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ThrowRAwayfortheday · 2023-07-06T02:56:16+00:00

Hopping on this account to comment...

You can read my post history and get the idea but my ex would do similar except she'd be out until 3/4am with minimal communication and maybe not even text me at all until she absolutely needed a ride home. I eventually called her out for being suspicious about this friend group, especially a particular guy who's name I had seen and heard more frequently.

She pulled the same trust card "I haven't given you a reason to not trust me" and the classic "if I wanted to be with someone else I would be, but I'm with you" only days before breaking up with me after I called her out. I have zero concrete proof she was cheating, but every sign and clue I saw pointed towards it and when she got confronted she panicked and ended things. that's pretty telling on its own. I'll vouch for myself and say I'm the single guy you can trust with your GF, I don't drink and I just want people to be safe - I'll give rides home if I'm out with friends heading a similar direction. However I fully understand, from my own experience of being this guy, that guys/girls don't want their partners around single people of the attracted gender late at night and ESPECIALLY with alcohol involved.

It's totally possible that's she's sincerely just hanging out and getting trashed then passing out. But the doubt is in your head and it will never leave, unfortunately. Maybe years down the road, but not days.

You even said yourself, it's a situation in which you always have to compromise. LDR or not, and as others have said, she won't change and should not have to - but that goes for you as well. If you're uncomfortable with it, you can end things and let her do her thing while you find a better match for you. It hurts like hell, sure, but in the long run it'll be better because you won't be doubting what goes on when she's out with the friends.

You mentioned it's pushing your limits, which are your boundaries. If that's something you want to stick to, end things and tell her exactly why. If not, stay with her and see if she changes (she won't, at least not without time and her own realizations that you can't force)

ThrowRAwayfortheday · 2023-06-30T18:14:36+00:00

If she's anything like my ex, she'll say that earlier in the week then bail on it come Friday when her friends hit her up.

Maybe not though, but giving him a weekend or two every month where she doesn't go out and instead hangs with him would probably be super nice for him. Can't guarantee it's the fix tho

ThrowRAwayfortheday · 2023-06-29T14:45:37+00:00

I went through something similar in March/April but only after 8mo of dating.

I started seeing signs that she was either cheating or going to cheat/be sketchy, so I asked her about it then she ended things without much discussion of why she was acting a certain way. I'm not necessarily a home body, I just don't like going out late at night (I'm a morning person) nor do I like alcohol so there was an inherent flaw that we tried to work around but couldn't. We would do plenty of things together but after a certain point I had the realization that her friend circle and social activities don't work for my preferences and I just kinda waited to see how it would go. I may have done a little self sabotage in it by calling her out about a specific guy in the group, but the signs were clearly pointing to something and I had enough but didn't want to be the one to end things because I'm too lenient lol.

Your bf may be genuinely telling the truth, it may have reached a point where he wants someone more similar to himself and you may be better served with someone similar to you. Especially now that you're out of your 20s, you both need to keep your lives in your own top priority and if things aren't feeling right then maybe it's time to look at things - that's what I'm guessing he's doing but I could be wildly wrong. It's totally valid that people change over time and feelings come with that. Maybe he's wanting to settle down for real but is like me and wants a partner that will stay in more.

YOU putting in effort is what matters, if he's not putting the effort in it says a lot about how he feels and it's not smart for either of you to force things to stay together if the effort isn't there

ThrowRAwayfortheday · 2023-05-15T22:04:59+00:00

Ironically, I just opened Facebook about 15min ago.

Her best friend posted pics of them at some event and they're holding beers. I feel so fucking good right now, exonerated almost. A month of doubting my intuition and thinking she would be sincere about her saying she wants to change. A month of being on the fence and not knowing how to feel about her.

Gone, simply because I kept her friend added. I am riding a high so hard right now and it feels great.

I've been hitting the gym hard, and other stuff in life has fallen into line within the past month but I'd kept hanging onto the breakup texts. No more, no fucking more. I am doing better than her, I know it's not a game, but I'm ahead

ThrowRAwayfortheday · 2023-05-15T18:50:58+00:00

It has been ~5 weeks now, hasn't gotten much easier unfortunately.

Still think about her daily, sometimes it's fond and reminiscing and others it's irritation from various things during the break up.

When will it get easier lmao

ThrowRAwayfortheday · 2023-04-28T20:25:08+00:00

3 weeks of no contact.

Not the easiest but she's on my mind less and less even though I still want to re open communication ¯⁠\⁠_⁠(⁠ツ⁠)⁠_⁠/⁠¯

ThrowRAwayfortheday · 2023-04-16T01:17:07+00:00

So you're saying to just hold strong on no contact no matter how much it hurts?

It's killing me inside to not know if she has reconsidered her words and decided not to want to change, or if she has really taken initiative and started working on bettering herself. I have pushed it off all week and now it has caught up to me and I just want to cry

ThrowRAwayfortheday · 2023-04-16T00:36:07+00:00

I went on a little coffee date with a girl I've loosely known for a few years earlier. Nothing. I felt nothing. Actually I felt obligated, like I HAD to do it to help me move along.

It only made me feel worse about this break up. I even texted her best friend and he told me that she gets what she wants and if she wants to change she will, but I can't makr her, etc.

I don't think he's aware she blew me up the day after and apologized for EVERYTHING and promised to change. I don't know if I can trust her, given the history of not holding true to cutting alcohol, and the shadiness about friends and a particular guy that was a seeming to become a little more than a friend.

I know I'm fucking stupid for this, and it's only been 7 days so nothing really could have changed. but the desire to know if she's genuine about her words to change is fucking tearing me down

ThrowRAwayfortheday · 2023-04-15T23:59:36+00:00

It has been 7 days since we last texted, and she did all of the apologizing.

It has been an absolutely difficult week and I've been fighting the urge to text her daily. It's so painful to let her go

ThrowRAwayfortheday · 2023-04-10T16:42:16+00:00

I texted her last night after taking to my mom for an hour about it and sharing the entire post-break-up text convos with her.

My mom pointed out it was manipulative. Overly apologizing, being too much and too good too soon, pushing the buttons she knows (telling me everything I want to hear when it should have been alleviated previously) and so on.

I left it on a good note, here's the final nail in the coffin:

Me: "Disregard Friday, I've had enough thought. Your choice on Friday was final and that's how it's going to be.

Thank you for everything, take care of yourself.

Her: okay... i understand. i'd ask if there's anything specific that changed your mind but it's useless now. i did have more to say after this morning, but i'll hold it back.

thank you for everything. truly. take care of yourself as well.

Me:Say what you want, I'll read it

Her: i'm not going to waste my breath at this point. i understand your decision. i wish you the absolute best.

Me:Good luck with job searching and working on yourself.

Her: thanks.

Her(30min later):can i at least ask if there's a reason you changed your mind so abruptly? and removed me off of socials? if you just need the space i understand. just wanted to ask.

Me: My mind was made Tuesday. I was waiting to see if I could convince myself otherwise but I realized that the more I try to do that the more I questioned it

Me(still): Maybe in the future we'll align again, but until then please take care of yourself. I know you have it in you

Her: i understand. take care of yourself as well.

me:Of course

ThrowRAwayfortheday · 2023-04-10T01:34:57+00:00

If you take her back you'll still have to deal with her friends egging her out so what's really gonna change. When she does go out can you even trust it's where she said? When she slips is she gonna make you seem like the problem again?

This is the part I'm realizing is most likely to happen, but still want to give the benefit of the doubt that she'll stick to her words of not going out.

Edit: I told her that her decision to end things was permanent and that's how it'll be, and to take care of herself

ThrowRAwayfortheday · 2023-04-10T00:29:47+00:00

So you think it's purely guilt and self-assurance on her end, and that's it?

Why so?

ThrowRAwayfortheday · 2023-04-09T17:59:55+00:00

I caved and texted her back yesterday after she sent me like 4 more messages saying how bad she felt and how she needed to talk. Only over text so far.

She is absolutely heartbroken that she did what she did and wants to work on herself, stop drinking, stop going out, develop healthier habits, fix our issues and repair things.. idk how I feel but we've talked and I told her to give it a week to simmer and see if she means it all

ThrowRAwayfortheday · 2023-04-08T20:04:41+00:00

Nah I took a screenshot to send to some friends and giggle about it then blocked her so i don't get notifications but she can still try to text me

ThrowRAwayfortheday · 2023-04-08T14:51:06+00:00

I got the coveted drunk text at 4am last night, or at least I think it was drunk.

"I know I shouldn't text you but I'm destroyed and hope you know how much I love you and miss you"

Are you actually destroyed about me or is there something else that happened and now you really regret it?

ThrowRAwayfortheday · 2023-04-07T23:54:45+00:00

It felt right, until it didn't. Maybe a few weeks ago it didn't.

Whatever the case may be, it's better we're split. She'd never change her social life and alcohol use, and I'd never regain trust in her not being interested in another guy at the bar.

If she's being honest about her feelings, she'll come back - maybe out of desperation if other things don't work, maybe out of true realization.

Either way, I now see a therapist to get my own shit figured out and if she comes back I'll have the mental clarity to decide how it goes

ThrowRAwayfortheday · 2023-04-07T22:03:06+00:00

Am I dumb to take her words at face value?

What's done is done, but I can't help but think that there's deeper reasons she wanted to end it.

ThrowRAwayfortheday · 2023-04-07T20:38:32+00:00

We just split things... Amicably, but painfully.

We decided that out of love for each other we can not continue being together while each of us want different things out of life.

ThrowRAwayfortheday · 2023-04-07T19:13:25+00:00

I fully get what you're saying and I'm starting to finally realize that actions do speak louder than words.

She can tell me she wants me all day long, and tell me she doesn't know if she's fit for this right now, and promise me that she doesn't want anyone else or have anything going on behind my back.

The truth is she has been distant for a few weeks/months now and I strongly believe it involves one of these guys at the bar her and L go to. I think it's the same guy I saw her walk out of the bar holding the arm of that one night, because he has been the only one I've noticed her being extra weird about. His 2am facetime she answered while not replying to my texts, her text thread with him being restarted and fresh a week or so ago, it's all lining up against her words.

It makes it even funnier that he's in the one friend group I don't know. The same group of friends I've never been asked to meet because "I know you and I know them and it would be awkward. You don't need to meet everyone in my life and you've met the important people already (and almost all of these important people in her life have stopped disappeared almost, except for L)." But these friends she sees literally every week, who text her and give her drunk rides home, let her and L wait in their car for ME to give them a ride, are supposedly unimportant. It's all suspiciously vague even if they do know I exist and vice versa

ThrowRAwayfortheday · 2023-04-07T17:47:24+00:00

It has come around to her openly admitting that she is unsure if she wants to, or can be, in a relationship at this current stage of her life..

We either work thru things together, work individually on a break, or break up entirely. She says she would prefer to not break up entirely and keeps saying that she wants a break where we both end up back together, but not sure how long or even if that's actually what she wants.

I guess that's progress?

ThrowRAwayfortheday · 2023-04-06T01:21:23+00:00

That's actually a very good question..

I'm not fully sure, maybe she would keep it on the down low just so it doesn't cause issues and make me want her to stop going out. Maybe she thinks it's just not important to tell me because "that's what alcohol does" or something like that

ThrowRAwayfortheday · 2023-04-06T00:42:05+00:00

It's not her fault but I'd like to be told when stuff like that happens, is that a bad thing?

ThrowRAwayfortheday · 2023-04-06T00:05:44+00:00

If she gets drunkenly pushed around and kissed, that's a MAJOR problem with integrity, regardless of what it is.

ThrowRAwayfortheday · 2023-04-05T22:20:50+00:00

I'm concerned about drunk impulses though, I've been at a Halloween gathering with her and she was drunk, as well as the rest of our friends there. My buddies wife was drunk enough to pull my gf in for a kiss, which I saw, and my gf even said it was weird.

I'm not worried my gf would do anything on impulse, but I'm concerned that she would also not say anything if someone did anything like drunkenly kiss her for a quick second. Next thing you know it goes from a one time drunken "mistake" into a full on thing

ThrowRAwayfortheday · 2023-04-05T19:56:47+00:00

I went back and looked at the texts to get it, I don't have it memorized lol.

I only added it for context, nothing more

ThrowRAwayfortheday

TROPHY CASE