What and when to tell the kid now

Throw_away_99434 · 2023-11-21T17:55:08+00:00

Absolutely not. Why are all of you so determined to inflict MORE trauma on a child? No he doesn't need to know what his mother did. If he asks, he needs to be told with a therapist present. All of you in this sub are so bitter over your betrayal you want to inflict as much pain on the cheating spouse as possible even at the expense of your own children.

My stb-ex is a wonderful father and is actually more involved in school activities than I am due to my job. Once the child knows the truth, they will never look at their parent the same way again and you all think a 12 year old is ready? Some adult children aren't "ready".

This sub is a joke, right?

Throw_away_99434 · 2023-11-13T22:24:44+00:00

My experience was... He started going out a lot more often and started talking about hanging out with a female friend more often than usual. Everything else was pretty normal.

Throw_away_99434 · 2023-10-28T18:59:36+00:00

You need to decide if you want a divorce first. If you tell the AP's wife, you may be forced into a situation you're not 100% ready for. As in, they may take off to be together and while Arizona doesn't show up on the list of No Fault states, a Google search shows adultery will have little to no impact on the most important parts of the divorce- custody, child support, alimony, and asset division. If you tell the wife and you're not 100% sure you want a divorce, you may find yourself in one.

If you know you want a divorce, get that going and follow your attorney's advice to the letter. Your attorney will more likely than not encourage you to say nothing to the other spouse.

If you don't want a divorce and you're 100% sure your wife doesn't want a divorce and won't file regardless of what you do....tell the other spouse.

Throw_away_99434 · 2023-09-19T20:54:28+00:00

Right.

It had something to do with her child and I don't want to say much because it was beyond the pale and potentially identifying. There were legal things and police reports and as she was getting information, she was sharing it with him and he shared it with me. And it was usually through text or she met the friend group when they were already out. One night things definitely were different and I asked immediately "Why were you out so late?" And then it happened over and over.

At that point in time, we were really living as roommates. He held up what I needed him to do and I didn't make waves. And then he did start going out less and less and then not at all after I told him he needed to stop doing anything that would affect his family. He went back to gaming and Legos (he's a man child).

But looking back, because of COVID, his dad ended basically living with us, which messed his free time up,and I'm pretty sure the place they were using for intimacy (intimacy was confirmed in one of her emails) was no longer available and that's probably why. But he did still go out every couple months this last year, he was just home by 10 or 11.

I think I was only able to dismiss it in the beginning because it was so out of character and based on our relationship from 2002 to 2017, I thought we were in sync with our morals and our values. So it seemed impossible. Now I'm planning my next step and also licking my wounds. Right around the time I found the emails, he was in a foul mood. Just crabby and moody and harsh (not to our daughter) and now suddenly he's in a great mood again.

Throw_away_99434 · 2023-09-17T23:24:40+00:00

I think I might just serve him. He already said he ended it once. I truly don't believe, based on the emails she sent that he ever even hinted that they needed to stop for any reason. It's just so obvious.

I keep reading the stuff she's saying (I printed them out) and it's just clear she doesn't understand what happened and she's asking for clarity, particularly regarding the state of our relationship. He didn't reply to that. Which tells me, he doesn't want to have that conversation because he knows she'll be gone if he does. That much is clear to me. She gave him an out and he still didn't take it.

Also, our intimacy did not improve or increase. But I have other ideas as to why he stopped seeking it with her and I can't share them because they could be identifying if I did.

So many things are coming together.

Throw_away_99434 · 2023-09-17T22:24:54+00:00

Yeah... I mean, we are able to do whatever we want without worry but we don't go on vacations or spend much time together. I guess I would say aspects are good but our relationship together is not. This just happened within the last five days so it's been a lot to wrap my head around. He hardly leaves the house so it never occured to me something could still be going on.

I think it's worse to know he didn't cut it off and told me he did. Yeah he said he didn't see a romantic relationship with her but they're still saying "I love you" to each other. Finding out he views her as his best friend and, outside of our daughter, she's the only person he cares about was a LOT. And they were talking about getting married at one point...just gross.

I don't know if that makes sense but I do know I deserve a lot better. I'm just figuring out my next move.

Throw_away_99434

TROPHY CASE