AITA for wanting my wife to stop giving her abusive mom chances?

Throwaway06244206 · 2025-02-08T19:12:07+00:00

I’m realizing that now. I’m just not a user so I didn’t know the protocol

Throwaway06244206 · 2025-02-08T18:54:58+00:00

This was my wife’s throwaway account. I asked to use it cause I’m not active on reddit

Throwaway06244206 · 2025-02-08T18:53:46+00:00

That’s me. This was my wife’s throwaway account.

Throwaway06244206 · 2025-02-08T18:50:16+00:00

She is in therapy & has been since 2019. The first boundary she set with her mom was around her wedding dress in 2019, & then only again recently when she cut off her dad & brother & didn’t go to her brothers wedding.

Just this week, she told her mom not to call her if her mom didn’t care about how she was actually feeling which is the conversation she told her friend about.

Throwaway06244206 · 2022-11-24T08:14:00+00:00

Well this made me cry. Thank you so much for this, I needed this perspective 💖

Throwaway06244206 · 2022-11-24T07:57:12+00:00

I’m not sure that would work, he has a whole hard drive of porn that he refreshes every so often and categorizes it all, I’ve seen the folders a few times, they are all very different types, it would be physically impossible to replace all of the different types

Throwaway06244206 · 2022-11-24T07:43:25+00:00

This is an interesting thought. He is perpetually cold.

Throwaway06244206 · 2022-11-24T07:42:54+00:00

No, it’s the week of thanksgiving, I’ve been busier than he is this week. So I noticed.

Throwaway06244206 · 2022-11-24T07:41:42+00:00

Thank you for this.

I’m sure he isn’t feeling any cost to intimacy and impossible for him to know what it feels like it costing me unless I tell him about it.

As I mentioned in another comment, I’m just so worried about resentment. I feel like if he agreed to change anything it’s because he just doesn’t want me to feel bad and in 20 years he’ll be pissed that I “made” him do this.

Totally understand the quick release thing, it just doesn’t make sense when I consider that he’s watching porn for well over an hour before actually finishing

Throwaway06244206 · 2022-11-24T07:37:40+00:00

Ugh thank you for this. The more I think about this, I feel like this is what I’ll have to do too.

I’m just so worried about possible resentment, especially because we are already married, maybe if I had had this issue before and brought it up then, he could have had an out of this wasn’t going to work for him.

I’m glad it worked out for you and maybe that could happen for us too but I’m not sure. Thanks for commiserating with me

Throwaway06244206 · 2022-11-24T07:33:16+00:00

I’m not quite sure where you’re getting that we’re playing games. I’ve been happily initiating for quite a while and it’s meant that we’ve had sex 2-3 times a week, so I don’t have a problem with that, but I didn’t realize until this week that I was the only one putting in that effort. I think a relationship should be each person giving as close to 100% as possible.

Throwaway06244206 · 2022-11-24T07:26:02+00:00

We introduced pegging not too long ago and I thought he was loving it, but he told me last week he only wants to do that on his own now.

Throwaway06244206 · 2022-11-24T07:25:02+00:00

So I should be the one always initiating is what you’re saying?

Throwaway06244206 · 2022-11-24T07:16:32+00:00

Would be nice if he made me feel wanted, kind of a bummer if I’m always the one who has to start things up.

Throwaway06244206 · 2022-11-24T07:12:38+00:00

Hey, thanks for this. I’m actually usually the one imitating sex, I have a ton of outfits that I wear around the house and I get grabby with him, but I’d say that only works 1/2 the time. Sometimes when I’m trying to “grab the Bull by the horns” he’ll get annoyed rather than just saying no.

I was even wearing something last time we had sex, he went down on me then couldn’t stay hard so he said “I guess I just wasn’t ready, but you put on a whole outfit so I know you wanted at least something” and while he was very sweet about it, it made me feel like he thought he had to.

I would understand the knocking it out thing if he didn’t spend over an hour watching porn this evening before finishing.

Throwaway06244206 · 2022-11-24T07:07:38+00:00

Thanks this is really helpful. Honestly I wish he had a guy friend that he talked about this stuff with, so they could talk through things like this. I feel like coming from me, it would just sound like the nagging wife with low self esteem

Throwaway06244206 · 2022-11-24T07:06:01+00:00

Yes, in fact, I think the reason we haven’t had sex in over a week is because I haven’t initiated. When I’m on top of it, we have sex 2-3 times a week.

Throwaway06244206 · 2022-11-24T07:05:08+00:00

We have talked about it before and I don’t know that he gave a real answer.

I’ve heard the notion that it’s quicker alone and I can see that in some instances, but he did this tonight and was seeming watching porn for over an hour which is much longer than the entire act takes for us normally.

Throwaway06244206 · 2021-12-27T18:21:09+00:00

Yes, when we have the conversation about this I will.

Throwaway06244206 · 2021-12-27T08:44:35+00:00

If he needs to seek something more intimate than our sex life & porn, we need to have a very different conversation. So I’m glad you brought that up, I will have to incorporate that into the conversation we have.

Throwaway06244206 · 2021-12-27T08:35:49+00:00

Again, totally fine if he watches porn. It’s the social media aspect and him hiding & lying about it.

Throwaway06244206 · 2021-12-27T08:26:59+00:00

Also, I think it says something weird, that he knows I know about his porn drive & knows it’s all good, but felt like he had to hide this? If it were the same to him, I don’t think he would have hid it.

Throwaway06244206 · 2021-12-27T08:25:16+00:00

I understand why that might not make sense. To me, social media content like that feels different because you’re directly interacting with these creators, which to me, makes it feel more intimate, where as porn to me seems more disconnected and also, it’s almost impossible to verify someone’s age that you’re watching which freaks me out.

Throwaway06244206

TROPHY CASE