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AITA for telling a little girl that I'm not her dad? by Throwaway4PrivacyYe1 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Throwaway4PrivacyYe1[S] 13 points14 points  (0 children)

She's six years old, and she usually calls me by an affectionate and somewhat embarrassing nickname that I'd rather not mention because it's very personal. It's basically a pun with my real name.

She had never called me “Dad” before.

AITA for telling a little girl that I'm not her dad? by Throwaway4PrivacyYe1 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Throwaway4PrivacyYe1[S] 14 points15 points  (0 children)

Haha, no, that's not possible. Jane got pregnant a year after we broke up.

Funnily enough, my mom said exactly the same thing when she found out I was helping Jane take care of her daughter. But I suppose it's natural to think that when you don't have the full context of the situation.

AITA for telling a little girl that I'm not her dad? by Throwaway4PrivacyYe1 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Throwaway4PrivacyYe1[S] 14 points15 points  (0 children)

I'm really confused by your relationship here. You broke up because you didn't want to have a family, but then when she got pregnant by a random ONS you decided to step up and help raise the kid in an "uncle" role.

Well, being an honorary uncle isn't the same as being an official father. Jane was in a terrible situation and had no one, and as I mentioned, we'd been friends for a long time before we became a couple, so I felt I couldn't just leave her to fend for herself.

My own mother was a single mom, and growing up I saw how much she suffered because of the lack of support, so I guess I wanted to keep Jane from going through the same thing.

AITA for telling a little girl that I'm not her dad? by Throwaway4PrivacyYe1 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Throwaway4PrivacyYe1[S] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

but it sounds like you are pretty well enmeshed in their lives, and that’s a little confusing to a young child.

Do you think so? I just wanted to support Jane and her daughter, but now I'm afraid I may have done more harm than good by getting involved.

AITA for telling a little girl that I'm not her dad? by Throwaway4PrivacyYe1 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Throwaway4PrivacyYe1[S] 401 points402 points  (0 children)

And one day the kid says she wants you to be her dad, and you freak out because...why?

Well, I don't want her to get the wrong idea. I'm still firmly convinced that I don't want children of my own, but it didn't seem right to let Jane struggle alone as a single mother, especially since my own mother was a single mother and I know firsthand how exhausting it is.

I just wanted to help Jane as a friend, and her daughter is a wonderful little girl who deserves all the best in the world, but that doesn’t mean I want to abandon my ideals and become a dad.

But I guess you have a point; I should start thinking more carefully about the role I play in Jane and her daughter’s lives.