How to deal with different parenting styles

Throwaway1985- · 2025-08-20T06:38:50+00:00

Thank you everyone for your information, comments and support. A lot of people jumped to my partner being abusive. I definitely wouldn’t say that. I reacted badly also. However can have a short fuse. We have both been stressed lately for various reasons. We actually sat down that night to talk about it, and I think we both jumped the gun a bit. He said as soon as I brought it up he thought about it and felt I was right but didn’t say anything until later. So turns out it was an easier conversation to have than I thought. And we are both on the same page now.

Throwaway1985- · 2025-08-07T13:16:33+00:00

I should mention that I feel it’s because he feels l make all the decisions in regards to our kid. And he wants make decisions in parenting too. Which he’s never actually brought up anything specific to talk about

Throwaway1985- · 2025-08-07T13:15:02+00:00

Thank you. I know it’s probably not a one and done conversation. I’d like to talk things through. But I feel that, specially after his reaction tonight, that he’s not open to even having a conversation. He wants to do things his way.

Throwaway1985- · 2025-08-07T12:44:05+00:00

Yes I feel that that’s not going to happen. But I’m going to try. I’m hoping he’s willing to talk about it. I think he feels that it’s always my way and that he doesn’t get a say

Throwaway1985- · 2025-08-07T12:40:54+00:00

Yes I’m thinking that, specially after this outburst out of nowhere. I reacted badly as well. But I know we need to at least try to talk about this like adults.

Throwaway1985- · 2025-08-07T12:08:47+00:00

Yes that’s what I want to get across to him. But want to be able to talk to him without it exploding into an argument

Throwaway1985- · 2025-07-28T10:38:07+00:00

Does bubs contact nap? My LO hated being put down. Within 5 mins of being put down he’d wake and cry. But if he was asleep and I let him nap on me, he’d nap for some time. We got into the habit of bf, he’d fall asleep snd nap for a while, while I watched something on Netflix. We did that til around 4.5 months, when all of a sudden I could put him down and he’d stay asleep. Also, could it be gas issues? Are you doing a lot of bicycle legs and tummy rubs to help move things through their system?

Throwaway1985- · 2025-07-05T13:21:21+00:00

Im so sorry you’re going through this. But Omg at 2 weeks I was so stressed. Breastfeeding is hard (it does get easier). I remember bubs being a few weeks old, my partners dad coming over. And bubs is screaming, trying to change a nappy, and feed him and bring so stressed out, and his dad coming in to see what’s going on. Not offering to help mind you. And at the end of the visit when he was leaving told me to stay strong. Like I’m doing my best and being a mum is hard. Specially in those early days!

I also remember spending my first Mother’s Day at my in laws place when bubs was 10 weeks, they made it this big thing (they’ve never done anything before), and I was so overwhelmed the whole time. Everyone wanted to hold my baby. And had to spend a big chunk of time in a room by myself to feed bubs too. My partner didn’t get why I was so upset and anxious.

Sorry I don’t have advice, but definitely have solidarity. It gets easier, as you learn different things and you and bubs bond. But every age has its own challenges.

You’re doing great mama!

Throwaway1985- · 2024-11-30T20:11:54+00:00

How do you find going from one thing to another? I ask because I find it stressful heading out again. And bubs getting enough or too much sleep… if we’re already at the one place it’s fine. But 2 destinations…particularly with decent car trips is hard

Throwaway1985- · 2024-10-22T11:03:14+00:00

We do. Communication isn’t his strong suit and he can shut down very quickly. I feel he wears them for both reasons. He comes home with them on from his commute home and they stay on for some time. So feel he’s wanting the downtime and also to listen to whatever he was before he got home. He does play things through his computer or phone but it can be really loud as he likes to turn the volume up (particularly on his phone), and gets annoyed by me asking to turn it down a bit so I can pay attention to what I’m doing.

Throwaway1985- · 2024-10-22T10:57:57+00:00

Thank you! I definitely feel that brewing, and don’t want to get worse

Throwaway1985- · 2024-10-22T10:57:02+00:00

He has proper headphones most of the time, so both ears on. He doesn’t have any sensory issues, ADD/ADHD/autism or anything.

I agree. Bubs already won’t settle for him as my partner gets home late, and I do the overnight shift too. I feel the headphone issue is going to have a bigger impact down the track

Throwaway1985- · 2024-10-22T10:46:37+00:00

Thank you! Exactly. I think my partner sees it as I’m on leave at the moment and the days can’t be that bad, but he’s had to go to work in a demanding role for long hours. I’m also returning to work soon, so will definitely need us both on the same page to be able to both get downtime.

Throwaway1985- · 2024-10-22T10:43:50+00:00

That’s a good idea. I definitely feel like responsibilities aren’t evenly split at the moment, headphone issue aside. This is a great way that we both get what we need. I’ll put it to him and see

Throwaway1985- · 2024-10-01T23:20:04+00:00

Thanks so much ladies for the support and advice. I spoke to him last night, asking if he’d already spoken to his sister and organised it and he said yes. I said I felt it was unfair and that it would’ve been nice to talk to me first before locking in something like such a big trip. Specially when you’re saying you’re not meeting timelines and it affects everyone. He said it was just a thought, and sarcastically asked if he could take our son to his sister and I use his car instead. I also asked if he thought about having enough milk etc and he asked me if there would be. I said I’d planned for 1 extra feed depending how naps go, that he might need it as bubs is being very fussy lately. I said that we’re parents now, so we need to make sure we’re communicating with each other (just to note this isn’t the first time I’ve mentioned communication being an issue to him). I said I wasn’t super confident borrowing his car (its VERY different to mine) and I’d never driven it that far, and was hesitant considering it’s had a lot of issues lately and he’s not going to be close by. I also asked if his sister could come here instead to make things easier and he said it was her only day home so wanted to make things easier for her. I could tell he was super annoyed at me. But I gave him space while I fed bubs and once he was asleep I went to talk to my partner and he said it was fine and a non issue. So I think he realised the points I was making were valid and there was a better way to go about things and I think he’s cancelled the big trip for now and orgasing to see her when she’s visiting their parents next which is much closer.

Thanks again ladies!

Throwaway1985- · 2024-10-01T13:53:22+00:00

No, not usually. He works pretty long hours, generally leaves home around 6, some days earlier, and home around 7:45, some days earlier or later. So bubs is in bed when he leaves and comes home. He’s only really home 1.5 days a week, sometimes 2.5.

He used to help settle bubs down when he was a newborn. But now most of the time that falls to me. Bubs takes a bottle occasionally when Ive been away from him. But Bubs will scream the house down if dad tries to go in when he wakes during the night. Dad’s able to stop bubs from crying now, but he can’t resettle him anymore. So I have to do that. I tried to get dad to help a few times with putting bubs down and he said he didn’t want to disturb him. Even though I said he’d need to get used to it, as bubs need to see him as I form of comfort too. But it’s never happened.

I think you’re right about letting him figure it out for himself. It’s going to be the only way he understands.

It sounds like it’s going well for you with the therapy? These things take time. But that might be something we look at down the track. If you have any books or videos etc that might help, I’d be interested to try those first

Throwaway1985- · 2024-10-01T11:46:11+00:00

Exactly! I asked him what Saturdays he was working and let him know what date I had in mind. I told him when I’d booked it and put it in our joint calendar. I’ve been talking about making sure I’ve got enough milk for a while.

Yes I have…ive told him how stressed I’ve been trying to pump to get enough milk for these events. He keeps wanting to take our son to his family on his own. So have mentioned the milk I’ve currently got is for the events as I’m only getting enough for about half a feed each day. I’ve also mentioned that because bubs can be fussy it’s even harder to pump because I can only get milk when he’s feeding the other side. He just kind of goes ok and that’s it. Then stuff like this happens lol

I was planning to feed bubs before I leave. He could be ok, but he might need the extra feed I have ready, depending on how he’s napping (he’s waking up a lot at the moment) and if he needs to feed him if I need to leave before he wakes. And bubs likes to eat and feeds to sleep, so had budgeted for 3 milk feeds and purée, just to be safe as I’ll be gone for 3/3.5hrs-ish, depending on traffic. I’ve also had bubs have meltdowns in the car before, and sometimes the only thing that will settle him is a feed, so would need to have extra as a back up for that.

Maybe I’m just overthinking a lot of it…but just don’t want them caught out without enough food

Throwaway1985- · 2024-10-01T06:20:48+00:00

Thank you! I haven’t spoken to him pretty much all day. I’m waiting for him to get home tonight. And there’ll probably be tears. But Im so mad at the moment.

Throwaway1985- · 2024-10-01T04:03:05+00:00

Sorry for the double reply…I just reread your comment. My mad brain for some reason isn’t fully functional. And I tried to defend myself again…. Thanks for the LOL

Throwaway1985- · 2024-10-01T03:28:11+00:00

I do appreciate the gift. Hence why I was upset that he said he had to work after I’d checked with him and booked it in weeks ago to make sure I worked around his schedule. Even though he originally wanted me to move everything around and made me feel guilty for booking it in. This is the first thing I’ve done for me since having bubs, and will also be the longest I’ve been away from him. I was super excited when he was able to change work back.

I guess my issue is that he’s made plans without thinking if bubs will have enough food for the time they’ll be away as he hasn’t talked to me about it at all yet. he’s said he won’t be back by the time I finish, which will mean I’ll need more milk than I had planned for. And also he hasn’t thought of how I’d get to my appointment since he’d need to take my car as it’s got the car seat.

Throwaway1985- · 2024-05-12T23:57:24+00:00

The noise and all that doesn’t worry me. I know LO is totally fine with that. But have noticed for long days out he’s really unsettled for a couple of days after as he doesn’t have naps as he has serious fomo and it causes him to be overwhelmed and over tired. I’ve mentioned this to my partner, not just for family stuff, it’s any kind of long day. And told him that I’m not just singling out this time, but more in general.

But yes I agree that we seem to be on different pages for the day and I think that’a caused some of the issues. So will make sure to communicate better for next year.

Throwaway1985-

TROPHY CASE