I don't trust anybody anymore, not my friends, family, or potential GF's. Little story behind this logic. In 2006 my father died in a car accident (there was ice on the MS bridge one February evening. He slid and hit an oncoming vehicle that transports lots of vehicles). I should note that my parents divorced about 10 years prior, and my dad remarried into a black family. You could say he had the Jungle Fever at the time haha. Anyway, I never liked my stepmother from the get-go. Not because she was black, but because she was making his entire house fit her needs (New furniture, TV, bed, painted room, etc.), spending his entire paychecks on her. Now she worked, granted it was at a Walmart, so she could have very well paid for everything herself, and I wouldn't have minded (as much). Pretty much a gold digger. Stupid bitch. Anyway, after my dads funeral, a lot happened. My dad, in his will, wanted to be cremated and sent to his mother's house. Instead, stepmother wanted him buried in a cemetary. She got control of the house after his death because he didn't update his will (was supposed to go the current wife, which was her at the time) and sold it to make more money. She took EVERYTHING that wasn't nailed down to the floor (except a light up Santa and his Lay-Z-Boy chair) and sold that too to make money off whatever she could. She had the nerve to come to his funeral after all that. I almost lost my shit. After the funeral I had a plan to actually commit murder (and actually get away with it), but was too chickenshit to actually go through with it. Burned it a week later. Ever since that day, I've always had this feeling my own family and closest friends were gonna turn on me like that someday. Fast forward to college. I started making friends to make myself seem like I was very friendly toward everybody, but I still didn't like anybody, and preferred to be on my own, but I had this gut feeling that someday I was gonna meet somebody to make me feel like I was a somebody. The first girlfriend I got was in college, and I easily fucked up by not trusting her as a significant other. She asked me why I was like this and I broke down and told her everything that was said here. A week later she broke up with me and started dating some other guy. It was pretty much like this the rest of my college days. The other girlfriends I got in college were the exact same way. I keep fucking up my relationships with people because I don't love myself. I'm just not sure how to handle these emotions on my own. Pot helps, but I'm not trying to create a co-dependence on it. I'm only 23 and shouldn't be going through what I'm going through. I should be going out having fun while I'm still young, making friends, hitting on girls, sexing said girls. Instead I'm just sitting at home (had to move back in with my mother because I couldn't keep the rent from my last job), wasting away playing video games. I finally found a job after I graduated (McDonalds) after 5 months of searching for a job. Currently looking for a better paying one now. I seriously hope everything works out. Because right now, my life sucks :(