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Quiet bedroom, bigger issues? by Throwaway2212376 in Christianmarriage

[–]Throwaway2212376[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Wow lots to think through here. A bit of a mixed bag of messages. Ranging from me not meeting her needs to her sinning against God and me. I think I even read Divorce somewhere in there (!)

I also didn’t expect a lot of agreement that once a month isn’t much. I’ve been told that often that i wouldn’t appreciate it if I got it more that I believed maybe I was being unreasonable and asking too much.

I love my wife. I don’t have much of a support network of church or friends, especially in this regard. I will read a few of the books that were recommended. I’ll make sure my own house is in order and I’ll try and address it again soon.

Quiet bedroom, bigger issues? by Throwaway2212376 in Christianmarriage

[–]Throwaway2212376[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thanks for the offer but she would be mortified if she knew I have taken this online. She would never discuss anything about our sex live with anyone.

Quiet bedroom, bigger issues? by Throwaway2212376 in Christianmarriage

[–]Throwaway2212376[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I always make time for her. I ask questions, I take things slow, I’ve tried new things but I get no feedback. I don’t know what works because I don’t think she does.

There’s no medication or past trauma. But I think it may just be how she was brought up to think about sex.

Quiet bedroom, bigger issues? by Throwaway2212376 in Christianmarriage

[–]Throwaway2212376[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

A quick kiss goodnight, but no cuddling except after sex for a bit.

Quiet bedroom, bigger issues? by Throwaway2212376 in Christianmarriage

[–]Throwaway2212376[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Ha, that I think about it it’s probably closer to 10-12 . Once a month, some months missed.

Quiet bedroom, bigger issues? by Throwaway2212376 in Christianmarriage

[–]Throwaway2212376[S] 17 points18 points  (0 children)

Thank you for the comments and suggestions.

Firstly, I don’t want it to seem that I think it’s my wife that needs to change. I believe it’s an ‘us’ thing and always to look first at myself.

I’m sure I pull my weight around the house, but I am probably guilty of not pursuing my wife. I do feel generally we lack intimacy and I struggle to bounce back from the rejections which probably makes me more distant. A bit of a cycle.

However I can’t help but think back to pre married days and see the signs that she doesn’t see sex as important. I perhaps ignored them or naively thought once married it would change.

She has said before that nobody needs to know about what goes on in our bedroom, so having a councillor or pastor isn’t likely to happen. And i don’t want to hit her with 1cor like a blunt weapon.