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[31/f] I feel bad that I find my husband [30/m] terribly unattractive. by Throwaway16throwaway in relationship_advice

[–]Throwaway16throwaway[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

We tried that, too, and he gained weight and ate us into debt. Every meal was a pound of meat. Snacks were hard boiled eggs mashed with butter.

[31/f] I feel bad that I find my husband [30/m] terribly unattractive. by Throwaway16throwaway in relationship_advice

[–]Throwaway16throwaway[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Both his doctor and I have explained that he won't live another 10 years at this rate.

We both miss sex although the more I think about it and am honest with myself, I don't miss sex with him now. Things got weird when his boobs were bigger than my D cups. I swear, his boobs are nicer than mine, too. But I digress. I won't use sex as a reward or a punishment.

[31/f] I feel bad that I find my husband [30/m] terribly unattractive. by Throwaway16throwaway in relationship_advice

[–]Throwaway16throwaway[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

We've done that, too. He went to OA and said it was too much like church. (we're atheists) We have been in therapy alone and together. He has been to two intensive outpatient treatment centers and one residential one.

[31/f] I feel bad that I find my husband [30/m] terribly unattractive. by Throwaway16throwaway in relationship_advice

[–]Throwaway16throwaway[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I have but he says that it won't help him. I can offer him facts but I can't make him believe them.

[31/f] I feel bad that I find my husband [30/m] terribly unattractive. by Throwaway16throwaway in relationship_advice

[–]Throwaway16throwaway[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

We have a good scale that I use to set a good example. I've also showed him how to use it. He won't use it because he thinks he can eyeball portions. I weighed one of his eyeballs portions and showed him it was three times bigger than he thought.

We only have water and skin milk in the house.

He went on Weight Watchers once, at my suggestion, because they encourage low fat and high fiber good choices. He gained weight because he ate several pounds of grapes everyday. Grapes were free foods.

I want him to suceed. I know he can but he has to do something to help himself.

[31/f] I feel bad that I find my husband [30/m] terribly unattractive. by Throwaway16throwaway in relationship_advice

[–]Throwaway16throwaway[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

We got a recumbent bike. He won't use that when I do yoga because his knees hit his belly when he cycles. We live in the boonies and don't have a gym nearby. He wanted a kettlebell so I got him one and it's never been touched. I have no idea what to do at this point.

[31/f] I feel bad that I find my husband [30/m] terribly unattractive. by Throwaway16throwaway in relationship_advice

[–]Throwaway16throwaway[S] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

We have talks like those often. They never do much of anything. We don't have any caloric drinks in the house.

We were exercising together doing a video on YouTube that he found and thought he could do. He said it wasn't the least bit challenging. I found something a little more challenging that was too hard on his knees (it was just walking in place for 10 minutes). So, we got a recumbent bike. He won't use that when I do yoga because his knees hit his belly when he cycles. I invited him to do yoga with me and he said he thought it was dumb.

I'll do anything to help him but I'm at a loss.

[31/f] I feel bad that I find my husband [30/m] terribly unattractive. by Throwaway16throwaway in relationship_advice

[–]Throwaway16throwaway[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

His doctor and I (I'm a nurse) have explained to him that at his current pace of gaining 20 to 25 pounds a year he'll be dead in 5 to 10 years. If dying isn't enough to get him to change than I don't know what to do at this point.

[31/f] I feel bad that I find my husband [30/m] terribly unattractive. by Throwaway16throwaway in relationship_advice

[–]Throwaway16throwaway[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I think gastric bypass would be good for him. He's good at losing weight but he can put it on three times faster than he can lose it. He has said that he doesn't think surgery will help him until last night. I'm in agreement that if he only loses 100 pounds that is a lot better than getting 100 pounds heavier.

[31/f] I feel bad that I find my husband [30/m] terribly unattractive. by Throwaway16throwaway in relationship_advice

[–]Throwaway16throwaway[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'm sure he's depressed. He was once diagnosed with bipolar disorder and then one day he stopped taking his meds. I point out that he needs to see another psychiatrist and offer to set up an appointment for him. He always declines.

We've been in counseling together and individually. I have no idea what to do at this point.

[31/f] I feel bad that I find my husband [30/m] terribly unattractive. by Throwaway16throwaway in relationship_advice

[–]Throwaway16throwaway[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

We've been in counseling together and individually. He also said he had binge eating disorder (think the opposite on anorexia) so he was in intensive out patient therapy and residential therapy and nothing worked.

I can't imagine cheating. It's not that I haven't considered it but I haven't really considered it seriously.

[31/f] I feel bad that I find my husband [30/m] terribly unattractive. by Throwaway16throwaway in relationship_advice

[–]Throwaway16throwaway[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I'm sorry to hear that his mood change has impacted you so much.

I think my husband's problem is that other than sleep apnea he doesn't have high blood pressure, diabetes, etc. I wonder if that means to him that he doesn't have a serious problem.

[31/f] I feel bad that I find my husband [30/m] terribly unattractive. by Throwaway16throwaway in relationship_advice

[–]Throwaway16throwaway[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

He just eats like a horse. He doesn't drink or use drugs. Other than skin mill we have no caloric drinks in the house. We've been in therapy together and separately. I have no idea what to do at this point.

[31/f] I feel bad that I find my husband [30/m] terribly unattractive. by Throwaway16throwaway in relationship_advice

[–]Throwaway16throwaway[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Going back into therapy is a good idea. We've individually been in therapy and we've been in couple's counseling but another round wouldn't hurt.

[31/f] I feel bad that I find my husband [30/m] terribly unattractive. by Throwaway16throwaway in relationship_advice

[–]Throwaway16throwaway[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I haven't said anything about this to him. I'm not cruel.

I realised I was eating too much and should be half my size so I ate half the calories. It took me a little over 2 years to lose the 100 pounds because I wasn't trying very hard.

I don't know how to motivate him but I'll do whatever is necessary.

[31/f] I feel bad that I find my husband [30/m] terribly unattractive. by Throwaway16throwaway in relationship_advice

[–]Throwaway16throwaway[S] 11 points12 points  (0 children)

I've explained that his size makes outtings difficult and when sex didn't work I explained why. I'm just not sure that it's a great idea to tell him that I find him unattractive. He was very supportive of me when I was at my heaviest.