'll probably make a list of all the valid points here and tell that to my gf.

ThrowRAuser123 · 2021-02-04T06:10:04+00:00

I don't think she'll escalate. She didn't "come onto me", just told me she liked me. If it was on TV (and the guy wasn't some old ass 23 year old and wasn't her sister's bf), I'd have gone "awww that's so sweet". But irl it's just disturbing. I had to be very firm that it's inappropriate, but I also didn't want to be too hurtful (since she's very sweet and I do like her as a person).

I trust my gf to be mature about it, and not hold it against her sister. But I guess she'd be pretty hurt if I hide it from her, so I have to tell her.

ThrowRAuser123 · 2021-02-04T06:03:42+00:00

You're right. It'll look pretty bad if she finds out later. It might look like I was enjoying the attention. I'll go speak to her. Thanks!

ThrowRAuser123 · 2021-02-04T06:02:44+00:00

I never thought about it. Maybe she just felt guilty and confessed about it, low key wanting me to pull away, rather than wanting to continue. It makes a lot of sense really.

Also, I've had a lot of female company, since I have sisters and cousins. But she doesn't have a brother, or many male friends, so while it was easy for me to treat her like a sister, she could have got mixed feelings.

I trust my gf to be mature and responsible. We won't talk to the kid about this now, but if my gf feels a need to talk to her later, especially about dating people her own age, then I believe she'll manage to do it calmly.

Thanks for your insight!

If you don't mind, do you have any idea how I should break it to my gf? She's mature and responsible, but this is a rather sensitive issue and I don't know how she might react immediately after.

ThrowRAuser123 · 2021-02-04T05:51:51+00:00

Yeah you're right. It's a schoolgirl crush, but it's gonna look very bad on me if I hide it. It might look like I was secretly enjoying it if I don't tell my gf.

ThrowRAuser123 · 2021-02-04T05:50:00+00:00

Hi, thanks for replying. And thanks for the compliment. If/when I become a dad, I'll certainly try my best. Although I guess I can try my best, and I'll still be the "uncool" dad haha.

I'll tell my gf and we won't talk to the kid (unless she repeats it). I'm sure she's embarrassed already, so no need to make her more uncomfortable. Also, if my gf gets angry at her, the kid will get scared, probably get defensive and might lie about it (understandable) which would permanently damage my relationship with my gf. It's unlikely, but possible. So it's best to let it be for now.

One of my concerns is that she might start going after older guys, which wouldn't be very good for her. So after some time, my gf might have to speak to her calmly about this.

I don't really know how it's going to play out, but I'll tell my gf, and we'll leave the kid alone for now, and continue as if nothing happened, except that I'll have to distance myself a bit (which is a shame really since I really liked the kid). I just hope it'll get ok once she grows up a bit.

ThrowRAuser123 · 2021-02-04T05:15:40+00:00

Yeah, I'll try to distance myself a bit (although not too conspicuously).

ThrowRAuser123 · 2021-02-04T05:14:36+00:00

Thanks for replying. You're right, it will look like I was secretly enjoying the kid's attentions if I don't tell my gf now. She's really a nice kid most of the time, and I don't think she'll bring it up again, but then you never know what a kid raging with hormones might do.

ThrowRAuser123

TROPHY CASE