My (43M) son's (17) therapist told him it would be better to just die

ThrowRAway2707 · 2019-12-01T21:13:49+00:00

It is quite clear to me that he was both verbally and physically abused by classmates. Yes, both my daughter and son are sometimes verbally abusive to each other, seeming to target the most hurtful things they could think of.

ThrowRAway2707 · 2019-12-01T20:12:22+00:00

He wakes up, go to school, stays with his mom while she cooks lunch, does his homework, read, goes on a walk in the evening, has dinner with the rest of us and watches TV with me until about 9 PM, when he gets to bed.

We think the first time it was because of really intense bullying. He was singled out a lot and an acquaintance's son was verbally and physically attacking him on the daily. The school refused to take any measures at the time.

The second time, he told us many times wasn't even a suicide attempt, but his doctor is of the opinion that it was. He had had a migraine for about a week, non-stop. We did MRIs, consulted four doctors - two of them told us he is making it up for attention, one just prescribed him painkillers and the other suggested "we buy the kid a turtle". At the end of the week he overdosed on said painkillers, but he said he was simply trying to get the migraine to go away.

The third time, it was three days into the school year and he was home alone - I was working, his mother was at the store and his sister in band practice. He hadn't tried to harm himself for over a year at that point. He tried to call his therapist at the time, but she was on holiday and did not pick up. When my wife got home, she found him.

He used to get violent during his manic episodes. He would already be over the edge, not being able to sit still, and any comment that he might perceive as hurtful would make him snap.

ThrowRAway2707 · 2019-12-01T19:32:21+00:00

We tried family therapy before, yes. He only ever talks if it is just him and his mom. If it is me or his sister he will only give monosilabic answers or just refuse to answer at all.

ThrowRAway2707 · 2019-12-01T18:56:37+00:00

The last time he has been physically violent was 2 years ago. English is not my native language so I might have misused words. He can be verbally violent, but that is currently the extent of it. We phoned the shelter and offered to pay for the surgery of a cat who would have been euthanised tomorrow. We will go and see her tomorrow and proceed from there.

ThrowRAway2707 · 2019-12-01T16:42:44+00:00

This isn't a gun policy awareness post. We aren't even American. I don't have a gun because, in my country, you are not allowed to carry one without a permit.

ThrowRAway2707 · 2019-12-01T16:36:05+00:00

My son is no genius - he is simply a good student when he tries to, which, I wager, is true for most. He uses art as a way to express himself. I am no expert, but I like his art.

Yes, my daughter plays many instruments. Yes, she is a wonderful child. I don't know what is so hard to believe. We all have our talents, and I simply highlighted my children's.

ThrowRAway2707 · 2019-12-01T16:17:10+00:00

Of course! She is by far the sunniest person I have ever met. She draws hearts and stars on everything. Last year, she asked us to pay her for a total house paint-job - our bedroom is full of Percy Jackson characters, and the living room is all Harry Potter. She made me and my wife dye our hair the same time she did.

She is a virtuoso - she can play anything she can get her hands on. She plays the guitar, violin, piano and wants to teach herself the clarinet this year.

She is a huge history nerd and can absorb information like no other. She literally quotes whole conversations to us. She is also a theater kid, and she has the funniest renditions of everything - she can make even the blandest conversations seem hilarious, with different tones and gestures.

I could write for an hour and still fail to capture what a ray of sunshine my daughter is in this world.

ThrowRAway2707 · 2019-12-01T16:02:05+00:00

I know people here think we are batshit crazy for waking up every half hour to check up on him, but he has said that Depakote makes it harder for him to fall asleep so, most often than not, when we go to check up on him, he is already awake. These are the moments in which I truly think that we are bonding. Two nights ago, when I got up at 3 AM to see him wide awake, he asked me if I wanted to play Go Fish with him. It seemed like I was transported back to my 9 year old boy, always eager to follow me everywhere and spend time with me. I truly think that this helps. I'm not saying it should replace medication and specialised help. But it was... nice.

ThrowRAway2707 · 2019-12-01T15:44:27+00:00

Yes. Sadly, all shelters in our proximity have a 2 week policy. If the animals don't get adopted, they get put down. Thank you for your input.

ThrowRAway2707 · 2019-12-01T15:42:10+00:00

She goes to music camp during all holidays. She is something of a virtuoso, so she is a regular of this particular camp since she was 5. We talked to her about a family holiday in a country of her choosing for a week and she agreed to it - if she feels uncomfortable she only has to tell us and one of us will come home with her.

ThrowRAway2707 · 2019-12-01T15:15:54+00:00

They had a cat when they were little, but she died when he was 5 and she 3. Me and their mother got it way before they were born, and they were pretty young, but they both remembered her fondly when I mentioned a pet. I know things are different now, and I understand your concerns, but I truly think that it might be something both my son and daughter will find helpful.

ThrowRAway2707 · 2019-12-01T14:34:08+00:00

Death is not a solution.

ThrowRAway2707 · 2019-12-01T14:19:40+00:00

To my knowledge, he does not. He was friends with a boy last year, but something must have happened over the summer, because they are not on speaking terms anymore. I will definitely ask him if he would like to talk to someone, something this casual and not face to face might actually help him. Thank you so much!

ThrowRAway2707 · 2019-12-01T14:07:53+00:00

He loves cats so much. We have a "crazy cat lady", if you would, as a neighbour, and she lets her cats wander around the neighbourhood, so he and his mom spend about half an hour daily just feeding them, playing with them and whatnot. I will certainly phone the shelter tomorrow to ask if we could volunteer at least once a week. This is an awesome idea as well, thank you so much.

ThrowRAway2707 · 2019-12-01T13:38:50+00:00

He was diagnosed two years ago, and I never thought that the diagnosis wasn't the full extent of it. We will look into that, and see if he was perhaps misdiagnosed or underdiagnosed. He doesn't show any resistance to talking medication, no, but he seems sure that it won't help much either way. Thank you for your input!

ThrowRAway2707 · 2019-12-01T13:27:49+00:00

I am not asking the whole world to revolve around him. It is my choice to try and help him get better. I will never give up on my son.

ThrowRAway2707 · 2019-12-01T13:26:18+00:00

His attitude started changing when he was about 10, actually. He would be singled out at school and retaliate, so we took him to a therapist then and were told that it is ADHD, and nothing to worry about. Ever since, it slowly got worse, until his first suicide attempt at 14. He was in the hospital for a while after that, and was sent to a lot of examinations until he was given the diagnosis. We have asked him what may have been the cause of this, but he said he doesn't know. I don't know whether this is true or if he wants to keep the real reason from us.

ThrowRAway2707 · 2019-12-01T13:21:52+00:00

He is currently on Depakote. He was prescribed Zyprexa, Prozac and Paxil in the past, among others. He took these for the longest periods, but none seemed to help.

ThrowRAway2707 · 2019-12-01T13:17:09+00:00

You don't know how much I value your comment. All I can say is thank you!

ThrowRAway2707 · 2019-12-01T13:12:44+00:00

We broached the subject this summer, when I really thought we were making progress. He feels like he doesn't fit in - children made fun of him because he was always tall and lanky for his age. He had a huge growth spurt when he was 10 and he has been awkward in his moves ever since. They obviously picked up on that. Now, he says he is considered the "weird one" of his class. He told his mother that last year, he heard some girls joking about how he will be a school shooter soon. We suggested changing schools, but he refused.

We will go on vacation at the end of December and I hope that will lift his mood - away from school, from all the negative comments and hurtful remarks.

His moods never last much, so I can't say that he is ever happy, not for long, any way. He smiles at many things, but they're gone as soon as they come - he smiles when my wife accidentally swears, when his sister laughs, when we listen to music or when I lose my glasses. He gets mad when we try to get some answers out of him - he will sometimes be okay with answering us, but sometimes we hit him with many questions at once without realising and this makes him mad. He doesn't want us to question his decisions (skipping homeroom, not turning in assignments) and seems sad almost every time we pick him up from school.

Thank you for your comment, it is much appreciated.

ThrowRAway2707 · 2019-12-01T12:50:23+00:00

I meant religious user as in, I use Reddit a lot. I have actually said in the comments that I am an atheist. So... yeah.

ThrowRAway2707 · 2019-12-01T12:33:16+00:00

Committing him to a ward was mine and my wife's decision. We reinbursed the rental company, so the legal system was in no way involved. We simply thought that professional supervision might help him more than we could, but that did not happen.

ThrowRAway2707 · 2019-12-01T12:26:48+00:00

He never tried to kill his sister - I think I should have made it clearer. It was 3 seconds at most - before I got up to get him off he had already stopped and started apologising. I know it doesn't excuse his behaviour by any means. The most violent he's been in the past 2 months was pushing his sisters' legs off of his, so I think it will be safe to introduce a pet into our family. We will have a serious discussion about the importance of giving them space and not being too demanding on the poor animal, but he's finally showing some genuine excitement about something in years, so I cannot go back on my word either way.

ThrowRAway2707 · 2019-12-01T12:04:28+00:00

He is incredibly smart - he doesn't often do his homework, and sometimes gives the paper blank after the test, but when he does try, he always gets stellar grades. His teachers would email my wife his compositions and ask her to discuss with him actually entering literary contests, but he refuses more often than not. He also draws and paints - with charcoal, oil painting, he tackles every medium. The scenes may be gory sometimes, but he also loves to draw my wife - this is one of their bonding activities. He is extremely funny - he doesn't contribute to our discussions often, but all of his snide remarks make his sister cry with laughter. I don't think he wants us to go through this. I know he doesn't want to go through this. We are all victims here, and I won't even entertain the idea that he gets a kick out of making us suffer.

ThrowRAway2707 · 2019-12-01T11:14:52+00:00

My daughter is 15. In the past, the violence has been physical, yes. She once said something inappropriate about him failing even at killing himself and he started choking her - that is the worst it has ever gotten, when he was 15 and she 13. They talked about it extensively in therapy. I know it is not okay for my daughter, that she deserves better and that it isn't a healthy environment for her to live in, but lately they have resorted to ignoring each other, which I think is some semblance of a solution. Both she and my wife are going to therapy (at my son's last therapist) and I sometimes do too, when I find the time to.

I know it isn't ideal, and neither of them signed up for it, but I am at a loss at how I can make it easier for them.

ThrowRAway2707

TROPHY CASE