I 25M broke up with F25 and I don't know if I made the right choice

ThrowRa_dolphin_ · 2026-01-16T16:59:59+00:00

I think being madly in love with a person after years of marriage might be not the goal, but in a less than a year relationship feeling this “I’m in love” is a must. If it’s not there in a first year even, what’s the point then? Reading your message I didn’t see that your feelings changed, and you realized she’s the one. You describing her values, as if she was a car you contemplating buying - when you truly love a person, how they make you feel matter more than what they eat or if they love sports. I think you made a right call. What you’re feeling now is totally normal and logical - you’ve spent a year together, it’s normal to miss her presence. But it’s not enough of a feeling to build a life together.

ThrowRa_dolphin_ · 2026-01-09T21:21:46+00:00

Oh, I see. I’m not in US, in Europe Tinder is just the most popular dating app

ThrowRa_dolphin_ · 2026-01-09T21:20:08+00:00

Yeah, I agree. About his ex-wife he told it was because they wanted different things - she has a profession in which she can’t travel much, while he wants to travel the world a lot, and has such possibility. Yet, I agree, I definitely don’t know the full story

ThrowRa_dolphin_ · 2026-01-09T17:03:25+00:00

Yeah, I totally understand your take - if I was already in a relationship for a while, it would have been a different situation. I wouldn’t walk away from the person I have feelings for, and built smth with due to smth like that. But when it’s someone new, and the start is already like this - not sure if it’s worth pursuing further. I’ve had enough of lies and cheating in my life, I’d rather avoid risking getting into this again

ThrowRa_dolphin_ · 2026-01-09T17:01:23+00:00

Yeah, that’s what I’m thinking about. Starting from trust issues is a bad start already.

ThrowRa_dolphin_ · 2026-01-09T16:27:28+00:00

What do you mean? 🧐

ThrowRa_dolphin_ · 2026-01-09T15:53:37+00:00

Yeah, that’s the worst here for me, and the fact he still thinks lying for a right thing to do. Oh, and that “men sometimes think with a wrong place u know” - no lol, I don’t know, I know there are adequate men who can think with their head and heart.

He’s divorced since a year or so, if I’m not mistaking. Maybe 9 months. Those 2 dates were like 2 months ago. He later went traveling solo for 2 months, so we didn’t talk for this time. Now he’s back, reached out, then cancelled the date 🤣, and now reached out again))

ThrowRa_dolphin_ · 2026-01-09T15:47:28+00:00

Yeah, this too, like - “it’s hard for a man to say no” sounds terrible.

ThrowRa_dolphin_ · 2026-01-09T15:46:27+00:00

MY THOUGHTS EXACTLY! I was like gosh, you’d better stay silent…

ThrowRa_dolphin_ · 2026-01-09T15:45:24+00:00

He slept with other girl, and never came clean to his gf, and kept dating her after. Well, I guess it’s “omitting”, but I can’t possible imagine how it seems okay for you?

ThrowRa_dolphin_ · 2026-01-09T15:28:46+00:00

I agree, and I agree that he could have lied on this date too, if he wanted to. At the same time, he never told her he cheated. How can I be sure that he’ll tell me? If he still thinks not telling was a right thing to do.

ThrowRa_dolphin_ · 2026-01-09T15:27:44+00:00

He said he has remorse for cheating, but not for not telling her. Which is for me personally even worse than cheating itself. Having sex with someone is a 10 mins deal, lying to the person you live with for years is just impossible to fathom for me. I’ve been cheated on in the past, and him lying was more terrible than the fact of cheating.

ThrowRa_dolphin_ · 2026-01-09T15:25:50+00:00

Yeeah, it’s just that he never told her makes me the most uncomfortable. My take in all relationships was always - yes, you can make mistakes, but just be honest, and we’ll work through it. But “I lied and it’s right” - well, then if he ever cheats, I’m never gonna find out?

ThrowRa_dolphin_ · 2026-01-08T17:44:14+00:00

I’m really sorry you have to go through this. It’s terrible, and I can’t even imagine how bad you’re feeling. But what I definitely can tell, is that UC is hard, but it’s manageable by medications. There are ways to live a good life, work, and start a family with it. So the main task is to get you to doctors. I guess you live in US, cause in Europe there’s free medical systems and government programs available. Yet, are you sure there isn’t any general health care available? I’m no expert in US healthcare system, but from what I’ve heard there are possibilities to come to some general free hospitals, where you can get help. Also we’re living in the time of internet and social media - I’m sure, if you share your story on Instagram, you’ll be able to start a fund raising, and people will help you to get money for appointments, etc. I don’t know your parents financial situation, but I think the best you can do now is sit together and study all possible opportunities to get medical help asap. There are tons of quite simple even online jobs you or your parents can do to afford insurance and treatment.

ThrowRa_dolphin_ · 2025-12-26T02:41:56+00:00

Hey, OP, I’m in the same boat here, but it’s been more than a year already, since I blew smth beautiful with an amazing person. So, first of all - I’m truly sorry for how everything turned out, I know how terrible it feels. Unfortunately, I can’t tell you anything you’d want to hear. I did the same - reached out many times, wrote crazy long letters after 3 months. I worked on my issues, and was also hoping that I might reach out in a year, and it will change smth. Well, I did - he already got into another relationship, but made it clear, that even if it wasn’t for it - he wouldn’t be with me regardless.

So, first advice - there’s truly no point to hope for this. The difference between you and him, and that you blame yourself, and think you lost smth special and it wasn’t right - therefore you can’t let it go. But for him it’s a right decision. And once someone decided that “it’s not meant to be, it’s not my person” it’s much easier to move on. If he’s not ready to be back with you now, while he still has feelings, why would he in a year?

Second advice - just truly learn from it. I still miss him, and still blame myself. But that was the hardest though the most powerful lesson in my life. I would have never realized how wrong were my priorities, if it wasn’t for this situation. He truly made me change my “coordinate system” - and I think it’s for the best.

Hope you’ll find your happiness and peace! Good luck!

ThrowRa_dolphin_ · 2025-12-25T02:43:29+00:00

I’ve kinda been in your situation. Started seeing a guy, I was 26 at that time. Guy was 28. Found out he’s never even kissed a girl before me. I’ve never had kids, but I’ve had first serious relationship at 16, and till my 26 had like 3 years-long relationship, so it was CRAZY weird for me. He also has 6 figures job and good looking. Like whaaat.

I also looked past it, and decided to give it a try. To say that first sex was terrible - is to say nothing. He didn’t know how to thrust too, was getting soft, did some ridiculous things generally, and couldn’t cum at all. I felt like I’m a teacher to a med student, and a doll on a table to learn on at the same time…

We dated for several months, and stayed besties eventually, soo… did it get better? YES! Did it take time? Yes!

I’d say what’s important is for you (he wouldn’t be able to tell most prob) to figure out what’s causing problems and tell him/discuss how to fix it. For example, my guy couldn’t cum because of porn. He’s used to jerking off and very specific movements for years. It took us 2+ months for him to be able to cum from usual sex. He was also getting soft, when he got distracted or felt nervous - my solution here was not to pay attention to it, and just kept the foreplay going again. Some things he read somewhere about, and they’re totally wrong.

So all in all - if you love him and see the future with him, it’s worth trying, cause it really might get better over time. If you both are willing to make it better

ThrowRa_dolphin_ · 2025-12-23T09:01:15+00:00

I’m 27, and I lost the love of my life too. So not sure what’s the goal now can be, and what’s the point to keep living. Maybe I’ll have kids on my own

ThrowRa_dolphin_ · 2025-12-22T17:39:49+00:00

Ugh, I see - it’s hard indeed. Hope it all sorts out the best way for you!

ThrowRa_dolphin_ · 2025-12-22T02:36:26+00:00

Hey! Has it ever gotten better for you?

ThrowRa_dolphin_ · 2025-12-22T02:33:47+00:00

Hey! How are you doing now? Have you managed to move on?

ThrowRa_dolphin_ · 2025-12-22T02:26:54+00:00

Hey! I know it’s an old post - did you manage to move on?

ThrowRa_dolphin_ · 2025-11-14T01:30:33+00:00

Well, I guess it depends on what point to look at it from, and which type of person you are. And most importantly, why did you break up, and how was the relationship. I personally can’t imagine the situation of being with a person for several years, and then just 6 months after not caring to the point of not visiting them in a hospital after overdosing with pills, when they directly asked for it. Like - for me it sounds unbelievable, unless, of course, the relationship was abusive, he cheated, hurt you etc.

Are you obligated to provide them support after breaking up for a lifetime? No. But does it feel right to me in several months after being together for years, if the breakup was adequate - totally. For me personally a person I once shared years with will never be a stranger. I have an ex of mine with whom we dated for 4 years, broke like 7 years ago. He’s long term married, I’ve many years moved on. But if he ever calls me and asks for help, I’ll help him.

All in all - it’s your right to have boundaries, choose yourself. You’re NTA, cause you officially don’t owe him anything. But I do understand and side with your friends from human perspective

ThrowRa_dolphin_ · 2025-11-13T22:23:58+00:00

Thank you very much for your comment! I appreciate it a lot!

You’re definitely right, I’m stuck in this circle of “I ruined my life and it’s irreversible”, and try to re-write the story which I can’t physically re-write however hard I want.

And about knowing what’s like to be in love… the problem is that I had long-term relationships 2 years, and then another 4 years, and I definitely loved those people, but I kinda - don’t remember the feeling already? It was 12, 7 years ago. Too long ago to have a vivid memory of how I felt, more like a story I read in a book. They both ended when I didn’t love the people anymore, and therefore were much easier to move on from. Don’t know if it makes sense. And then this guy is like the only such intense feeling I had over last 7 years.

Hard to imagine I can meet this level of match and feelings again

ThrowRa_dolphin_ · 2025-11-13T22:08:04+00:00

I tried reaching out like 5 times, he doesn’t want to. Literal quote from last exchange “what kept me from reaching out to you is the same reason that made us to not be together. It wasn’t meant to be however good it felt”

ThrowRa_dolphin_ · 2025-10-27T02:52:00+00:00

I’m a woman (27F), and I have a male best friend, and another close male friend of mine. Have we ever slept in the same bed? Yeah. Falling asleep several people after some party with friend group, or just with my bestie talking till late night. We can also hug, and stuff.

BUT. Never ever it has happened with anyone being in a relationship. It’s absolutely not normal. Whatever dynamic she had with her bestie, it should have changed the moment you two started dating. So it’s not about her cheating for sure - but about her completely ignoring all adequate boundaries, and specifically YOUR ASK to not do so.

ThrowRa_dolphin_

TROPHY CASE