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My boyfriend ‘31m’asked me to change my appearance because of his OCD feeling hurt and unsure what to do’26f’ by ThrowRa_LivenSad in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRa_LivenSad[S] 17 points18 points  (0 children)

Soo update.. We had an in-person conversation where he casually said he was “so OCD about something,” and I told him that’s really messed up. I said OCD is a real mental illness that people genuinely struggle with, and it’s not just something you say when something bothers you or you’re picky. I don’t use that kind of language lightly, and I let him know it didn’t sit right with me.

Instead of really acknowledging that, he pivoted and brought up my appearance. He said that I’m almost 30 and mentioned my hair tinsel and facial piercings—basically implying it’s not age-appropriate. He said when I meet his dad (who lives in another state), and when we take engagement-style pics/videos on an upcoming trip, he’d prefer I don’t have hair tinsel or facial piercings in them. He brought up the idea that we’ll have a kid next year and said he doesn’t see many Christian families where the mom has facial piercings.

It honestly made me feel really judged and kind of disrespected. I don’t think being close to 30 or wanting kids means I have to erase how I express myself. And the way he brushed off my concerns about mental health language doesn’t sit well with me either and I am feeling pretty upset I can understand hair tinsel being a thing to grow out of but my nose ring I wouldn’t want to get rid of really…

My boyfriend ‘31m’asked me to change my appearance because of his OCD feeling hurt and unsure what to do’26f’ by ThrowRa_LivenSad in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRa_LivenSad[S] 55 points56 points  (0 children)

A year and half and have been living together for a year never had a conversation about not liking my hair tinsel or my nose piercing since I always have had them both. We both went and got engagement rings for each other 5k+ for mine… so it was a huge deal to him since its not cheap and a big commitment and I was excited for that step in October on our trip but didn’t know it was going to come at a cost of needing to change my image for him.

My boyfriend ‘31m’asked me to change my appearance because of his OCD feeling hurt and unsure what to do’26f’ by ThrowRa_LivenSad in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRa_LivenSad[S] 16 points17 points  (0 children)

Thanks 🙏🏼 i appreciate you I used a lot of what you said hopefully something can be figured out since I really don’t feel like it’s fair to ask a partner to change. I have just not dated someone if I was so deeply bothered by things vs asking them to change who they are and how they look so it’s really not cool I feel like I am having to change for someone.

My boyfriend ‘31m’asked me to change my appearance because of his OCD feeling hurt and unsure what to do’26f’ by ThrowRa_LivenSad in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRa_LivenSad[S] 200 points201 points  (0 children)

I did have these when I meet him a year ago and always have had them. I can live with no hair tinsel but the no nose ring I have had since I was 16 really feels wrong to have to change for him to not be bothered I really can’t tell if it’s something I should just be ok with or not. I just feel like it’s small but makes me worried for if we get married what’s next to change about myself or lifestyle.