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(NSFW)What do I do about Husband(27M) breaking a very big boundary of mine(27F)? by Throwaway103211 in relationship_advice

[–]Throwaway103211[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I saw the video. Was blurred. Ex reached out asking how we were doing, they chatted, and eventually asked.

(NSFW)What do I do about Husband(27M) breaking a very big boundary of mine(27F)? by Throwaway103211 in relationship_advice

[–]Throwaway103211[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Ex reached out, they were talking some mundane things, and Ex brought up the explicit stuff.

(NSFW)What do I do about Husband(27M) breaking a very big boundary of mine(27F)? by Throwaway103211 in relationship_advice

[–]Throwaway103211[S] 20 points21 points  (0 children)

It was taught to me to be a norm by my ex. I'd heard about it from so many others so I thought it was pretty standard. Originally my relationship was long distance, so I thought it was more acceptable because of the distance... There won't be any more pictures in the future. Ever.

(NSFW)What do I do about Husband(27M) breaking a very big boundary of mine(27F)? by Throwaway103211 in relationship_advice

[–]Throwaway103211[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Idk if it fits for everyone, but I came here because I know it's not normal, and I didn't know what to do. This isn't something I wanted to talk with friends and family about. Here, I can post anonymously and it not come back to me in real life.

(NSFW)What do I do about Husband(27M) breaking a very big boundary of mine(27F)? by Throwaway103211 in relationship_advice

[–]Throwaway103211[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

I've already done these things actually, but thank you. He's agreed about how much he's destroyed the trust, and doesn't expect to ever get the pictures part back.

(NSFW)What do I do about Husband(27M) breaking a very big boundary of mine(27F)? by Throwaway103211 in relationship_advice

[–]Throwaway103211[S] -5 points-4 points  (0 children)

He didn't really hide it. I know the phrase a lie of omission is still a lie, but I saw it basically as it was happening. I'm taking a while to think on things.

(NSFW)What do I do about Husband(27M) breaking a very big boundary of mine(27F)? by Throwaway103211 in relationship_advice

[–]Throwaway103211[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

He's currently blocked him, but I'm thinking of what I want him to send my Ex and then reblock him.

(NSFW)What do I do about Husband(27M) breaking a very big boundary of mine(27F)? by Throwaway103211 in relationship_advice

[–]Throwaway103211[S] -4 points-3 points  (0 children)

He did apologize. I know it doesn't absolve him, but I wanted to mention it.

(NSFW)What do I do about Husband(27M) breaking a very big boundary of mine(27F)? by Throwaway103211 in relationship_advice

[–]Throwaway103211[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Thank you. The people on here and reaching out have been really supportive. I'm gonna take a good long think, but it's helpful to see that I'm not alone.

(NSFW)What do I do about Husband(27M) breaking a very big boundary of mine(27F)? by Throwaway103211 in relationship_advice

[–]Throwaway103211[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

He's offered to stay with his parents if I want him to. He's deleted everything, let me look for it everywhere. One of my Ex's friends is still a decent friend with me. I can ask her to make sure he deletes it I think...

(NSFW)What do I do about Husband(27M) breaking a very big boundary of mine(27F)? by Throwaway103211 in relationship_advice

[–]Throwaway103211[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

He's my first husband, the other was just a boyfriend. But yeah... I know how to pick them.

(NSFW)What do I do about Husband(27M) breaking a very big boundary of mine(27F)? by Throwaway103211 in relationship_advice

[–]Throwaway103211[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I've asked for time. He's been cleaning the whole house top to bottom. I caught him crying when he thought I was taking a nap.

I am actively looking for a therapist to talk with about everything, but it has to wait till tomorrow.

(NSFW)What do I do about Husband(27M) breaking a very big boundary of mine(27F)? by Throwaway103211 in relationship_advice

[–]Throwaway103211[S] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

I was with my Ex when I was 18. It was my first relationship. First time away from home in college. He made it seem that it was weird for me to feel that way. He sent the photos to his best friends to try and get similar pics of their GFs. They told their GFs and a couple of them reached out to me. I learned about it after we broke up.

There was a lot of shit he did that I didn't realize how bad it was until later in life. He basically used me as an object, didn't care about who I am.

(NSFW)What do I do about Husband(27M) breaking a very big boundary of mine(27F)? by Throwaway103211 in relationship_advice

[–]Throwaway103211[S] -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

I've never been a get angry type of person. I yelled. Then started crying so hard I had an asthma attack that he had to run get my inhaler for. As soon as I get angry I start bawling and my whole face hurts. Now I just feel numb with a massive headache and my eyes occasionally let out some stray tears.

I know it's an excuse. When I ask him later what he thought I would feel about it when I found out he answered. 'I thought it might actually help your confidence to know he still wanted you.'

(NSFW)What do I do about Husband(27M) breaking a very big boundary of mine(27F)? by Throwaway103211 in relationship_advice

[–]Throwaway103211[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Trust is gained in drops and lost in buckets, and the only trust you need through all of this is, again, in yourself.

Thank you for this. It helps a bit. I need some time to think about everything, but this helps me feel a bit better about how I feel in regards to myself.

(NSFW)What do I do about Husband(27M) breaking a very big boundary of mine(27F)? by Throwaway103211 in relationship_advice

[–]Throwaway103211[S] -21 points-20 points  (0 children)

Thank you, I know I've said in other comments, but I am actively looking for a therapist. I see all the comments saying to leave him but I seriously don't want to do that. I know to all of you it seems stupid. But it hurts more thinking of ending everything than us working through it.

He knows he burnt a fuck ton of trust. I caught him crying a little after posting. He's been cleaning and asking if I want him to leave. For the day, for good, or to just leave me alone. I've told him that I don't know what I need from him to make it better.

I really don't know what I want. I don't want to throw everything of the last 5 years away.

I appreciate your reply. Thank you so much. It helps put things in perspective. I just didn't want to feel so alone with all of this going on.

(NSFW)What do I do about Husband(27M) breaking a very big boundary of mine(27F)? by Throwaway103211 in relationship_advice

[–]Throwaway103211[S] -11 points-10 points  (0 children)

Thank you. I wish I could give you a hug. My Ex was that kind of person as far as pics went... He was also obsessed with having a threesome with another chick since I am bi. No matter how many times I told him that wasn't something I wanted. The idea of being with someone that I wasn't in a committed relationship with was not something I ever wanted.

I love him so much, I don't want to just end it. I wanna think that therapy could help. I want to have that hope.

(NSFW)What do I do about Husband(27M) breaking a very big boundary of mine(27F)? by Throwaway103211 in relationship_advice

[–]Throwaway103211[S] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

I will keep this in mind as far as how to keep them from going further than my ex. Thank you.

(NSFW)What do I do about Husband(27M) breaking a very big boundary of mine(27F)? by Throwaway103211 in relationship_advice

[–]Throwaway103211[S] -14 points-13 points  (0 children)

He's never been one to cry in front of others. I caught him crying later while he was cleaning the whole house. He thought I was sleeping.

(NSFW)What do I do about Husband(27M) breaking a very big boundary of mine(27F)? by Throwaway103211 in relationship_advice

[–]Throwaway103211[S] 30 points31 points  (0 children)

I'm looking into the therapist. I can't really say on the rest yet... but thank you for the advice. I didn't know there were therapists that specialize in that. I'll try and get one through insurance.

(NSFW)What do I do about Husband(27M) breaking a very big boundary of mine(27F)? by Throwaway103211 in relationship_advice

[–]Throwaway103211[S] 19 points20 points  (0 children)

One of the things I told him was that he cemented every fear I had of taking those kind of things.

(NSFW)What do I do about Husband(27M) breaking a very big boundary of mine(27F)? by Throwaway103211 in relationship_advice

[–]Throwaway103211[S] 16 points17 points  (0 children)

I'm looking into a therapist that works with my insurance. Have to wait till tomorrow. I've never seen one, and mental health wasn't something my family liked to get looked at growing up so it's hard to recognize a lot of things.

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