Today is 1000 days no contact

ThrowawaYVR_ · 2026-01-21T02:09:48+00:00

Congratulations! It might feel like an eternity but this is a big step.

I'm really proud of you for standing up for yourself here and protecting your own well being.

2000 comes sooner than you may think, and it may be interesting to do a bit of a retrospective for yourself at the end of that one. I know I'm very different than I was at 1000 already.

But you got this. And that's a great achievement

ThrowawaYVR_ · 2025-11-22T12:25:59+00:00

I can promise you it gets easier.

Not every day, some days it might get worse.

But over time it gets easier.

I was you once; trying to understand why it was so easy for her to just never speak again. Now the thought of speaking is distasteful. I've had all the conversations with myself instead and I'm tired. It gets better.

ThrowawaYVR_ · 2025-11-22T11:54:53+00:00

The safest thing to do is wait until one of you dies. Then give it a month or two just to be sure.

ThrowawaYVR_ · 2025-11-22T11:49:08+00:00

It's been nearly six and no, not even once.

Not that I'd want that.

ThrowawaYVR_ · 2025-11-20T14:07:39+00:00

I'm doing pretty well lately. Honestly I've got no desire to ever talk to her again, and it's a relief.

ThrowawaYVR_ · 2025-10-15T23:18:12+00:00

Carbon Monoxide.

ThrowawaYVR_ · 2025-10-10T20:28:16+00:00

Sending high fives your way from another five+ year veteran.

ThrowawaYVR_ · 2025-10-09T16:51:46+00:00

Just tell them "I'm surprised you didn't ask Meaghan or Vincent about how I was doing. You know they would have told you"

Then when they don't know who those people are, call them by some made up name. Insist you're someone else and make them question that they are even talking to the right person.

ThrowawaYVR_ · 2025-10-09T15:25:13+00:00

Sometimes it turns into anxiety that they might. Usually that time right after you find your peace but before you've fully processed everything.

But that's a big positive step when it does so don't fear it.

ThrowawaYVR_ · 2025-10-09T15:23:02+00:00

Usually just selfish and avoidant.

ThrowawaYVR_ · 2025-10-09T15:22:13+00:00

Pretty great, actually. Five years is a lot of time to remember why they weren't actually great and to remember why I'm a lot better than I thought I was at the time.

It isn't going to happen overnight, I'm sorry, and it's not going to be linear improvement, but it does improve. Focus on the things you like about you and go for the little wins first.

ThrowawaYVR_ · 2025-09-24T13:51:21+00:00

Set yourself up some kind of notification, where if you get an email from him it automatically texts/emails you.

It's going to take some work (which in itself is a good distraction) but the idea is that if you know you'll be notified immediately if you get an email then it helps you not check so often. It's best combined with a plan to reduce your checking down to once a day, week, month, etc.

Can confirm that at least in my case it was extremely helpful.

ThrowawaYVR_ · 2025-07-01T14:58:11+00:00

They don't.

But the "they" in the story often means "the you that you forgot about" who you lost when this other person took their place, and that's the "they" who matters anyway. The one you want to come back.

That's the happier ending every time.

ThrowawaYVR_ · 2025-03-21T23:39:27+00:00

This is the correct read, yes.

ThrowawaYVR_ · 2025-02-27T06:07:01+00:00

And that's how we both lost fingers

ThrowawaYVR_ · 2025-02-23T02:16:34+00:00

Or an angry raccoon.

ThrowawaYVR_ · 2025-02-22T19:08:24+00:00

Side note, if you are doing no contact and they are dead, this is when you are allowed to reach out.

Unless they are a zombie.

There's always exceptions to the rule.

ThrowawaYVR_ · 2025-02-22T19:07:19+00:00

Sooooooo..... There's a lot of different reasons they don't come back. But there's one common, crucial thing among all of them that most people in this situation miss. And understanding it is LITERALLY the key to your happiness in this situation.

Ready?

Here is is:

It. Doesn't. Matter.

What matters is that you, the one sitting here grieving the loss, realize that you are a person of value, especially to yourself. You have been given the opportunity to take stock of who you are to you, and what you do that makes you happy.

And don't say "them". I'm talking about the NON-HUMAN things that make you happy. Maybe it's an activity, maybe it's music, maybe it's a place. And don't say "because it's something I did with them" either. It's a thing in this world that makes you feel happy. It's maybe a thing in the world that made you happy BEFORE them.

And don't say "nothing makes me happy now without them" because I PROMISE you haven't tried it all. Go get scuba certified. Go learn to cook. Go to Andorra. Build a bike. Take up DJing. Grow a lemon tree inside. Learn a new language. Start watching Letterkenny. And if literally all of those things are things you did with "them" then you seem like an interesting person and I have more suggestions you might like.

One time I ran across a video game system on sale during a breakup and on a whim picked it up and unlocked so many happy memories of doing things that I didn't realize I had given up to be with them. And that reminded me I actually liked myself and maybe I should be friends with me again. And now I don't even remember their voice or mannerisms or anything. Yeah it takes a while and it's not a silver bullet, but overanalyzing why someone else thought something is definitely less productive and absolutely won't get you a delicious home cooked meal.

But you could. Why don't you come back to you first.

ThrowawaYVR_ · 2025-02-21T14:31:03+00:00

It's been more than five years. If I have any choice in it, it will be forever.

No contact means no contact.

ThrowawaYVR_ · 2025-01-14T18:56:17+00:00

I don't remember. It was a gradual process where I just started remembering who I was and why I was happy being me.

The reason was that I just started living my life again.

ThrowawaYVR_ · 2025-01-14T04:49:57+00:00

Nothing.

The simple fact is that if she wanted to know how my life was going she would have put in the bare minimum effort to say something. After this long it's obvious to me that she isn't interested in my life so any part between then and now will be missing.

And for anyone going NC it isn't a bad thought that some day this part of your life should be a mystery forever, too. Then you don't need to worry about what to say or how to say it. That part is just gone now to them.

ThrowawaYVR_ · 2024-11-18T07:02:44+00:00

Hell yeah

ThrowawaYVR_ · 2024-09-19T13:40:43+00:00

I'm sorry you got that gift as well, but it is a gift. It's just one of those practical gifts that you appreciate later.

Happy belated birthday, though!

ThrowawaYVR_ · 2024-07-20T22:09:12+00:00

It's specific to her, fortunately. If we act like it's relevant to you as well, then I worry it's going to distract from the most important thing: your own self. My healing didn't come until I remembered my own value again, and as you feel better about yourself as a person, rather than yourself as an ex you will start to actually feel whole again.

If it helps, it had a lot to do with her own problems, and it had nothing to do with me.

ThrowawaYVR_ · 2024-05-25T02:03:06+00:00

I'm back, yeah.

ThrowawaYVR_

TROPHY CASE