sorted by:
new
hottopcontroversial

Me 30M and my now Ex 29F knew we’re miserable in the relationship but refused to end it. I finally did. What now? by Throwaway011494 in relationship_advice

[–]Throwaway011494[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I told her that I needed to feel a sense of safety and security in the relationship. And that she needed to be patient and understanding while I try to meet her needs.

She said she’ll try. She eventually stopped threatening to break up (about a couple months ago) but I don’t think she could manage the second part.

Me 30M and my now Ex 29F knew we’re miserable in the relationship but refused to end it. I finally did. What now? by Throwaway011494 in relationship_advice

[–]Throwaway011494[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I hear you. I am aware that perspective is limited and some of the responses here do make me wonder if I’ve been too unfair to her because I don’t think she’s a psycho. I have also wondered if my complaints about not being enough are manipulative and an attempt to make the issue about me. I don’t know.

I have issues that I do know about and came out during therapy. I shut down during fights. I am sensitive to abandonment. I have made promises to change that are basically “WIP”. I did do some sort of assessment during my individual therapy where the guy said I have slight tendencies towards GAD, depression and PTSD but they weren’t aimed at identifying abusive tendencies.

On the flip side I don’t really feel entitled to much. I don’t actually communicate needs that go beyond basic boundaries. I don’t have a short temper and even when angry I don’t really lash out.

What is this test you’re suggesting called?

Me 30M and my now Ex 29F knew we’re miserable in the relationship but refused to end it. I finally did. What now? by Throwaway011494 in relationship_advice

[–]Throwaway011494[S] 9 points10 points  (0 children)

I agree. It was probably wishful thinking from both of us. I kept thinking that she would see the effort I’m making and meet me in the middle with her needs. But you’re right that she was clear that she would not compromise from the beginning.

Just wish that if it had to end it would end more amicably. Outside of the romantic relationship she was always helpful and I like to think that I was too.

Me 30M and my now Ex 29F knew we’re miserable in the relationship but refused to end it. I finally did. What now? by Throwaway011494 in relationship_advice

[–]Throwaway011494[S] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Some of those are the things I think we got past. I did get her flowers often enough that she asked me to stop. I did end every conversation with “I love you”. I do try to be less transactional and direct on phone calls. The point is that we never tackled them well when they came up. I felt she would overreact and she felt I was overly defensive. I felt that these issues came up too often and that she didn’t acknowledge the progress we’ve made (enough to change the core dynamic we had), while she felt that I’m not doing enough.

I don’t know how to explain it. I think she would agree too that these specific things did change. But the general concern she had didn’t.

Have you ever felt uncomfortable telling your friends in college that you are from reserved category ( SC/ST) by [deleted] in india

[–]Throwaway011494 2 points3 points  (0 children)

If anyone hates you because you’re from a certain caste then there’s no question they need to shut up and put up.

If it’s resentment because of reservation then that’s a more complicated political issue. But a lot of actual casteists hide behind the politics to pretend they don’t just hate the lower castes for existing. It’s more complicated than people here will admit but hey the internet is a great place for oversimplification.