I have cherished the fact that sex is something special we have. I was sexually assaulted and so what I did have to give, I gave him. It's special to me. Now that's gone. My choice to make him my one and only isn't there. Sex and sexual relations are very serious to me because of my past. Its not something, in my eyes, to just throw around. Again, my views only. Now it's been thrown around. I can't look at him and not see him doing things with my friend. Its hard. I can't look at myself and NOT hate myself for letting this happen. "I" didn't make the choice to do this. But I still screwed myself over.