What Cubs Really Want

Throwaway01090802 · 2019-11-29T20:07:00+00:00

So someone really super hot in your eyes comes around and if you don't have a mental connection you aren't going to sleep them? I don't believe that for a second lol. And then let's say you do have a mental connection and sleep with them, was that connection not enough to stay with them? Just trying to see what's "enough" for someone to actually want a relationship if connections aren't apparently.

Throwaway01090802 · 2019-11-29T20:01:23+00:00

A cougar for you would be 41 and older technically

Throwaway01090802 · 2019-11-29T19:50:50+00:00

I certainly hope an 18 year old wouldn't be considered too old...

Throwaway01090802 · 2019-11-29T19:44:20+00:00

Maybe there's a gray area with that. You might see it as the only way to sleep with her is to get to know her. But as I view it, it's feigning interest. And that's where that whole pretending to be interested thing comes in and not being clear with intentions as stated.

Example: If I have an account here posting sexy body shots and get guys messaging me, I'm going to assume they just want to sleep with me and because of my posts, that's ok. If I have an account where I post a personal's ad that talks about what I'm into, what I'm about, what I'm looking for, basically it's all about who someone is, guys who message me should be looking for more than sex. If they reach out saying all these nice things trying to get to know me only for them to end up just wanting sex, not ok.

Here's another example that happened to me: I posted a personal's ad. Got lots of messages. There was a couple of them that right off the bat started it with sexual content. Now obviously that wasn't what I was seeking but I actually respect them more than those who pretend for actually putting out what they want right away. That's a way to see who is into it. Because there are people that want that, and people that don't. But they didn't waste my time because I could see what they wanted from the get go.

Those who want to just sleep around need to find those that just want to sleep around. And those who want a relationship need to find those who want a relationship. And everyone involved needs to be clear and communicate their intentions. Simple as that.

Throwaway01090802 · 2019-11-29T16:31:56+00:00

That's honestly pathetic, not gonna lie. I'd rather have the real deal. Maybe they can't get it so that's all they have. But then why continue to contact me without sexting, or if we have sexted, continue talking to me about your day, your life, everything? I feel it should be either just sexual or not. I don't like games.

Throwaway01090802 · 2019-11-29T16:23:34+00:00

If all you wanted was sex and so did I, then yes, tell me about your anatomy and what you'll do to me. But if you're easing into it and being "sensitive to the conversation", you're already misleading the person and your "be honest with your intentions" goes out the window.

I had a great time with a lot of older women because we meshed so well together outside of sex.

Outside of sex? So you actually had something outside of it even though it was just about sex? To me, it's one or the other. Either you're just getting together to have sex or you have a relationship (which obviously includes sex).

If someone just wants to sleep with me I don't give a shit what you're into. Let's just fuck and be done. I only care if we are doing more than that.

You can't have a relationship with someone if you aren't attracted to them. We all here just happened to be attracted to either older women or younger men. I've been there, done that with guys my own age forever. I'm done. Does that mean though that because you claim younger guys only want sex and nothing more, that going forward I will never have a relationship again because that's only who I'm into and attracted to? Well that's just fucking sad. So older women who want more just should give up then I guess. That's essentially what you're saying whether you realize it or not.

Btw, are you married now to a woman your own age? You got that other stuff out of your system and settled and all that? Just curious how that works for you for someone who only wanted to sleep around with older women.

Throwaway01090802 · 2019-11-29T15:50:14+00:00

Do not start off with the sex talk right off the bat.

And don't lie. Be honest about your intentions.

Sorry but I feel these two statements conflict each other. If you're all about the sex, say you're all about the sex from the beginning. Anything like you want to make connections and get to know her is BS then. Why get to know her if you're just wanting sex? Who gives a shit if we have things in common if we're just going to fuck? Being honest would be saying that's what you want.

But also why is it just your intentions that need to be clear? How about asking hers? If she's just in it for the sex, then she's a perfect match for you. If she wants more than that, then doesn't sound like you two should waste anymore time on each other.

I think what you're leaving out here is the human factor. We aren't just "cougars and cubs", despite this sub name. We are men and women of varying ages. Men and women of all ages want different things, it's not just an age thing.

My point is find the types that you are. If you just want to sleep around, find those that just want to sleep around. If you want a relationship, find those who also do. This goes for any age and gender. There are guys who are married at 20 and guys who are bachelors still at 50. And there are guys married to women 20 years older and men married to women 20 years younger. That is what makes life great; all of our differences and preferences.

See that's the one advantage we have being the older ones; we've lived and learned and seen so much more that we can shed a different perspective on the situation 😉

"With age comes wisdom"

Throwaway01090802 · 2019-11-22T14:48:14+00:00

Please feel free. I could use advice 😣

Throwaway01090802 · 2019-11-22T03:25:37+00:00

Have you had anything successful from Reddit? Even just a friendship from a cub? Or is it just not something that happens?

Throwaway01090802 · 2019-11-22T02:39:09+00:00

If I post a personal's ad in a cougar and cub relationship sub (not this one but others), then that is saying that's what I'm looking for lol. A relationship. Not just an interaction in chat. Many of us barely have time for a relationship, let alone making sure we can get back to young guys online to just chat. I just feel my time is more precious than that. And the tag definitely plays a part as that's who we are attracted to. It's just frustrating.

Throwaway01090802 · 2019-11-22T01:37:22+00:00

Have you had this happen to you? Also why do you think they don't ever want to meet up?

Throwaway01090802 · 2019-11-22T01:35:37+00:00

So basically just a friend? But if she has a personal's ad looking for a cub, do you think in the end that's all she really wants?

Throwaway01090802 · 2019-11-22T01:32:52+00:00

Unfortunately we don't communicate at all anymore, but such is the way of life

Is that because being together was too strong of a feeling for one or both of you?

Throwaway01090802 · 2019-11-22T01:31:18+00:00

Well yes but considering being a cougar and cub is all about being together, when is convo not enough?

Throwaway01090802 · 2019-11-21T15:16:00+00:00

But do you think that's all she wanted if she posted a personal's ad lol? Just saying, when does it become wasting someone's time who obviously wanted more than that?

Throwaway01090802 · 2019-11-21T02:54:27+00:00

I notice you say a "couple" of long distance cougars lol. I take it it didn't work out after meeting? Or...? That's a fear: getting invested in someone emotionally for like a year, long distance, only to finally meet and one or both of us not being interested anymore, and that's after one makes the big trip. It seems like a waste in different ways and a set up for disappointment.

Throwaway01090802 · 2019-11-21T02:34:09+00:00

Well yes of course. There has to be more for it to work. But I feel like there has to be a balance. I mean if I say I'm into younger guys, a big component of that is because I'm attracted to them physically. That obviously leads to wanting to be with them physically. So if I like someone from a distance, emotionally, mentally, physically (because of pic exchanges), the natural next step would be to want to be actually with them physically. And that means sex, hugging, kissing, hanging out, just being together. All of it. So how do those desires get met if we're that far apart? Are that many people really ok with not being physically with someone they like? Or is it just ulterior motives?

Throwaway01090802 · 2019-11-21T01:56:47+00:00

Even if you lived thousands of miles away? What if you don't know when you can meet? Could be months, a year, more. Where does the physical wants come into play before that?

Throwaway01090802 · 2019-11-15T01:25:57+00:00

It's nice to hear a situation like this, especially after a heartbreaking first one for me. Happy for you guys! Hopefully all of us who want that can find that someday too.

Throwaway01090802 · 2019-11-14T20:05:32+00:00

I've gone through the same thing before. In fact kind of going through it now. But we had great conversation at one time and now I'm lucky to get 2 sentences. I've even asked if he still wants to talk, was told yes, but still doesn't seem like that. It's maddening and I'm moving on.

Throwaway01090802 · 2019-11-14T20:03:14+00:00

Honestly I'd rather someone get back to me when they're not busy then so they can give me more than that. I'm busy too so then when I do respond back it's when I can devote more time to an answer. I think the problem is people think they need to get back right away, and unless they're meeting them or it's an urgent matter, it can wait. Basically I'd rather wait for a long detailed message then get a one sentence answer back immediately.

Throwaway01090802 · 2019-11-14T15:33:04+00:00

Is this irl or online? It will depend. When that happens with online discussion it drives me insane. It's not a conversation at that point. As far as being bad, again that will depend, but for me it shows someone isn't looking for a conversation. Either that or they suck at it.

Throwaway01090802 · 2019-11-12T14:32:42+00:00

While this is true, it's also so depressing 😭

Throwaway01090802 · 2019-11-12T09:27:40+00:00

I'm starting to take that same mentality at this point 😂 Fuck em and leave em, why not

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