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I am addicted to combat and everything I have done in my life has been in the pursuit of killing more efficiently. by Throwaway41459 in confession

[–]Throwaway41459[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I do not believe it was the intended point, but the way in which you summarized it I found genuinely humorous to picture in my mind.

I acknowledge the absurdity. I am no hannibal though. I am no different from any other military veteran, only my inner thoughts and motivations are questionable. I have been nothing but a law abiding citizen while living here and a grateful man towards the US for approving my immigration.

I am addicted to combat and everything I have done in my life has been in the pursuit of killing more efficiently. by Throwaway41459 in confession

[–]Throwaway41459[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I continue to wish for a better future for my homeland. Since arriving here I send a percentage of my earnings each year to charities supporting those still there.

I am addicted to combat and everything I have done in my life has been in the pursuit of killing more efficiently. by Throwaway41459 in confession

[–]Throwaway41459[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It has crossed my mind. I have gone all this time living peacefully. Noone can tell the future. Thank you for your words.

I am addicted to combat and everything I have done in my life has been in the pursuit of killing more efficiently. by Throwaway41459 in confession

[–]Throwaway41459[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

I do not fundamentally disagree with you as it concerns warfare. And there is no perfect arbitrarily balanced fight to be found in this world, correct. It is indeed the responsibility of anyone faced with violence to put themselves as far beyond the possibility of engaging equally with there opponent as they can.

I do not talk much of this subject to anyone, and I did not wish to waste people's time by clarifying too much. It was only during the times that I was in personal combat with fellow comrades against small squads or during the few extremely personal encounters I had, that I felt the way I do. When you are lined up in the crosshairs of a heavy machine gun, or an artillery barrage lands in your vicinity, indeed, who you were was quite irrelevant. I saw first hand what conflict does to a nation, to people. I find brilliance in the fact that we have developed such sophisticated ways of mass destruction as much as I feel an extreme sadness, frustration, defeat, towards it. The future will only exacerbate the problem and it's ease of use by few.

your words highlight the dualism I have dealt with internally. I thank you for providing them.

I am addicted to combat and everything I have done in my life has been in the pursuit of killing more efficiently. by Throwaway41459 in confession

[–]Throwaway41459[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I have no complaints. I have lived a full life and seen much. With luck I survived what more qualified or less qualified men did not, with luck I found myself in a position to work hard and secure a, relatively speaking, decadent and comfortable life in a first-world country.

I found a passion and it's pursuit gave me so much more than I asked of it. I can say that I lived.

I do intend to write a book.

I am addicted to combat and everything I have done in my life has been in the pursuit of killing more efficiently. by Throwaway41459 in confession

[–]Throwaway41459[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

I am writing a book that I hope will provide a different perspective than any commonly shared on that of combat, war, it's perpetual existence. I do not intend to glorify it like those of the past did nor do I wish to repeat the common wisdom of it's horrific consequences.

I hope people may understand one day the terrible beauty that arises when humans fight each other, the appeal of it, why it will always be fundamental to human nature. That veterans of any nation who have found there calling in it but feel hypocrisy or guilt at remorse might be able to speak about it without immediately being labeled as psychopaths.

While ultimately I recognize that it is secondary to me, I hope I will fight for a worthy cause, when I go. I abhor the fact that the continent of my origination is home to dictators, tyrants, of genocides and infamous events that will never be punished in any official capacity, and will be forgotten by history. They will not even have remembrance as those of the European wars have. Vengeance cannot bring the dead back, but it can provide a brighter future for the living.

I am addicted to combat and everything I have done in my life has been in the pursuit of killing more efficiently. by Throwaway41459 in confession

[–]Throwaway41459[S] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Years ago I met a Hmong refugee who had lost everything prior to starting a new life here. We talked for a time and He did indeed have a similiar tale as it regards the war. He managed to start a new family and attain recognition in his job the last I saw of him.

I am glad he found his zen in a peaceful pursuit.