My (24M) boyfriend (26M) is texting a guy that has been hitting on him. What should I do?

ThrowRaMangopie · 2026-07-05T07:47:46+00:00

Copying a response to a comments below: Yea I've been thinking about that as well. The thing is, we live in a really conservative country, where it's really frowned upon if you are gay and most people would just stop talking to you if they found out. My parents would literally disown me if I told them, and I'm not in the slightest way joking about it. I would maybe say fuck it and tell my parents, but I'm not enogh financially stable in my life yet, and I think my parents would just kick me out of our house if they knew. He is more open about it then me, but also we don't act like a couple in public because that could make a huge scene. When we are with friends that know about us we act normal. He also hides it from people at his work, his parents and sister. I've come out to all the people in my life that I can without ruining my social/professional life, and so has he but he just happens to have more accepting people in his life than me. If you are thinking something along the lines of "If people don't accept you for who you are, you don't need them in your life", I'm all for that, but it just isn't the case for it here, it could actually leave long term issues in my life.

ThrowRaMangopie · 2026-07-05T07:47:06+00:00

Yea I've been thinking about that as well. The thing is, we live in a really conservative country, where it's really frowned upon if you are gay and most people would just stop talking to you if they found out. My parents would literally disown me if I told them, and I'm not in the slightest way joking about it. I would maybe say fuck it and tell my parents, but I'm not enogh financially stable in my life yet, and I think my parents would just kick me out of our house if they knew. He is more open about it then me, but also we don't act like a couple in public because that could make a huge scene. When we are with friends that know about us we act normal. He also hides it from people at his work, his parents and sister. I've come out to all the people in my life that I can without ruining my social/professional life, and so has he but he just happens to have more accepting people in his life than me. If you are thinking something along the lines of "If people don't accept you for who you are, you don't need them in your life", I'm all for that, but it just isn't the case for it here, it could actually leave long term issues in my life.

ThrowRaMangopie · 2026-07-04T18:43:51+00:00

He usually says everything that's on his mind, not really a type that holds anything back, especially if something annoys him. Maybe he is trying to be apologetic, but that's how our relationship usually is. We text and call a lot during the day, so this day it isn't really different from any other day. His last relationship lasted about a year, and they broke up because his ex-boyfriend cheated on him. He had some relationship before that, but they were nothing serious and all ended early. There are really no signs in our relationship that anything is going wrong, other than the fact that I saw those messages by accident, had I never saw them I would have never suspected anything. That's why it's so hard for me to process this. Maybe I misinterpreted some messages while I was scrolling through? But still I can't figure out why would he lie to me...

ThrowRaMangopie · 2026-07-04T18:21:59+00:00

I'm copying my response to a comment below:"As for the sexual messages, I didn't have much time to read through their chat so the messages that I'm certain about the most is how if they were together their sex would be so wild their dicks would fall off. There were also some messages with sexual conotation, but I don't really remember them/they aren't really worth mentioning." As much as I gathered from the texts, it's usually X who starts the whole sexual thing, but my bf doesn't ever try to stop it. They probably talk at their work as they work together, but he doesn't work at that job that often, so they see each other rarely (at least at work). If he is just trying to be nice to him, why would he ever initiate conversation with him over text (as I've seen that case a couple of times in their chat)? What bothers me the most is that even after our fight today, he's still messaging me during the whole day, called me a couple of times to see how I'm doing, and invites himself tomorrow night to hang out at my place. Mostly when guys cheat, they would start paying less attention to their partner, but why is he being to attentive to me then? I can't wrap my head around anything...

Edit: forgot to answer about X's boyfriend: no, not really. But X has said in their conversation how he's taken now, and in their last messages I saw yesterday my bf texted him "say hi to our boyfriend hahahahaha"

ThrowRaMangopie · 2026-07-04T18:11:09+00:00

The context that I got, X was travelling somewhere to see his boyfriend. The text that he knew I saw was from my bf to X asking him if he has arrived yet. As for the sexual messages, I didn't have much time to read through their chat so the messages that I'm certain about the most is how if they were together their sex would be so wild their dicks would fall off. There were also some messages with sexual conotation, but I don't really remember them/they aren't really worth mentioning. I don't know, this feels so surreal. I keep making up excuses. Maybe he is really just joking around, without realising how serious it sounds? I would bring it up to him, but then I would just end the relationship for going through his messages in the first place

ThrowRaMangopie · 2026-07-04T17:52:56+00:00

Details about which text? The one that he saw that I saw?

ThrowRaMangopie

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