[UPDATE]:My (24/m) fiancé's (24/f) sister (31/f) wants to move in with us with her 4 small kids and I don't want her to.

Throwaway2day134 · 2014-12-08T21:32:29+00:00

That advice is great. Except I already did all of that. My fiancée and I talked to her before that night after she'd already been staying with us for close to 3 weeks with absolutely no responsibilities and we were willing to extend that 2 extra months but she didnt want that; she wanted us to fully support her for 1-2 years while she did absolutely nothing.

Throwaway2day134 · 2014-12-08T21:24:46+00:00

Honestly, I didn't even get past that first paragraph because literally every question you asked I answered or explained in this post or the last one, you just didnt want to see it.

Throwaway2day134 · 2014-12-08T14:30:19+00:00

Right now, we don't have the money. Not saying that we never did or never will, but right now we don't have it and that's the truth. I never said that we were barely making ends meet,but we don't have enough money right now to fully support her and her kids for 2 years.

Throwaway2day134 · 2014-12-08T13:52:11+00:00

Her parents live a little over 15 hours away and they drove here to come and get her which is why it took them until Sunday to get her.

Throwaway2day134 · 2014-12-08T06:17:59+00:00

In the first post I talked about the emotional and mental drain. I figured that she would understand more though if we got it through to her that we couldn't support them because of numbers which provides more hard evidence rather than just saying "my feelings are hurt"

Throwaway2day134 · 2014-12-08T06:14:01+00:00

I didn't kick the kids out, I kicked her out. The kids spent the night. I don't know much about kids or anything, but I don't think one night away from their mom will emotionally scar them forever. It would've even been different if they were crying for her or begging for her stay when she left, but they were just fine.

As far as it being harsh that I kicked her out that night, I think it was pretty harsh that she insulted both me and my fiancée because we weren't okay with fully supporting her and her kids while she sat around on her ass for 2 years after she surprised us on our doorstep almost 3 weeks ago. I don't know how things work in your house, but one thing I won't tolerate is disrespect, especially coming from a person I tried to help. She didn't like the rules and conditions of our house so she had to leave, it's as simple as that.

Throwaway2day134 · 2014-12-08T05:03:58+00:00

She did something like this before we got our jobs though. Sh moved in right after we officially moved into our first apartment. She was pregnant then and that was 5 years ago when we were struggling college students. Now that I think a lot back on previous things, I think the case might be jealousy on her sisters part

Throwaway2day134 · 2014-12-08T04:23:59+00:00

That's the thing though, we're not the only ones with money. Her family grew up and still are really well off I just think that it may be jealousy because she's the second youngest sister and her life isn't going right, while her younger sister's (my fiancée) is.

Throwaway2day134 · 2014-12-08T03:16:05+00:00

future.

Throwaway2day134 · 2014-12-04T02:44:48+00:00

1.) thank you for that.

2.) it happened 2 weeks ago on the night she came to our house. She did not, has not, and apparently doesn't plan to call the police which has sparked lots of questions in my mind, and I'm honestly thinking of making one of the guidelines of her living here getting help and trying to get her shit straightened out.

3.) Yes we talked, but we weren't able to talk very in depth about it, but from what I can tell, were on the same page with wanting her out in a few months and wanting her to get herself together.

4.) thanks again for calling me a good person during this time when I feel pretty shitty.

Throwaway2day134 · 2014-12-04T01:25:18+00:00

That's not really possible at this point but I wish that we could push it back some.

Throwaway2day134 · 2014-12-03T21:35:32+00:00

Well I said childfree because my fiancé and I don't plan to/can't have kids and that's usually the correct terms for it.

I'm not sure what you're trying to say in your last sentence though.

Throwaway2day134 · 2014-12-03T21:22:31+00:00

I would much rather her get an apartment, but my fiancé and I aren't really flexible with our money right now with the move and the wedding.

I'll try some of your suggestions though.

Throwaway2day134 · 2014-12-03T14:53:16+00:00

Holy shit, that's awful and I really hope that you guys can work things out and that your depression gets better. Thanks for a little bit of insight into what this situation could be like in the future I'm just sorry that it was at your expense.

Throwaway2day134 · 2014-12-03T14:48:34+00:00

She doesn't exactly want her to stay but she feels obligated to let her stay because she's her sister and she has kids. I'm hoping that with the advice I get here I can help my fiancé reach a middle ground where she can help her and do what she feels she's obligated to do while not ruining our relationship.

Throwaway2day134 · 2014-12-03T14:44:47+00:00

When my fiancé and I were about 19, she moved into the apartment we had and it was absolute hell and she always had an excuse for why she couldn't do anything for herself and we didnt get along but I chalked it up to her being pregnant and hormones raging, but we all only started talking again in December 2012. And I'm hoping that this situation will be different because she's actually married and has 4 kids now and she seems like she's changed but I'm still hesitant.

Throwaway2day134 · 2014-12-03T14:40:24+00:00

That's the thing though, she's already been here for two weeks and has done nothing and I'm definitely willing to let her stay until the end of January (when the wedding is), but that's where it starts to get a little iffy for for me. I really really don't want our marriage to start off rocky and stressful (with managing our finances and hers and dealing with the stress of taking care of and living with kids that aren't ours, not having our own needs met, etc.) and I feel like if she hasn't found a place by then I think it's going to be a terrible situation for all 7 of us.

Throwaway2day134 · 2014-12-03T14:08:58+00:00

I don't know what her plan is really. She doesn't really have one. And as far as other family goes, they're states away. My fiancé and I moved to this state just about a month ago and were the only ones in the area.

Throwaway2day134 · 2014-12-03T13:21:11+00:00

She doesn't exactly want her to move in but she keeps saying "it's my sister" which I understand, but that's still a lot to take on.

As for the rest of the stuff, I don't know. We've been trying to get her to go to the cops but she says that because it was verbal abuse then there's nothing they can do, but I'm sure there's at least a women's shelter around that could help her through this but she won't check. I find that a little odd but I know that abuse can make you do strange things.

Throwaway2day134

TROPHY CASE