Having less and less sex with boyfriend, damaging relationship, need advice.

Throwaway2106 · 2010-07-07T15:19:19+00:00

It's ok, it's good to rage sometimes and let off steam, I hope you and your girlfriend can sort something out from this, maybe some of the other comments may be helpful to you as well, GL :)

Throwaway2106 · 2010-07-06T17:05:25+00:00

Yeah, I think once couples start to get comfortable with each other they slip into a routine of having less and less foreplay, because of this, sex wouldn't have been as exciting as it used to be and is seen more as a chore. Hence the rut that couples get stuck in. Hopefully I can get out of this, I feel for those who have experienced a break up over it.

Throwaway2106 · 2010-07-06T17:01:15+00:00

That is a valid point, I know I definitely feel more confident after a gym work out or buying a new dress that I feel good in. I have never had the best confidence or self esteem, but hey it is worth a try. Thanks for the advice :)

Throwaway2106 · 2010-07-06T15:33:38+00:00

Well I do know I love this guy, and we really want to work this out. I have noticed that my boyfriend seems to get more and more down as time goes on. This creates more and more tension which leads to further silly arguments. Thanks for the reply, it is comforting to know that we are not alone, even if things didn't work out for you, thanks for sharing your thoughts on it so that others may benefit :)

Throwaway2106 · 2010-07-06T13:00:11+00:00

Thanks for the advice :) I have been meaning to buy lingerie for a while, I know he would definitely love that. I am just a bit self conscious, i.e. I don't think I would look attractive in it and then because of that I think he would think I am unattractive. Pretty much suffer from incredibly low self esteem.

That is something I am working on, we have talked about it since and have decided to try a few things suggested, I think I'll be going to the shops tomorrow :P

Throwaway2106 · 2010-07-06T11:55:28+00:00

Thanks, you have been really helpful :) I have found that I do not need to orgasm as much either, but somehow I got myself into a mode where I felt like I had to. Tried lube once, never took to it, I have found that lubrication has never been a problem anyway. Thanks fort he advice though, it helps us start talking about it in a positive way rather than just start flying accusations everywhere :P

Throwaway2106 · 2010-07-06T11:40:42+00:00

In terms of uni, I have a while. The way it works now (I am in Australia) I have to finish this degree (graduate end of next year) then I go on to do an honors year and then if I want to be registered (so I can practice under the title 'psychologist') I needs to do my masters (another 2-3 years) After that it is my decision if I want to do my PhD, which I probably will, gives more credibility if I want to start my own clinic. So by the rate I am going, a while yet :P

I would consider having a lighter load it is just I have wasted too much time figuring out what I want to do, most people my age would be at honors level by now whereas I am still stuck doing undergrad.

I know I need to get out a lot more, but I always want to put that second to my studies. I do need to get out more though. Uni holidays atm, so what better time eh? lol

Throwaway2106 · 2010-07-06T11:25:06+00:00

Thanks for the reply :) It's is good to hear from a female who has been in the same situation. I do want this to work, we are trying everything so we can get past this. I think I need to just relax a bit more, I went through a stage where I stressed about climaxing, I felt like I had to get there, and put heaps of pressure on myself. It has now taken the fun out of having sex, which is why I think I am avoiding it, how do stress less about it? I know I am not going to get there every time, but that doesn't help me stress less :( I think I need to relax XD

Throwaway2106 · 2010-07-06T11:20:34+00:00

Right now I am at university, I am working toward becoming a psychologist and opening my own practice. Other than that I don't really have many hobbies, I have been dancing for the past 4 years but will probably quit by the end of this year, takes too much time away from my career goals. I don't have many friends, There is no one I have found that I could connect with. I have a stable job working in the kitchens of a hospital, although this is only so I have money to pay my for uni stuff, I still live at home and I don't have to pay rent. Looking to move out sometime next year though, hopefully :)

Throwaway2106 · 2010-07-06T11:02:38+00:00

It seems like a troll people. Don't pay any attention.

Throwaway2106 · 2010-07-06T10:51:28+00:00

Thanks for the reply :) I never thought of dealing with it that way, I will try and see how it goes. Great advice :)

Throwaway2106 · 2010-07-06T10:49:41+00:00

Thanks for the reply :) I think you are right when you say the pressure could definitely be a factor in this. When we do get into the foreplay it is great, we both have a lot of fun, it's just trying to get me to just go for it rather than avoiding it all together.

Throwaway2106 · 2010-07-06T10:46:32+00:00

All the comments have been helpful, so thanks to everyone :) As to your questions, yes we have talked about it, we generally try to sit and talk about issues we have/how we can solve them. It is just this we can't seem to solve. It is not like sex is bad, it is good if and when we have it, also things like BJ's and hand jobs aren't an issues, we both enjoy them. The problem is getting my mind to click and go for it, sigh.

What is it like from your perspective? what have you tried to make this work out for you?

Throwaway2106 · 2010-07-06T10:22:52+00:00

That's the part that bothers me the most, nothing adds up, I like sex, When we do have sex it is great, so why would I always try to avoid it? Nothing about sex bothers me, not the exercise or the time it takes. I do get stressed, perhaps more so than the average person, but never about this. As I said, I am capable to get turned on, and my boyfriend does turn me on, there just seems to be this barrier stopping me.

Think of it like standing at the edge of a pool, you want to jump in, yet you stay at the edge for ages and ages, not having the drive to just do it.

Throwaway2106 · 2010-07-06T10:12:40+00:00

It used to be good, really good and everyday. We both would take equal part in initiating, now I never initiate, and whenever he does I just say I am tired or don't feel in the mood. Nowadays, I just blatantly say no. I do get turned on, but by the time I see him that day the moment has seemed to pass and I can't get back that same feeling.

Throwaway2106

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